Everlasting Love….!!!

Does L.O.V.E. last…?

There is no such thing as “everlasting” phenomenon in this world…the one that is consistently prolonged are “changes” and these might be for the better or for the worst…who would knew the outcome of everything…am I right? Even though there are saying that says “love transcends time and ages…” but it never specifies the continuation of it…I mean, everything requires some sort of fuel to burn up the fire right? So, why “love” should be excluded from all of this?

If you’re not careful with this elements, you might be considered as those whom taken love for granted…always paying respect to those “unforeseen-god” which supposed to firmly tided up your relationship to its core and will never let go…well, guess what…? You’re totally wrong…!!! The minute you’ve have that sort of idea that “love” is simplistic as it is…then you can safely say to yourself that “You’re dead…” and your relationship is going downhill on moving forward…

Just consider yourself lucky if he or she still stays…because (and again I quote) they stayed for a reason…and those reason can be anything….you be the judge on that…!!!

No One Are Safe…Not Yet…!!!

I know that everyone will pull their trigger towards me by saying stuff like “What the hell that you know about love…you don’t even be in a relationship yet…So, stop being a smart-ass…” right? But guess what, if what I’ve said is wrong…then prove it to me that not even a single write-up is useful and all of it is trash and made up clues…!!! Because trust me, either you be or not in a relationship, as long as you have a clear understanding of each other “needs” and “wants”, then you are not that far off from the truth…

Some people just don’t want to accept the fact that love requires more effort than anything…because it represents your sincerity, devotion, respects, attentions, and many more towards your partner…not to mention their willingness to accept your flaws and imperfections’…

From love blooms its fruitful result like “marriages”…and babies… and from there, comes you and I…have you ever consider that? Just imagine how hard our mom and dad struggles to raise us…and without those “love” and “affection” towards each other, this “fruit” won’t blooms till now…lucky us huh?

Another Princess Cinderella’s story…!!!

Well, reality check…not everyone have the pleasure to dine a candle-light dinner in expensive hotel or restaurant to talk about their relationship, or have those long walk on the beach in Milan just to show that their love is as beautiful as those sunsets in front…but you need to try to make the best out of what you’ve got…remember that this is not a number’s game…and surely this is not something that you just do it one time only…love blossom because of the quality of your love…and not the quantity of those materials which you’ve poured… It’s all fun and games when love is getting too easy to be obtain…but more or less, one way or another…he or she’s true feeling shall emerge itself…and trust me guys…the physical appearances of those so-called “soul” can be ugly sometimes…I guess pointing fingers just won’t cut it when that time comes…  

Charity Or Sympathy…!!!

Which One Do We Usually Choose…?

A part from being conceited by our own “kindness”, we tend to forget the true meaning of “giving” thus makes us vulnerable to those humanly perceptions that blinded us…Have you ever felt that the world around you be so much of a rascal sometimes? We wanted to be acknowledge and accepted by our peers and friends by presenting whatever proportion that we have…but they keep on putting our salvation away by saying stuff like “you are not good enough…” or “hypocrites…”

Being left alone in this world proves that only the “fittest” survives…but not everyone shares the same idea…I for myself always belief that every ounce of contribution that we’ve made throughout this years will only serves us years to come…so it’s more like a personal investment instead of an “instant profits”…

It’s funny to see how much we struggle to achieve something in life, but forgetting the fact that there are bunches of other people that shares the same idea…so how much are the odds of us getting there? Because from what I’ve learned, people tend to question the reasoning behind “giving” or “contributing”…but only few seems to ask “The impact…” and “The goodness…” of those action….sad right?

Fool of Fools…!!!

I may be too diligent by saying this…but for me, those “fools…” are a fool among “fools…” which make them lost the benefit of “giving” all these years…How can we say our self as “moving forward” but the lesser we earn results the lesser we yearn? It should be the other way around right?

All of us shares the same goal…and those goal probes millions of ways to reach it…but we tend to shredded our way up into those small holes which we call “opportunity”…I mean, come on…!!! God is not that cruel in giving only one small windows of opportunity to all of us right? Everyone deserve the every rights to receive the treasure chest…The game of life is not the same as those football games…we didn’t receive only one ball for each games…we have been given a ball to each and every one of us…but the question is, will we shoot the ball onto the net? Will we dribble it? Will we pass it to others? Its all depend on you…!!! Think about it…

Enough Charity…!!!

Should I stop? Should I keep on “giving”? Should I waste another time of my life by “serving” others?is the question which I could not answer within my current state…I mean, if I recap back at all my pass experience, the reason of “me” being the “me” I am right now is because of those “giving’s” and without it, I could never reach to where I am right now…that’s for sure…but I acknowledge that every good deeds has its limits…not just for the others…but also for myself…so I can only just pray that Allah is giving enough strength to keep on “giving” instead of “receiving”…and only then, I can finally say to myself that “I’m done….”….at least for now… J How about you?

Hopes and Dreams…!!!

How do you define it…?

It’s supposed to be as simple as “what I want in life” right? But what makes it complicated? This question lingers in my mind for quite some time now. Maybe because I’m such an airhead to the extent where those unnecessary comment means nothing to me….

What you want is up to you…that are from my standpoint…but nowadays it’s not so due to various reasons which blocked your intention and captivate you in your own world….why so? Why must you condone to others limitation? They maybe can’t reach to where you stand, so they envy your success or your road to success…because for them, it’s impossible (which is also wrong on their part)…

Our limitation only exist when we allow them to appear…same goes to our fears, interest, passions, and many more…I just don’t understand why we must limit ourselves? Not only it sounded wrong and weak…but it also demotivate me at some point which makes me reconsider a few things that I want to achieve in life…and I hate it so much… L

Do You Deserve To Have Them…?

I belief strongly that everyone deserve to have dreams and hopes…why shouldn’t them? We are all created equally…regardless of gender…status…religion…and many more…we are entitle to own ourselves…there is no such thing as “fix” in life’s dictionary…because the only thing that is certain are “changes” right? So, in my opinion…changes represent “choices” which could lead to another set of “destination” each time we make them…and this is what we call “decision”….so the only “sin” that we bear when we reach to a wrong destination is on those decisions that we make…not the result…so don’t blame yourself too much when we diverted ourselves a bit…sometimes maybe there are some hiccups along the way…some maybe reach to the point where their resources or support are exhausted, so they couldn’t reach those goals…and started to “give up”….on that level, I pretty much understand…but you yourself need to know when to start to go back up and try again…for some people, it’s a game of endurance…for some, it’s more on strategy…there are also “luck”….but I don’t put my hopes too high on that…maybe it’s nice to have them once or twice...just in case…hehe J

Supporters and Hater…?

You have to anticipate that along your road to reach your “destination”, you’ll meet those whom support you…and those whom despise you…either way, both of this type are important in gaining the leverage to get “there”…for me, never hate someone too much…and never love someone too much also…because you’ll never know when will these two swaps with each other…I occasionally heard stories in which some of my friend of friends turn their back on each other and put a wall in between…and the sad part about these two is, they have been friends for like forever…and when something happen which triggers both interest, they decided to protect themselves and lead to this commotion…whereas, some stories I’ve heard that there are enemies which becomes friend because of their arguments between each other throughout all the years …and suddenly have this some sort of rationalization that they actually like each other weaknesses and can’t live without their comments to improve themselves…

I guess right now…anything can happen…right? You do the judging…

The Chronicles of Key Board Warrior...!!!

Everyone is a journalist...!!!
Social media (such as this) proves to be such a hit which make a lot of people can easily express their feelings, thoughts and other emotions that pops into their mind...some choose to post something symbolic about their life...some prefer foods and beverages...other just plain expression of their emotions which sometimes can lead to a more incurable stagings...so is this phenomenon probes a positive attributes? or not?
Simply put, i vouch for those "silver lining" between these two...i mean, there are a lot of positive creations, but those negative faults also need to be put into the account...I can't really create much of a scene because i am one of those goons so-called, so the idiom towards this debate is scarcely directed to a more redundant facts...Not to mention those obligated resentment to disclose any particular details which should be concealed is hardly addictive to social appraisals and "like" buttons...i mean, i'm not saying that i'd excluded myself from this, but clearly consider the after-effect which stimulate your eagerness to "write" before you post something...because those wrongly deciphered words could cause you more than your "earnings"

Emotions before Brains...!!!

There are few whom decided to put everything on the line for the sake of "self-retributions" and most of the time their actions involve other parties which result a more destructive cause...I still don't fully understand the reasons behind it (besides wanting to make a point) but one things for sure is that these group of people play dice with their action more than enough to be casually appose by their surroundings...
Is it worth it? to be those so-called "warrior" that doesn't have any support? or the physical confrontation towards your benefactors? I myself always believe in the art of confronting your enemy, even it meant to be harshly caste by them, because that's the real confrontation for me...but how about these groups? Their whole meaning of self-justice is solely being behind the screen and resent the world which might not even existed in the first place...and the more their "writings" being resent by the public, the more they hate the world around them (especially those whom know them personally which involves directly or indirectly in the conflicts)...

Happy Ending...?
Most of the key board warrior that I've met so far could not gain "respective" recognition by their piers...and some of them live in dark alley of the society...just seeing their eyes lurking at their new target is enough to creeps me out...because honestly, some of them do have quite a "stare" if you know what i mean...I always pledge myself to approach this group as often as i can to provide my insight of their doings, but sad as it seems, their personality do comes in sets which lured me towards the wrong side of the fence very much often...Those smiles and greetings proves to be just a mirage and those warm gesture of "listening s" does not even switch any sparks into their "acceptance"...I do get pissed off sometimes by their hypocrisy but i can't seems to dodge my way out on retrieving their moralities back to the realities of the world...I just feel sorry for them..I really do :-(


      

Ticklish Minglish...!!!

Probably...!!!

You think that you would never want to do it until the opportunity present themselves in front of you. The same theory imply to everyone...not even a single soul exempted from this phenomenon. You think that your "saint" side would prevent you from doing it...but for how long? Usually, we say those "admirable" words because we are not capable of doing it...but what happen when we can? can you NOT be tempted by your own desire? What if those "opportunity" comes with a set of perfectly figured form? would you be "gentlemen" enough to void it?
Perfectly shaped body, silky hair, white fairer skin, hazel eyes, soft-touches, sexy voice would do the trick just fine...am I right? I mean, every man always dream to have such "affair" but only those selected few would do it for real...but for what cause? Is it worth it? To let go of something firm and solid such as your current relationship with something that could probably just be a "fling" along the side roads.


Ready To Mingle...?
Its a good question though...are you ready to put everything on the line? Your whole life is revolve around your relationship between that someone special...but why would anyone want to risk it? Try to remember the first time you try to woe her...those long hours of sleepless night thinking about her...those gift-cards that you first wrote to her...countless time chasing a glance of her smiles...sneaking outside her house at night just to see her turn off the light...putting flowers under her desk during recess period...buying her a birthday present and hope that she found it to be special...gazing at the stars at night whilst hoping that she would do the same...write her name out of your notebook or draw a face which make you think of her every time you look at it...I mean, try to remember all those things that you've done to her...all those effort proves that she is worth the trouble...because deep down inside your heart, you knew that she's the one...why choose the other?  

It's A Guy Thing...!!!
As a guy, i have to admit that it is in our manly-instinct to act the way that we are right now...and never a doubt that for a guy, able to attract more "chicks" is consider as a winning end and this probes to the other male that we are superior in our own terms...but nevertheless, its also possible for us to guide those ballistic lust of ours towards a more meaningful end...and personally I think that it would be a more rewarding gift to be able to flourish every ounce of your love and devotion towards that one special someone...I mean...that's love is all about, right?  

Forgive to Forget...!!!

Not Many Willingly Do This...!!!
I've tried this before...and it is hard as hell...have you ever been in the situation where someone has made something wrong in your life, and you keep pushing yourself to forgive them simply because you still want them to be a part of your life? I don't know whether this is an act of "love" or just plain "stupidity"...
But pretty much as it seems, I think I'd be able to relate to them lots...because I've been there before...You think that you know those people as much as you knew their intentions were...but it seems in the end, they just not whom they seems...I've cried over this...over and over again...been thinking a lot about it...in the end, it's just a waste of time...because somehow you just can't change who they are...unless they let you...Deep in your heart, you wanted a matrimonial judgement...you want them to suffer...you want them to pay the price...even those smiling faces of yours didn't hide those deep intention within...is it bad?

Love Comes In Many Forms...!!!
"Letting go" is one of them...don't think that loving is "having" them next to you...sometimes, love take place far away...it even transcend times and space...so, don't be sad whether you be in the pinch of choosing between "having" or "letting go"...what matters the most is your happiness...if you're not happy with that person, just them go...or if that person is not happy with you, you should do the same thing...Love comes in many forms (which i think is one of the wonders of love itself) because "hatred" is also one of them...you "hate" because you care...if not, that person does not hold any interest in your life wouldn't them?
Changing the facts that you will "suffer" if that person leave you surely marks a black dots in the emptiness of your heart, right? but for me, seeing them smiling everyday...living happily is what matters the most...you want them to be beside you because you think that you can bring happiness to them, but as fate turns out, they are destined to be with someone else...so accept it wholly and grace yourself because whether you acknowledge it or not, that person is actually "happy"...but it seems your anger just focusing on the fact that those happiness doesn't come from you..am I right?

Forgive them...!!!
Even they are the ones to be blame...just let them go...because every soul needs a closure...and that closure will determine your next move...whether you'll become more mature or just stuck at where you are right now...you do the math...!!! Every moment that you had with them should be remembered...if you ask me, I feel blessed because I have been a part of someone else life for a change...even though it was brief and not so much of a romantic scenes, but i know that it was because of me that she find that "other person"...it was me that make her feel "confident" of her choice...it was me whom make her heart able to feel "love" like she wanted...even though I'm not the one whom make her cheers, but i'm sure that i'm the one whom open up the door to her happiness...

Couples Fight…!!!

Why do we fight?

Well, it depends on the topic of your argument…sometimes its small…and sometimes its big….most of the “couple” seems struggling to play dice with this enigma…I’m not gonna lie to all of you, some of “us” do like to play with fire….thus came out with terms like “spicing up our relationships….” Or “Just to kill times….” Haha :-p

Some of my friends did it due to valid reasons like “too much pressure…”, “annoyed by your actions….” Or “jealousy….” And for whatever reasons they may be, the constant anger does not hide the true face of your relationships….i mean, when you fight, all of your hidden feelings seems flowing endlessly, am I right? Some choose (intentionally or unintentionally) throw a flashback on past-sins just to win the arguments….some choose to stress on the current problems…some didn’t even have a clue of the fights but keep on arguing for the sake of ego and pride…some like to put facts onto the table to seal the wins…some try to put vague arguments just so that they can get away from some responsibility….some just try to end up the relationship because they had someone else in mind…some like to play dumb and just ignore “the talk” for some reason….looking at all the possibilities, I might say that having this so-called “couple-fights” does have its turns….it just a matter of going wrong or right…!!!

It’s a sign…!!!

Better be careful when the “sweet talks” between both of you suddenly turns into a regular “pet talks” or “distant chats”…it’s always a bad sign when suddenly the relationships turns distant for no reason (or with vague reasons) because it means that either one of you are trying to make a mess out of the relationships….many relationships tend to end due to this reason…and being at the other end of the string would really suck at this moment…

Maybe your partner tries to tell you something of his/her disagreement over the things that you’ve done…most of the time, we tend to not realize of our own wrongdoings…some taken for granted over solid relationships which lead to a break ups…some being too stringent with their partner to the extent of suffocating them with the relationships….some puts too much rules and list of Do’s and Don’ts…some being too overprotective of their partner…some simply being too carefree of their partner feelings which make them feel insignificant…some loses their charms and looks…Its funny when we think about this reasons but trust me, its valid and existed…so please define your relationships level and their trajectory…if you feel that it is going towards a positive future, means that both of you are doing fine...but if otherwise, better revise back with your partner…or simply just have “the talk” :-/

 

Don’t let a boring you spoils hers…!!!

Try to change…be a better person…I know that accepting you as who you really are is what being in a relationships is all about…but doesn’t it also supposed to boost you in becoming a better person? Doesn’t it supposed to create a perfect you with her present? Doesn’t it supposed to lift you to a higher level when you are at your emotional perfections peak? As far as I know, these are the traits of having someone there besides you…not the other way around…”be a better you for her” is what I always say J

Turning The Table…!!!

It takes courage…!!!

Not many dares to take this oath…I mean, surrendering yourself to the idea of you yourself are not worthy of such “chance”; regardless of what it is….is just the same as lowering your ego…your self-belief…your passion…your ideology…your everything towards the extend of putting you in the other side of the fence…admitting your lost is somewhat challenging especially to those whom have a higher price than the Himalayas…personally, I also struggling to admit it myself…because you always “think” that you are right…right? So blinded by that thought makes anyone feel “determine” of whatever choices or action that they made…and when other people started to make even a slightest comment of those things that you do…you tend to retaliate… L

Not to mention if among those “commentator” lies your competitor or enemy…thus the acceptance level becomes lower and prove to have a negative impact on your life in the long run…”what if they were right…” will never be in the picture…trust me...I’ve been there…

I believe that it takes more than just “rationality” or “peace of mind” to turn the table around…because they will always be “walls” which burdens or deteriorate you from finding the truth (or at least making a point) in life…

Admit it…!!!

For me, admitting your defeat or losses are the first step of avoiding self-deprivation…thus make yourself open for other possibility of regaining strength to “win back” what you’ve loss or finding something better…Judging by those facts, only you can lift up your courage to do something more and meaningful with your life…because there a much more to this world than what you think…

Don’t be too prideful with what you’ve had or done so far…because those so-called “signature you” maybe didn’t even count in the “new you” at present…people are changing, why shouldn’t you? Ask yourself this question as many times possible…then you’ll get what I mean… J

Don’t get me wrong…having a philosophy in life is good…not to mention being the “you” you wanted “you” to be is admirable at times…but known this…if those so-called “ideology” of yours would benefit negatively towards the people surrounding you, what would be the implication of those act? You yourself made the choice which giving the chance of others to resent you more than what they already have…It’s not a good “philosophy” now is it? :-p

Live Now, So You Can Fight Tomorrow…!!!

This is a good statement…I mean, don’t think that all those people that you’ve seen on the street are ordinary or typical “street walker”…because you’ll never know whether those alleyways walker is commonly beings which considered as “fallen” in your own sense of belief…or just those “extra-ordinary” gentlemen which waiting for their time to shine…each people have their own story to tell…just like you and I…so treat them as such…respect them when passing by…because, just like us…they are also struggling with whatever life has thrown away at them…and yet, they still able to walk tall in front of you…

Turning the table is not easy…sometimes you need helps from others to do it…some choose to do it alone…some do it for fame and glory…some struggle for it just so they can change their standards of living…some only can pray for it because they couldn’t even think of making the first steps…so if you are among those whom “chosen” to be a part of it…be grateful…because what you have right now, could be someone else “dreams and prays”….. 

Can Ex’s still be Friend?

Can you fight the feelings?

You were once fall in love with each other…sharing something that only both of you know…the moment that you had is irreplaceable…the warmth of your partner still been felt under your skin….and yet you weren’t the same as you were before…can you cope with that? Can both of you keep on lying to each other by saying that “it is okay” between the two of you? The daring gesture of your wishful-eyes will always stare at her…glance at her…and without you noticing, you’ve been all over her…your mind…your thoughts…your attention is drawn towards her…can you still say that “I’m okay…”?

It is tough when two Ex’s still wanted to be friend because of the feelings that drawn both of them towards each other is so strong…can you blame them…? The irony of seeing that person which once standing beside you surely mark this awkwardness…uncertainties…sadness…guilt…anger…and so many more which only one heart can define…In the end, you can’t do anything anymore…either you or them that responsible for it…the relationship has set its sail (for some reason) and it bound to not be similar as what it used to be…not any more…!!!

Sad isn't it? What I can say is…I never would have dream of this could ever happen to me…and when it does…it sucks…!!! L

The Fake smiles…!!!

Reality checks…seeing that person in front of you every single day really put the needle in your heart, right? What does it mean? Does I still have feelings towards her? If I be so bold…I would say “yes” in a heartbeat….but you just can’t simply do that stuff…because it will put some false hope towards yourself…in your mind, you’ll always think that “she didn’t even care about my feelings anymore…or did she…” and this puzzle will repeat themselves until the very last of her glance a far…

Then this “fake smiles” and “fake feelings” start to appear…these bastards only know one thing…”to conflicts every ounce of your feeling towards that person and make it disappear…”and the last thing you know, you’ve been putting up this “smiles” which full of sorrow and despair…and trust me…It shows…!!!

You can always lie with your smiles…but your heart will always stay true…I think, that is one of the wonder of the human heart…to be honest…I don’t think that there is other honest organ in the human anatomy other than the heart…and the sucky part it…that thing only omit “beats” to express its intention…the more it beating…the more crucial and important that stuff for you (say’s your brain…) but still, your brain understand it…your body felt it…your whole senses receive it… :-/

Faking your feeling surely a tough thing to do…and it’s also not healthy…so stop…!!!

The Tears within…!!!

I’ve experience this hundreds of times before (and now still)…it is tough when having the person that you’ve love in front of you…let along someone that have be with you (for how many years…) just being there…near but far…so close until you can smell her cologne yet untouchable…you just want to shout at her “I still love you….can we please get back together…?” but it seems not working like that…either it’s you pride that’s holding you…or simply just the fear…fear of losing her again…from my part…losing her once is enough…if it did happen again, I don’t know whether I can bear the feelings or not…It is good enough that we are still friends…at least I’m happy when she’s happy…and I’m happy for everything that makes her happy…I think this is when “true love” reveal itself…a wise man once said “love is not about possession, it is about appreciation…” and by doing this, I found out that I appreciate he existence more than ever…even we are not together like we once did before…but at least being this close…seeing her living her dream…finding that “better person” than me…and smiling day by day…make my day worth a while…makes me realize that every ending has a new beginning…those were hers…and hopefully mine were just around the corner…!!!  

Don’t Be Afraid…!!!

To Love…!!!

Believe it or not, I just have an amazing chat with my old friend just now…for me to be able to meeting him is considered as “lucky” enough because this guy is whom I looked up for before (and we rarely see each other since the past four years)…Since I’ve known him, he were like this super cool dude with his knowledge and observation towards his surroundings and everything….not to mention “religious” For me he is the ideal person which I try to become…but I guess I’m still far from reaching it :-P

We are at the same age…and we both recently completed our studies…and we were like chatting on how tough it was to get a job nowadays…and not to mention doing some “catching up” with each other’s life…suddenly he reach his pockets and brought out a card that says “Wedding’s Ceremony” and somehow his name were on it…this proves to be a really good news for me since he told me about his engagement news a year before J I just can’t believe another one of my best friend is getting married…

Upon our chats, he were all like “I’m lucky to have her…” and “This is what Allah has planned for me…” with a smile which I can’t even describe with words on how happy his faces look-a-like J His love story is the most “shortest-but-daring” which I’ve ever witness (myself)…and this chronicles of his will forever be imbedded in my mind (I can’t tell you the details…sorry…!!!) :-p

I’ve told him my situation and he replied “don’t worry…your destiny has already been set up by Him, the only question is when and where….not how or whom…because the choice are already been given for you to reach it…but the end is been blanked for a reason…for us to put our faith in Him…always remember that His love is greater than your disappointment...and His plan are better than your dreams…what you need to do is just belief and don’t be afraid…because He is always be with you…always…” Gosh…!!! How can he be so cool with those words…haha

To Get Married…!!!

I always heard that no matter what your life’s situation are, when you've married, it will change everything…since few of my friends has proven it, It seems that those statement are true enough to be belief inn… (It’s not that I'm being cynical about these things…) Your way of living…your wealth…your maturity…everything will change themselves…but the question mark for me personally is whether those changes are for the better or worse?

My friend said to me that “how can you say that the person that sits next to you will bring you despair and ruining your life? Whatever reason that they may be, it will come back to Allah’s plan…and His plan are absolute…no flaws…and believe me when I say this…your life…or any other people’s life will change for the better...In Shaa Allah…”

When I think it back clearly…the person could never be some bad intrusion towards my life…she can never be...because having her is enough to make my day worth awhile…let along being a hindrance…man...I am such a stupid douche…

  

To Chase Your Dreams…!!!

A wise men once said “A man work under the broad daylight to feed himself…but work on nigh falls to reach his dream” In my defence, we are all dream-chaser…but the distance between each of us is how we reach them…some falls…and some prevails…but nothing comes easy…and nothing comes clear…success is just something which we created ourselves…but the means to reach it already been fated…

Being said all of these makes me realize that being afraid is just prove how big my dreams were...but it doesn't mean that it is impossible to reach it…it just means that I need to go out of my comfort zone to grab it…but for whatever it worth…I know that when I reach my destination...I will be a different person…J

What Should I Do…?

When I've met With Her?

Wow…all these time I keep on mumbling about how great it will be when we finally meet, but I never actually think about the things that I should do when I actually meeting her…!!! What would I say to her? Should I start off with a joke? Or just plain casual? Should I lead the conversation or just let her do all the talking? Any suggestion guys? Haha J

I know that some of you would say stuff like “don’t worry…it will flow inn…just ride with it…” but seriously man…I’m such a nervous rack when it comes to speaking with the person which I like (but not other girls…I’m not that lame…)

Gosh…how I wish I was someone else right now…it would be much simpler…those “someone else” got the looks…personality…charms…masculinity…arghhhhh thinking about it makes me devastated a bit…but even so, I still love myself J

When We Are Together…!!!

What follows next is the big “O” moment…which I think I kind of “assuming” it to be really magical and full of love…(what a douche right..!!!) but does it stops there? Yesterday I’ve listen to this one love song (I forgot the singer’s name) but the lyrics goes something like this:

One…you’re like a dream come true…

Two…just want to be with you…

Three…will make you see that you’re the only one for me…

Four…repeat steps one, two, three….

Five…Make you fall in love with me…

When I know that all of these is done…

I will go back at one…   

Such a beautiful lyrics…and the song is really good… (kinda remember a bit...is it Brian something…owh yeah...its Brian McKnight…haha finally I could remember it…) :-p

I guess everything got its cycle...and it goes the same in loving people...sometimes your love fades over time…but that doesn’t mean that It has gone away…it’s just simply means that you got the chance to relieve your love life all over again…wow…this song really inspire me to be a better lover (even though I never be in any formal relationships yet) but it never to shame to admit it ...right?

When I’m her only one and she’s mine…!!!

There are sayings that said “The true love exist only when the women choses her man over nothing and when the man’s loyal when he is everything…” This are among those words which I found profoundly true...because nowadays, almost all the girl that I’ve met expected me to have everything (as if that I was born in a rich family or have a gold mine of my own) or sees me that much closer to either Brat Pitt or Dean Cain reincarnation…it’s kind of a burden to meet those expectation whilst my real responsibility has been put onto caring my mom and sisters…gosh…!!! If only I could find that special girl that will accept me (and my responsibility) and love me of who I am instead of whom I try to become J Well, nothing worth dying comes easy…am I right?

The Deepest Feeling…!!!

When you’ve met someone special…!!!

Do you ever feel this very deep urge within you that makes your heart rushing endlessly? Suddenly your breathing seems harder to maintain…that “split seconds” flashes of you and that person’s being together…for certain people, those flashes may end up standing in front of the isle with them…gosh! What a feeling right?

Able to have those feeling is enough to make a person’s day…at least for me:-p Every time when I end up at the mall, or library, or just simply when jogging at the park…when I met a girl (that just simply passing by) I would think to myself…”what would it feel to love you…?” and those question always end up with me staring at that girl until she’s out of sight…haha :-p (makes me a freak right..?) But I seems to not be able to help it…I’m just that curious of how it would feel….!!!

Even though I still in the run to find “her”…but it seems that she is nearer now than she ever was…her scent started to take its form…her face started to appear…and her voice seems louder than before…”she is near….” were what I always told myself J

Day Passes By…!!!

Truthfully…I am tired of waiting…every single day seems longer and less enjoyable…not as what my life used to be…but, I do feel more rejoiced….more alive than whom I were ever was…it’s a funny thing which I have to certainly say that “I am dying…but It’s much better than living without knowing that I’ve tried…” J

My heart is more stronger than It was before…I could control my emotions better and not to mention my confidence level are going up the charts (from where it used to be…) I’m blessed…but I can’t deny that sometimes I feel like I’ve been cursed also…but that is a different story which my “dark side” would love to write…

It does seems like I am waiting for someone…someone which destined to be with me till the rest of my life...someone whom will see me unlike anyone else…but personally, if I can sent a letter to Allah, I’m pretty sure that the letterhead would sound more like “How much longer does I need to bear…” because I’m anxious to meet her…I really do J

The Puzzles…!!!

I think I can already visualize some of her character now (better than before)…and maybe some of you would ask “how do I know that I can?” well, to answer that, let me tell you how I used to search for her?

Basically before this, I used to imagine that my girl would be really beautiful (you can’t be mad at me because I do have high expectation due to my waiting...it should count for something…right?) haha but when the time passes by…those girl that I found really beautiful seems not very appealing anymore…it was like something is missing about that girl…and those so called “hot and sexy” body which I used to adore now seems less attractive…the “bitchy-like” girl which I found profoundly mark as “interesting and exciting” now seems a little more annoying…

Have I changed? Or Have I gone mad? Because those girl are hot as hell…!!! But why do I feel less attracted to them rather than before? (Hopefully I’m not turning gay…haha) But when I think about it more carefully, the answer takes a form of a poetry which I think quite brilliant (blushes by my own self-proclaims)       

“They are a sea of virgin…and those which are not…count them all, then you shall neither find love or happiness…only despair await those whom blindly driven by lust but not those whom cherishes every ounce of beauty that lies within her…crave for it but not as far thus your faith guide you…thus your heart tells you…thus your instinct leads you…you are your own path…you are your own journey…because all men follow those path chosen for them, but those real man chose his own path…”  

A Cry For Help…!!!

Am I Doing It Right Now…?

I guess for the past years, all my action has always been a cry for help…those stupid jokes I've made…those crazy outfit that I've wore…those relentless hours that I've spend in front of the mirror trying to see something which doesn't exist…those fake smiles which I've put just so that people won’t see my tears…I think it is true of which “you think you wanted yourself to disappear, but the truth is that you just wanted to be found”

Not to mention…my family needs me…they belief in me…they supported me…so I guess it’s only viable for me to wipe off my fear in discreet and keep on moving forward for them…don’t get me wrong…I'm not anyone’s hero or saviour (nor I wanted to be…) but in the end “you just got to do what’s right for the ones you've loved…” am I right?

But for most of my part (besides my family…) none of those people stood up and give me the answer of who I am…!!! Beat it friends or foes…to be honest, I just don’t know who am I in their eyes….and this strikes me for quite a bit of a shocker because mostly when you live your life along the way…you’ll get to know yourself better…(at least that’s what people told me…) but it just didn't happen to me…

I'm Not Perfect…!!!

Even a stupid person can justify this statement of mine…everyone is born with flaws…and so do I…I know that sometimes I can be a little bit cranky when people tries to justify my “doings” as if I knows everything…but the truth is…I just wanted to be guided…and truth be told…I am stupid as hell-from some perspectives…haha

Just because people feel intimidated by me...doesn't mean that I am better than them…those are just my self-defence mechanism that tells those “jerks” out there to bug-off and stop messing around with me…but not a “wall” which prevent people to tell me what I did was wrong…or stupid…If they were…then I'm apologizing from the very depth of my heart :-p

Personally, I think that it’s cruel to let someone clueless of his doings…I know that most of us tries to cope that phenomenon by being “truthful” about it…and the result sometimes aren't as what you've hoped for…am I right? But the Idea of “helping” them are already there…what you need to do is just to know the best possible way to touch their heart rather than ignite their anger…!!! It can get ugly sometimes :-p

Justification….!!!

If you saw me lingering my ass off by faking myself being busy as hell in front of you means that I just want you to see me working hard and hopefully you would take me seriously when giving me a chores…If you saw me singing a bit loud so that people on the other room can hear my voice means that I want them to listen to my vocal (doesn't matter whether it is good or not) so don’t go and make negative comments on that….If you saw me wearing tight jeans or shirts…It just means that I want to show you how many weight I've lost…so don’t be all sceptic about how I look like (because It is not easy to came out of the closet…) If you saw me looking at the mirror for too long is because I just concern of my hair or how my buttocks still big...so don’t go and say stuff like “whatever reason you look at the mirror won’t change anything….” Kind of crap…because you never know how those words can ruin a person’s life or self-motivation…try to be respectful and understand their doings…because from my experience being within those group…all of those doings are my way of “crying for help…” and only those who listens and sees me thoroughly can capture that J

      

Between Paranoia and Stupidity…!!!

Where Did I Do Wrong…?

I just need to define this actions of mine whilst considering the effect of it towards my life onwards…It’s devastating to be put in between “letting go” of something firm and concrete to grasp this blurred truth of my destiny…I know that most of us have this side-effect of “knowing too much” and due to that, we tend to keep on hoping for other windows of opportunity to come and knocking on our doors…but let’s face it…sometimes we need to “choose” what’s rolling in front of us…even though that might not be what we wanted in life…but at least it’s what has been given by “Him” to us at the moment….

Being conspicuous does has its perks…sometimes it “swings” on your way…and sometimes “the other way around”….but this game of “fetch” will always be repeated until one of us actually decided to “catch it”….Right now, I’ve born with this “unconditional” respect to those whom (without a doubt) pick the closes opportunity without even thinking or hesitated and live with that decision for his entire life…because I could never do that…I just couldn’t L

Do I Have Too…?

Not everyone been given a smooth gate away to heaven…some of us struggles just to have a sniff of the scent of success…and most of us die trying to even have that opportunity lies in front of them….so how do I justify this action of mine by letting this opportunity “slips by” just like that…? Am I an idiot? Am I picky of this sort of things? As I reckon myself, I always consider the pro’s and con’s when it comes to making big life-decisions like this…but somehow this time it’s different…Its totally not the same as it use too…why?

Why do I caught up with this obvious-looking problems which I just recently uncover…? Do I have to justify everything that I’ve done? Do I really need to tell the world of my reasoning? Because for some reason, I felt that the world is judging me without even looking at my perspectives….they lingers and looking down at you whilst giving this aura of negative perceptions of “you don’t know anything…” to you….It sucks…!!! But I guess it’s the kind of a price that most of us need to pay to let ourselves loose from their grips…I really hope that I did it…!!! I really do….

When To Decide…?

I still don’t have the answer for this yet…but I strongly belief that when the time comes…I will know about it….Not everyone can predict the future (metaphorically speaking) and not everyone have experience dealing with making a big-life-changing decisions…but when the time comes, those fear of making wrong decision will surely turns you into a more mature person…because by that time, you have the pressure of doing something that will affect those whose dear to you…and due to that, you will eventually have to decide for what is best at the moment for all of you (not just yourself)…  

No Matter What...!!!

I Don't Care....!!!

Recently I've made a realization on how strong the feeling of one human towards another. The conversation that me and my sister made the other day provoked my curiosity to seek for an answer for this phenomenon. For me, this is quite odd if you see it in a glance but in the sense of abnormality, it doesn't even counted as one. She has made it clear that the feeling she harvest towards this one person is unconditional. It's kind of funny because every time she mention about this "dude" it's always in a negative form of his. "He always say bad stuff about me in front of other people...", or "He always made fun of me when he's around his friend..." has always be her traits of him....and it bugs me every time she mention about his wrongdoings because clearly "he is not interested in you..." :-(

I keep on advising him (from a guy perspective) that he has no intention whatsoever in hooking up with her..but it turns out that those conversation always ended with a "sigh" and she seems to not able to grasp the idea that the person will never be with her (bluntly speaking)

"Nooooo....he just not into me right now...but eventually he will look me differently..." as she always said. I always be at furious every time she ended our discussion with this statement, because clearly she is routing for someone that is clearly doesn't show any sign of "attraction" towards her, and making the matter worst, she consistently seeking for my aid every time that "deuce bag" broke her heart...!!! I think I'm gonna have a heart attack :-(

The Heart That Tasted A Little Bit of Kindness...!!!

In my sister case, the earlier stage when all these craze starts to happen is when that "dude" offer her some help in the classroom. I mean, just with those small-small chores like helping her to sweep the floor after class could lead to this "madness" act which drive her crazy through her whole semester...!!! Why?

I guess when you received this small pieces of kinships which you misinterpreted as "Love", the impact towards your whole life afterwards could be disasters. She always have this idea that those "help" is a sign of "hitting" and those casual "smiles" is a sign of "attraction"....i mean COME ON...!!! Be a bit rational about this...We "guys" are not that easy......trust me...I know..!!!

Sometimes its just the act of socializing which we (guys) do casually to approach new friends...just saying hello's or greet you politely doesn't mean "anything" serious...Please do not caught up with those myth...!!!

It sometimes break my heart to see her "day-dreaming" about something which only exist in her dreams (but yet it shows in her real life also) and it divert her from her real objectives like "study" or getting her life together....but i guess i can't do much when the "heart" already feel those soft edges of other person's kindness...even blood-line couldn't shake those things up...haha :-p

Love Is More Than Words...!!!

Its an endless effort in saying "I care about you..." not just those single-driven act which has not been repeated in times...Love is not easily interpreted but it doesn't mean that It's hard to come by...If you really love (or be loved) by someone, be sure that those "kindness" or "Smiles" flows endlessly to the extend of this "awkwardness" which makes you feel the urge to "do more" :-) Then you can safely say "That person is attracted to me..." or "something is happening between you two..."~but not going too far with the statement~ or the truth will hurt you more :-(

I really hope that my sister will find her true love someday...not someone that only took care of her health, but also someone who'll understand her the way that nobody's ever did...because for me, that is "LOVE..." and the one whom seek it should be able to see them in its truest form...not its mirage or shadows...like i always says "The bush is scary..but the scariest part of the bush is the things inside it..." you can only imagine what's love before having it...but when you felt it..it will never be the same... :-) 

           

Happy One Year Anniversary...and Happy New Year To All...!!!

How time flies…!!!

Oh my god..!!! Has it been a year already? Gosh…how time flies when you stop looking at the clock…am I right? I guess it’s about this time around when I first step into this blogging “craze” and started to write my first “confession”…and as I recall correctly…I was soooo sad and mad at myself during that time…let it be about love…and life…I was so desperate to express my feeling which led me decides to let the world to decide it for me…haha

I just receive my (I don’t know how many) freshly remorse…I keep on blaming myself and almost all the time pointing finger at myself for all the wrong doings of others…I was young, and naïve…and always care about what people think about me rather than what I suppose to do to myself…gosh..!! What a rally…haha

Right now...i think the door has open itself for me to explore myself more deeply…i have made a lot of progress in finding “who am I” for the past year…and I must say to myself that “I really feel good about this…” Sometimes you wonder where you supposed to be and when you suppose to do it….Am I right? But when you already started (like what I’ve did) the question suddenly change to “where do I stop..?” haha

Boooo whoooo…!!!

No more crying…no more mourning…no more hoping….no more depending…I just have to state this facts to those people whom tries to take me for granted…because I’m a new man now J I’ve changed….no more “old me…” just accept the facts guys and girls….

If you ask me personally, do I really hate my old self so bad that I’ve decided to abandon it just like that? And the answer for it is “I don’t…” and who says that I decided to change myself totally? Haha

What I mean by “no more old me” is just an expression of those weaknesses that I’ve shown to those whom doesn’t worth for it…and how I wanted to improve myself to better lead my life than what I’ve done in the past J I have to understand that I’ve make mistakes…and those mistakes seems irreversible…(people are talking about me…what can I do about it?...) Instead of trying to make them stop…I decided to make them talk more about me by making myself better…I think it will do me more good than harm…don’t you think?

My 26 Years Old Cracked Mumblings…!!!

I’m old….i’m not 18 anymore…(not that I have a cool teenage life to begin with…) :-p but I do miss it once in a while…not having to think all these grown up problems ….living my life as free as possible…keep on wishing for those “fairy tale” ending…smiling every morning…listen to my moms and late-father’s voices every day…Feed my cats….watch my sister fighting each other at dawn…looking at the stars after the heavy rains…feeling the heavy wind across the paddy field…eating ice cream at the side of the road (whilst acting cool when doing it..) laughing at the old man tripping after scolding me and my friends for fooling around…being chase by mad cow for no reasons…catching fish with my bear hand at the river….fighting over whose have more “super power” with my friends after watching our favorite action heroes series…climbing those tall fruit-trees and fall down after miss-grabs a small branches…getting my tooth pull out by the “evil dentist” during my primary school days….get stood out from class when I fail to complete my school exercises…being pinch by my teacher because I was so loud in the class…laughing out loud when seeing my friends get an IV injection during our school days…and many more..!!!

I wish I could remember all those sweet memories…but I guess something are meant to be just for my heart to feel…my eyes to see…but not my conscious to kiss and tell about it…haha

My New Year Resolutions….!!!

Where to start I wonder….well, I have a lot of stuff that I wanted to do this year which I feel kinda wasted if I only focusing only on one thing…am I right? Hmmmm but if I wanted to rate all of them in one go...i would say that the most preferable thing that deserve my focus the most is “My family”…I wanted to payback to all of their hardship and patient in being besides me all this time…

Well, this year alone, both of my younger sister will continue their studies on a higher ground…and my mom isn’t getting any younger…so I guess trying my best to fulfill her wishes may ease up her pain a bit…Getting my life together is one of those small things that I need to do in order for me to get these stuff done…

Maybe seeing someone special might put a spark a bit in my life…getting to know someone that could be my soul partner is also one of those moment that I’ll be looking forward this year…haha J

Get a steady job…that have decent pay could spice my single life even better…getting all those stuff that I’ve envied the most might be among those list in my “To Do” item…not to mention travel across this nation would be nice…wouldn’t it?

But what can I say the most about this 2014 is that it will surely bring me more adventures and exciting life experience ahead…new friends…new environment…new status…I just can’t wait…I just can’t :-p