The Lost Track: Breath...!!!

The Lost Track...!!!
You will not believe what happen to me just now... :-p there i was...browsing into all my old files in my laptop, and suddenly I found this one song that I've made about four years ago :-)
This was the first ever track that I ever recorded during my "hey day" and it was lagen......wait for it....dary...!!!! Haha :-p
I can't believe that this track still existed in my folder after all this years...luckily I haven't deleted it with the other junks that I've saved inside my laptop (been lazy oozing around lately) haha :-p

About the Song:
Well, to be honest, I have no idea what it is all about during that time...because if my memory serves me correctly, it was spontaneously recorded without no write-up lyrics....and suddenly it was there :-) haha
But, from the made up lyrics, what I can describe is that, it is about a guy whom wanted to tell his girl that he cannot live his life without her and how important she is to his life :-) (you'd be the judge)
The melody that flows has no arrangement whatsoever and the if you ask me now, i can say that I've sang the song from the heart :-)
It was really impressive of how the song sounded because during that time, I only have a set of worn-off mic a size of a peanut, and the quality of all my songs during that time was at its low point :-(
Well, I guess I've did something right....right? :-p

My Heart's Desire...!!!
Looking back at the time when I was composing this song, I've realized something....that my heart has already spoken to me in the language that only "me" could understand back in the days...
But I kind of neglecting it so much, to the extend in which I've blinded myself to hear it :-(
I guess I have missed a lot of girl that I've liked during those days due to my own gibberish thoughts and self-proclaimed sanity.... :-(
(sighing) What an irony being me....right? :-(

My Pre-Historic Evolution...!!!

Once Upon A Time...!!!

The last one is what I wish I'd to become :-p Fingers cross hehe...!!!

 Seeing myself evolves from the "old" me towards this so-called "new" me is kind of amazing...(self-proclaim) :-p because i would never dream of becoming this awesome (yes...i think I am awesome...live with that :-p haha)
My journey so far has been fulfilling even though there is a lot of hurdle along the way...I guess, all the credit goes to those whom has involved in my life so far...even some of them bring me pain and suffering..but not all of them are bad... :-)
"Maturity of oneself" is what I seek within me all this time...and to do that, I need to went through all these "experience" first.....nevertheless, I should not preserve any regrets right? because I believed that a true teacher is the "experiences" and the true lesson is "life" itself... :-)

Yappady Yappady Dudaaahhhh....!!!
 I know that I've been writing gibberish all this time...and most of them are going back and forth...but hey..!!! That's just me baby..!!! :-p I must look forward and backward in order for me to connect my thoughts because for some reason (all this time) those thoughts has becoming quite a puzzles and the riddles keeps making me go back to the past...!!!
I don't know the reason of me being so delicate about this matter right now...maybe because of my age...or maybe because I already sensing that the world is changing...and those changes scares me to pits...!!! I just don't know why... :-(


The Time Is Now...!!!
I think it's about time that I let myself to leave its old-self and let the new "me" to lead over...but I'll make sure that I never forget the things that made me...and the people whom stands besides me...
"It's not healthy to cling over on something that already in the past..." and I should move forward again...(like I used too)
But the difference this time is that, I think I'll be much more confident to face the world than I used to be...and my conscious is far more clearer than before :-)
I guess being self-depress like this is not such a bad thing after all...considering how much I've known myself...and the way I be able to let myself  free on thinking about those small details in which I've neglect before...
I guess its true of what people say "the problem will never fade away if you leave them...known to yourself that it will hunt you afterwards....." :-p
Luckily I've known it early enough (not that early....) to free myself from it before it hunt my life forever... :-)

~Maybe you should do the same....~

  

Happy Birthday To Me...!!!

OMG...I'm Another Year Older...!!!
Last 26th May was my birthday....well, for me it was the same old day like the rest :-( The scene was almost the same...only my family and closest friend wishes me a birthday wish....and no present were involve... (it's not like i was hoping for it...) :-p
Having the same scene over and over again makes me wonder...have my life goes nowhere? because the only things that matters to me right now is knowing that I have someone besides me...but I guess when my birthday comes around this year has make me a bit sensitive about who's remember it and who's not...!!! (I just be a bit of a spoiled brat...am I..??? ) :-p
Nevertheless, the old wise-man once said "it is not the number that make the difference...but the weight of the words which does..." So, it really makes me happy that even a few whom even a slightest to compromise their time for me...it surely prove that there are still someone whom care about me...(even it's just for a birthday wish...) :-)

My Birthday Wish...!!!
Well...my sis phoned me later that night and tell me that they are sorry for being a bit late of the wishes (my mom totally forgotten about my birthday...thank you mom..!!!) :-p and we talk a bit about the things that matters...and during those talk, both of my sis keeps on wishing me to be healthy...and happy...and not forgetting "finding a partner in life" in which make my speech a bit awkward for a few second later that time...haha :-p
One of my friend wishes me "happy birthday fatty" in which I feel a bit offensive but yet calming at the same time...(you know who you are....) :-p hahaha
But to tell you the truth...I don't make any wishes this year...I don't know why, but for me...as if right now...I don't think that I'm entitle to make any wishes...because scarcely it seems....I just don't have the will to even lift my hands high enough to even say "I want this and that..." I just don't have it yet.... :-(
So, I just figure...what if I just let myself loose for this time around and see what the heaven (or hell) has install for me....fingers cross right.!!! :-p

The History...!!!
Looking back at all my birthday in the past..it seems I have come a long way since then...to tell you the truth...I haven't have a "birthday party" for almost seven years now...and the last time that I remember was the last birthday in which my late father were still alive...(and it sucks) hahaha :-p
A cheap cake with some few side dishes...(not to mention some carbonate drinks to ooze our "joy") haha It was the worst....
But looking back at it now seems that I've have misjudge it by a mile...you want to know why? because it turns out that those so-called "worst" birthday party ever...tend to be the most memorable party ever of my life...because only during that moment...all my family has gathered at the same room...and at the same time...they wishes me "happy birthday" (minus the song) and they all look at me with this hopeful eyes that possibly be the reason of me loving each and everyone of them so much up until now :-)

~I Love All Of You....Wish You Were Here Dad....~



 
 

True Lover...!!!

My Realization...!!!


Recently...I have discover something about myself (in which) if I hadn't decided to create this blog...I would not realize it... :-p Sadly...the truth speaks it all and the honesty that overflows within me reach its breaking point hence proves my inability to appreciate those whom should be cherish and neglect those whom should be perish... :-(
I notice that being oneself has a flaw in which you couldn't see what people sees in you...there is a saying that says "only the other eyes could see the true you...and you alone will never be enough..." :-)
I can see that now....that's why I started to look back into my past and search back all the things that possibly could be the key to the inhibition of myself...

I Love Myself...!!!

Whatever that people says about me...and my history...will not effect me as much as it did before..because from now on...I can say it out loud that "I Love Myself" and if anyone wishes to harm me...that person need to go through "me" first.....haha :-p (talking about having yourself as a boyfriend) p/s: Still not gay....!!!
When I think back to those time where I was down...and feel lonely...it seems that the problem really lies within me...I realize that "me" is the only reason of me being "me" right now....!!!
I was the one whom make myself down to my knee...I was the one whom says those negative words to myself until I feel hopeless and defeated...I was the one whom "assume" that people talk ill about my past and make myself degraded until the lowest pits....I was the "problem"....!!!
But from now on...that "me" is gonna change...because there is a new "sheriff" in town....and he wanted his town to be "Up and Running..." not "Bold and Inhabitant" :-p

I Have Waited Too Long...!!!
All my life I've been waited for this time to come...the time where those fairy tale to come to live...where all the birds and animals sing a song just for me..where I be appreciated and out of despair for once...but now the story will have a different ending...not by a prince whom live happily ever after after marrying the princess...but more or less...a man whom struggle to be the perfect guy for a perfect lady...whom will strive to succeed in life whilst bring happiness to the people around him...a guy whom knows no limit of himself and always dream big....I want my fairy tale to have that kind-of-a-scene and hopefully it would give birth to many more of other fairy tale up ahead...when my children...and my children's children take their place...as my heir.... :-)

I Wanted To Be A Cool Father And Grandfather...!!!
I want my grandchildren to say "you are the coolest...grandpa...." haha :-p I guess being old and senile later is consider as a bless...don't you think? :-p
Raising them is one thing to be consider...but raise them with love and passion is one substance that shouldn't be neglected..because only through love and devotion...make the kids know...that they are being loved....and by it...the warmth and openness...shall the door to their heart is open...and by those caring gesture will create a bond so pure and so strong...that worthy to be call "True Love...." :-)  



Montage: Only You (and You Alone)

The Reason Why (I Love You Back)

The Reason Why (I Love You Back)

[Verse 1]
Another day
Another Way
Another Same (I need it)
The Winds That Blow...Don't Know where it goes...
Its Happening (I Knew It)

[Bridge]
I..wanna feel it
I...wanna love it
I...wanna kiss it
Till the night comes back
To the way you are
To the way the sun shines
Till the morning comes
then you'll know that...

[Chorus]
I love you...and i know you know it
I love you...and i know you feel it (yeah)

[Verse II]
Come back alive
Come back inside
come home my dear
i miss you
the cold outside
the rain inside
i don't care at all when I'm with you...

Repeat [Bridge+Chorus]

That's the reason why...
I love you back...

~The Reason Why (I Love You Back) lyrics~

About the song:
Well, this is a straight up love song...can't you tell? haha I wrote this about one year ago when started to think about how would I express my feeling if someone tell me that she likes me....(if everrrrr....) :-p
"What if" lingers as my thought is filled with this sort of "feeling"...I hate to think about the possibilities but yet...that is what I've done for the past years...hahaha (the irony of being me) :-p
I just wish I have someone to share this beautiful words with...someone who would appreciate every words that I've wrote and always cherish it...
Because for me...this words comes in tune because of her presence...and she is the only one who deserve of it... :-)

Nightmare...!!!

Do you have one?
Gosh...don't even start with me about this topic..because it scares me to pits...hahaha :-p
During my early days, ghost story are really rare and it is not graphically illustrated on screen as today's....
So, every time i got a chance to watch those unspeakable movie on the TV...i would already know how much it will effect me during bed time that day...(sometimes, the whole week...) :-p
Well...don't act like I'm the only one whose has it...I bet most of you also experienced the same thing...(just admit it) LOL :-)


I Don't Understand...!!!
Ghost are suppose to be scary..right? and they suppose to have scummy-face-er...and their eyes will pops out anytime that they want...and their voice is always echoing in the hall way....(vintage ghost are like white cloth with two holes on it...) :-p Those were the days....
But now...those so called "director" has taking my nightmare into a new height in which suppressing my inhabitant to adapt to my bed during my "night night" :-( Thank you so muchhhhh.....
I mean...why? Why does those ghost need to be illustrated in that manner? Why do you need to make it more scarier than what it already is?
I guess....ghost are much more scarier on the screen then in real life...because on those 52 inch TV...you can see them flying around or scorching on the floor...making those really annoying but scary sound (thanks a lot high definition speaker) and not to mention with high resolution and definition screen...I now can see clearly how horrible those ghost faces are...and it is scarreyyyyyyyyyy...!!!! hahaha :-p

Don't Get Me Wrong...!!!
I am not a wimp (self-proclaimed)....I just don't like to see those unspeakable thing wondering around my closet every time i went to sleep...(i have enough of those creepy stuff under my bed) :-p
I still remember this one dream I had after watching this really scary ghost story (i wont tell you the name  because it is a stupid movie when I watch it again at my current age...) and in that dream...I was alone in the dark (Duhhh...) and suddenly, out of the blue...there was a coffin in front of me...I don't know why...but I have the urge to approach those obviously terrifying object...and then the coffin open itself and emerge from it....a Draculaaaaa....!!!! haha The end of my dream sees me running for my life whilst holding my neck with both of my hand (because I don't want to get bitten...) haha
The funny thing about my dream is that sometime it awakes me at a really terrifying time (in which late at night)...because most of the ghost story revolve around that time...hahaha :-p and It make me sweat like hell...hahaha

My Real Nightmare...!!!
I guess...those so-called "scary movie" is not scary to me anymore unlike what it does years before...because I have a lot of stuff to think inside my head rather than worrying about those stuff that seems "out of this realm" to me....
How do I work it out? Well, for starters, right now it seems that I keep concentrating my view towards my love life...so my worries has been diverted towards what kind of "girl" that i would marry in the future...and that is a real goosebumps people...!!!
Trust me...the only thing that make me sweating my shirts and wetting my pants in the morning is dreaming about that stuff...and I always pray to God that I don't have some sort of special power to know about the future...because if that dream is some sort of premonition about my love life...I'll be dead :-p haha




  
        

Hopeless Romantic...!!! :-)

My Past Preferences...!!!
I know that some of my friends are questioning my 'liking"on girls...and some of them even make a statement of me being "gay" in the sense of not having a girlfriend even at this age...!!! haha :-p
Just to make everything clear...I am straight :-)
But gosh...i really did came a long way didn't I?...and it does torn me a bit to see how the world spins without me being in the motion....
"Marriage is in the air" and for some reason, I'm breathing the same air as them...but why doesn't it sparks me like everyone else (before....)? :-(
Well, to tell the truth, the reason of me being so cool about all this "marriage" thing is because before this, I've been living in a fairy land where everything seems perfect....
The land is greener...the people are warmer...and the air is sweeter...but guess what? as my age teaches me for these past years...all of those so-called "fairy material" does not exist (conventionally)....
~but only God knows how much i want it to be true~

The Old Me...!!!
I once told one or two of my best friend of "what kind of girl material that I want..." and their answer is always the same...."you're living in a dream..." or "there is no such women..." haha :-p
But there are some whom supported me and says stuff like "it suppose to be like that..." and "she's out there somewhere...waiting for you..." :-)
Then it struck me...that every time when we seek for an answer from someone...make sure that we find the person whom have the same problem as us...if not...their answer won't satisfy you like what you are hoping for :-( like what I've experience before...and it is ugly guys....

The Dream....!!!
When I at my teenage prime...I used to dream of "her"....and how she would look-a-like...!!! It does bugs me sometimes because every time I have that "dream"...her appearance changes...her skin color...her figure...her hair...her hands...(sometimes she is black...what does it accounted for..???) haha :-p
But one thing that haven't change even up until now is her eyes...her beautiful eyes that seems full of confidence..determination...self-respect...independent...loyalty...and many more which I have only few to mention...I don't know what it means by it...but it seems that the girl in my dream is not like any other girl that I've met before....
For some reason..that dream hunted me from time to time...even though her physical changes a lot in my dreams...but it seems that one thing is certain...that her eyes that sees me will never waver... :-) 

The Message...!!!
If you are out there somewhere...feeling that there is someone is waiting for you...someone whom will be the only one for you...a person whom will cherish your every weaknesses...a person whom look at you not only with his eyes (but his heart)...someone whom will always be there for you...for you glory or defeat...someone who will wipe off your tears...and cheer you up till the morning rises...someone whom will sing you lullaby before sleep and smiles at your when you wake up...someone who will always appreciate your every stupidity and yet says that you're amazing just the way you are..........just wait for that person....because there is a reason why that feeling arise...and there is a reason why other people seems unfit...it does not mean that you are picky or proud about your love life...it just means that your heart already decide your love for you...and your heart knows you best...just remember...every man has only but half of their heart to spare...the other half are put inside another soul in which you need to find for yourself...it is a "puzzle of life" that only you can complete it...and when you did...you'll know the true meaning of "knowing" and "feeling" unlike you've did before... :-)
~Good Luck~   

A Chance To Change...!!!

The True Meaning of Chances...!!!

In life...
There is nothing more valuable than having a chance to prove yourself...because it will only prove that your existence is much sweeter in the end...crying over something that doesn't worth crying is just sad....it means that you already prove that you are at the end of the tunnel of your journey...the tunnel in which the end seems darker than the beginning....it does make your road seems hopeless and endless....
The light that everyone are searching is said to be at the end of every roads...but all those roads differ than the other...does it make our journey somehow will entwine at the end? The rougher the journey lies...the better...it seems...because it just prove that our existence is meant for something more and the happiness that lies in the end is somehow worthy of the patients....
Some people would say something bogus in which seems like they already figured what "life" is...but in the end...they are also struggling to search for themselves....and believe it or not...most of us lost our way...either we notice it or not...only those whom "look" will "see"....
Some of us just let the time flies and the chances to go to off and slip away...because those so-called "opportunity" meant nothing to them..."what meant to be..will eventually happen" maybe inside their right mind all these time...
It is true..everyone is living their own life...their own dreams...following their own heart....but what if those drivers is making you going nowhere? will it hurt to know that those people who dare to take the risk gain all the glory for their own....will it hurt to see those people that is much more inferior than you to achieve something that up until now..has always be your dream within dreams?
Happy for others success is pure...but do you happy with yours? How sure that your so-called "pure" heart won't have doubts and preserve guilt and envy? How sure that you won't sleep in the night not thinking about those "success" of other in which could be yours? How sure that you won't fantasies about those success to be yours...? how can you be sure?
Living in doubt has its perks...and most of the time it hunts the host by giving more darkness in their so-called "white" diamond that us human tries to protect...those black dots will consume the gem out of our soils...
Chances....only "chance" could provide us the pleasure to wash away our doubts...only "chance" could let us see our own self...only "chance" could give us the peace of mind....
Because when we appreciate those chances...we will strive to push ourselves to a new height...a new chapter in our life....breathing a new air and see the different sky is just what we need when we try to change...not change because of the sorrows created by the our own mistakes...but more or less..we change because we feel that we have too....well, the reason lies in your own leisure...not others...
A chance....a chance is the only thing that I need...because only by then...I will discover who am I...who am I suppose to be...what destiny that lies towards me...and who will I share it with....
A chance...that will show me the way...that I suppose to take...but where will it leads me too? I think I'll let God to decide that...there is not a place for  me to mingle on that turf....right?

~be..or let it be....nothing is much more precious to see ourselves to be happy after knowing what goodness that God has install for us....always be faithful...but never stop trying...because if you do..there is no mountain that can be climb...no skies to soar through...and no sea to swim by....~
  

A Letter To Myself...!!!

Dear Past Me,

     Its been awhile since we've met, right? How are you? I hope everything is fine in the past since I haven't visit you from a far nowadays...I've been busy you see :-(
How's your family? I reckon they are as healthy as ever...am I right? Well, i am afraid to tell you that my dad already past away about three years ago...I guess I forgot to tell you since we rarely contacted each other since our last depart...sorry for that bro :-p
Well, its been tough to dealt with that since he is my everything (i guess you already notice it by then) and somehow I manage to get through it soundly...my mom somehow has able to support us with her so-called "gentle" hands :-p
She sends you her regards by the way...and she misses you so much :-)
Both of my sister are doing fine somehow...I still have to monitor them closely and it drives me crazy somehow with all the stuff that i need to do for myself..and also my study is about to reach its end this year...
A lot has been going on in my life these past few years and i guess you are dying to know my side of a story...right? well, i guess you have to wait..I don't want to spoil the fun for you in the future :-p am I right?

     The reason for me to write you this letter is to ask you to do something for me...if you can :-p (no pressure dude). As you already know, I am the future you...so, I have seen some "5 things" in which I think I have did wrong and inadequate in the past but turns out to be very useful in the future...So, I just want you to do it more in the past so that the future you (which is me) can benefit from it :-) 

     Firstly, love your family more because they are worthy of it. I have did it in the past and it seems not enough right now. The things that they have done for me is priceless but yet I have put a price tag on their shoulder to begin with. They have did their best to give me the things that I need but yet I always ask for more...They always give an inspirational advice when I am down, but yet I always say those words are annoying and useless...and they always says nice things about me, but yet I only say a few to complement them...

     Secondly, do more good to a lot of people...I know that you would say something obvious such as "I already done enough"...but trust me bro when I say this..."enough is never enough" and when you keep on doing it, more good things will come for you. If I knew that doing good will be this great...I would do it more in the past....

     Thirdly, never compare yourself with others too much...I know that you always does that when you see other people live a better life than you...but for my sake, please "don't" :-( You will only kill yourself and the people around you...and you will make your life more miserable than what it suppose to be...believe me when I say this..."you have a beautiful life" so cherish it more...because it deserve more from you :-)

     Fourthly, make more friends because good ones are really hard to find nowadays...If only I make more friends in the past, maybe my life isn't much of a dull right now. Not to mention, all those previous friends in which I have forgotten due to my eagerness to move forward in my life....please make sure that you will still keep in contact with them because I know that they are waiting for it :-)

     And lastly, never force yourself to love someone in your desperation aid...because nothing good will come from that bro :-p Rest assure that the person that we both wait are worthy of the "waiting" and please make sure that you are worthy of her love too...

     I know that my request is quite hard to be done but you must know something about me in the future...I've lost my way somewhere in the road and right now, I'm struggling to find my way back to you...back to where we suppose to be the same person...the time where life is good and smiles are part of our daily expression...So please do it for me....do it for us :-]

Regards,
Future You

No Words...Just Listen...!!!!

Don't Run

This song marks a new chapter in my life...a life in which i discover a bit about who myself were and all the stuff that have been whirling inside my head for quite sometimes now...
Hope you enjoy this... :-)

Thank You...!!!

Thank You....My Family...!!!
If it weren't because of your guidance, love, devotion, caring...i wouldn't be the person i am right now....
Your endlessness effort that intrigue my senses to push my way up this cruel ladder that called "reality" seem to always inspire me to love you more and more...
You have always be my priority and not even a second i waver to hinder your kindness to something foolish as my own selfishness...
Because of your love..I've been born...and because of your love...I am what i am right now...
Please...please let me repay your love by loving you...please let repay you love by showing you the fruit of your devotions towards another life which bear the seeds from your love...because the true meaning of love for me has be..and always been...to love you :-)

Thank You...My Friends...!!!
Even though i am not a perfect being...living a perfect life...let along have a perfect journey..you have always been there for me...
You have cheer me up by giving me hope that shows my existence is not as a single entity...but more or less lies in a group of unity...
My ideology has always been resolve as "human always search for perfection..." and seeing me needing you so much means that you have complete me at a certain level in which i can't progress without having you on my side...~you complete me...~
I can't express my gratitude enough by giving you all the wealth in the world (like i have those stuff....right?) :-p but at least i wanted you to know...that i am here for you...i will always find ways to level back all your kindness even without a legit request...at least it amend my sins and make me at peace for all the wrong doings that i have put you through...intentionally or UN-intentionally....and i hope by doing this...you would consider to be a part of my life as long as we live...insyallah :-)

Thank You...My Enemy...!!!
Well...it's kind of harsh to group you as "enemy" because i don't hold grudges that long to maintain the anger i felt during those days...but please let me have this one last shots on you..can I? :-p haha
I just wanted you to know that I forgive you...maybe because of my immaturity back in the days make me cause some commotion in which makes me regret all of it now :-(
I don't expect you to forgive me...because we did have some disagreement on something right? so i can't blame you for the things that you've done for me...i just wanted you to know that I've change...and hopefully this change that I've made is for the best...and not contradict towards the person that I'm used to be...
Maybe those disagreement that we have back in the days seems stupid to be think back right now...but I don't think I regret any of it..because those argument that we share has matured me bits by bits...
If only you can be here with me and share the moment...i guess we could agree on something right now...can't we? haha :-p



~but...for the most part in my life..i could not thank enough for the one whom created me, and everyone else that I've known so far...because without his blessing and wills....i maybe not even live to tell them this story...of how grateful I am to be born in this world....and to met them all...Thank you Allah...for this opportunity....for this gift of life....I promise to cherish it...and make myself go towards the road that you've bestowed upon us...to the only way of life that you've blessed...to Jannah...~        

To Love or To Be Loved....!!!

Should I Go and Find Her...?
Hmmm...I have done that before...and the result is something else... :-(
It turns out that when you search for it whilst you're desperate is not a good move to begin with...because it shows your weaknesses, and somehow it can easily be manipulated by those whom seems "fit" :-(
So, from now on, people cannot say that "I didn't try..." anymore :-p because i have done it...and it is not what it suppose to be look-a-like :-/


I Confuse....!!!
From all the stories that I've heard...and from all the relationships figure that I've met in the past...all of them seems to be talking about one simple thing..which is "love is pure..." :-/
So, i figure that if i could be honest to the relationship, commit to my spouse and stay real and ensure that she got the best of me...I could be "the one" for her...but what I've experience somehow shows the opposite :-/
Does the preferences gotten weirder or what...? hahaha :-)
I try to understand women somehow....but it drives me crazy for some reason...there is this one saying that says "don't try to understand women, because women understand it and they hate each other..." :-p
I guess there is no point of going too deep...am I right?

My Focus...!!!
So, from all this small practices that I've got (not really count as a relationship...because there is none to begin with...) I've decided to develop myself and just wait for her to came right at me...(is it viable to do this..?)
Don't get me wrong...I'm still fishing in the sea...its just that I only waited for the right weather to go fishing too...
Not all fish can be captured..sometimes, even when you seems to hooked one that captured your interest...it doesn't mean that you can keep it...
Some fish are too proud to eat your so-called "bait" and just walk away once they lost interest at it...some are just wanted to "taste" portions of your servings and once they feel like it is not what they want...they just left...
I know that referencing a "girl" to a "fish" is not really a good effort to begin with..and it makes me look like a jerk somehow...but for some reason, this old-method seems a bit realistic...(not in a common way...)

She Must Be Some Incredible Women...!!!
I have high hopes for her..because...to drive me this much level of craziness just to find her is really something else...maybe she already existed in my life...i just don't know it yet...I always pray that our life would entwined somehow...when will it be? will she like what she saw?
But from what i figured, she wont be like everyone else...she wont judge me just for my appearance...she would have interest to hear about all my crazy stories...she would laugh really hard at my stupid jokes...she would take my word seriously and always encourage me to follow my dream...

~When will I be able to meet her....~     

Don't Be So Easy To Judge People....!!!

The Old sayings...!!!
"If you dare to judge people solely by their appearances...be prepare to be judge by others for the same cause..." :-(
I always be judge through my appearances (as long as I can remember...) and people seems to enjoy classifying me as a joke or someone whom "looks' do not deceived the eyes..." kind of a person due to my background...and other "factors".... :-(
Well...so far I have prove them wrong by taking these small steps towards realizing my dream...
(I would love to see those faces when I have reach my destination some day...)

My Grudges....!!!
If i must be honest....I should say that i did hold some grudges towards those so-called "people"....
You can't blame me right? they started it... :-p
They tease me...saying bad stuff about me... (direct or indirectly...) and keeps on monitoring my every move just to make sure that I meet their "expectation" :-( ~I hate them....~
and they do it by grouping those people that have the same interest as them (which is to make my life miserable...Duhhhhh...)
Talk about defending yourself against the world....right?

But...Why Do I Feel Grateful....?
Yes...I do feel grateful...I wonder why?
Is it because of those people effort of judging me makes me have this inner-strength and the will to push myself more just for the sake of proving them wrong? or because of their cynical jokes makes me wanted to shove the truth right up their high and almighty noses?
(am I crazy or what...?) :-p
The truth is...I have been grateful because the reason of those people are so keen to know about my life is because they care about the stuff that happens at me...(even if that is not so true...) :-p
Another one is because when they keep saying stuff like "I only could dream to dream those big dreams..." means that my dream is so big in which they become so envious about it and can't help to be judgmental...
Have you heard a saying that says "if people tries to bring you down...means that you are above them..." :-)
I guess, when more people that tries to bring me down makes me one step closer to reach the place where many couldn't reach... :-)

I Too Sometimes Judge Other People...!!!
I'm not a saint...sometimes I'm also can't help to judge other people...that is an honest to God truth... :-(
I guess being a human with feeling and emotions sometimes has its downturn when you care more about other peoples' affair rather then yours'.... :-(
Maybe because of our competitiveness in which makes us feel insecure about other peoples' success that suppose ably should be "ours" in the first place..(if you put more effort to it...)
I am such a mess...am I? :-p