What Makes You Different...?

Is It The Taste...?
Have you ever met with someone that "thinks" that they are better than you? And always assume that they are superior than you in every level...? always look down on you...never wanted to hang out with you...never notices you....which makes me think, what makes them different than us? What makes them "think" that they are no less than different than us? hmmmm..because their reason seems legit based on their attitudes...So I did my own research on this...and guess what? the result is scarcely "stupid"....!!! and didn't seems legit at all...but those "posers" seems to be enjoying the view..and love the attention....what a douche...!!!
What i found out based on my observation is that those "posers" think that they are different than everyone else is due to their so-called "exquisite-taste" in certain field...and because of that, they felt superior than those whom seems lesser than their preferences....(but what the heck..?)...For example, some "posers" like good music...they love something exquisite like "Jazz" or "Classical" which they assume that not many people in their "neighborhood" would like them...so every time when everyone wanted to share their "favorite tracks"..these douche would proudly increase the volume of the speaker and let the world know that "I'm unique"...  instead of "This is what I like.."
Same thing goes to Car-enthusiast which always seek for either a really "vintage car" or highly regarded and really expensive car just to brag and feel unique...I do understand that everyone is constantly searching for that "one thing" that makes them different in hoping that other people would acknowledge them and recognize them as they were...but most of us trying so hard which we force ourselves to be someone which we are not...and that would contradict with who we truly are...and that is baaaaddddd....!!!!

Some Douche Just Like Being A Douche...!!!
Posing as someone else does bring confident for certain people...some wanted to be like "Jay Z"...some wanted to be like "Richard Branson"...some wanted to be like "Mandela"....i mean, having an idolize character does have its turning point..especially when people start to "compare" between you and the "real one"...would that be kinda ugly...???
Some just ignore the rule of nature (which everyone is different in their own way) and just keep on living in their dreams...always fantasizing about how great their life would be if they able to follow the footsteps of those character that they've followed...and consistently changes their principle...and being all blur and just following the stream as they walk pass by...(not a good one to be i tell you...)
As a fellow "douche-bags", i would suggest that starting from now, all of us need to be more like yourself and less like other people...but the trick to this sort of "shifts" is to identify "who are you...?" and "what is your style?"...some people takes years to found them..some got it right away...some just too lazy to figure those out and copy others instead...you make the choice...!!!

Everyone Is The Star In Their Own World...!!!
Never feel lesser than the rest of the world...regardless of who you are...and where you came from...you are unique as you yourself already...why must take the "highway" and change that fact...? People will still envy you even if you are poorer than them...shorter than them...fatter than them...darker than them...because your imperfection is the most perfect uniqueness of them all...some people would die to have what you have...regardless of whether you have a million dollars in your account or not... because having your own identity is what intrigue people the most...always remember that out there, billions of people still lurking and scrapping dirt and dust just to figure out who they are...so if you are confident that you already did, then you already a step ahead from those people...why must you feel inferior and bad about it? Learn to love yourself...because no one else would do them for you...and always cherish every inches of your body, because that God-given body is what makes you unique...maybe not in the eyes of others..but in-front of HIM, you will always be his one-and-only piece of unique creation....!!!
  

Life Is Short..Make It Meaningful...!!!

People Don't Realize It...!!!

Have you ever wonder why we are given a short period of time to live our life? Is it just for us to exist? or just to get by and die as a "normal" person...? And if it is, then would you feel happy about it? Would you never question about your existences? would you never felt empty and insignificant? I have that doubts about how we should live normally since i was really young...have you?
Have you ever wonder "why can that guy bought that really expensive car?..." or "how on earth that person could travel to places even though he didn't look like much..." Funny to add, because i keep on comparing those people with my family during those time (which is wrong in every level)....and at one point of time, i even question myself and my fate...and this has created a lot of confusions, and dissatisfaction throughout my childhood days...when i asked my mom or my dad about those stuff, and their reply would always be the same "not everyone have that chance in life...." or "we should be grateful of what we have..." I do understand our situation at that time..and i accept every bits of it since i can't make any changes about it...but what about now? Can i still make that difference? Can I change my own fate?

I Dream A Dream...!!!
Is it wrong to dream big? My religion and the people around me always say the same thing, "It is just enough for you to achieve something that can make you feel happy..." but what if "happiness" for me lies on those dark tunnel? What if i'm destined to do more than just being a regular person? What if...? (or do i understand it wrongly?)

It's a cruel question to ask your mom and dad..since they already given every bit of their effort just to make a living for all of us...and for certain people, this could lead to disrespect and hurtful to those whom we cherish and loved the most...but in some small part inside my heart, i kept on saying "there is nothing wrong to question our effort..or others...since we are all in this together..." the more we convey our thoughts, the more we understand each other..am I right?
I wish that someday I'll be able to touch the sky..and to hold those dream I've longed for..and be among those who achieved theirs...I can see that we will all laugh at our old mistakes...teasing each other's stupidity...see a lot of flashbacks...and drop tears at our previous sufferings and losses...even now i felt that I've lost so many things in life...but I need to keep on moving forward...to that very special place that only a certain people can enter...to the land of the dreamers...

Age Is Just A Number...!!!
I know that being at my age right now doesn't seems that bad to start something...but I'm pretty much sure that even though for the next 10 to 20 years ahead...if I failed to achieve my dreams..I will always be proud of myself...telling a lot of stories to my children..and my children's children....and I will make them annoyed by my story telling session...and they will keep on asking why didn't I achieve my dreams..and I will tell them those things I've done..and the thing's that I haven't have the chance too...and up to a certain time, when they are old enough to chase their's...they will come to ask me my advice and stuff...and when they do..I will give them my best...treat them and train them to not do the mistakes I did..and to do the things that I suppose to do...
Just something that I would like to achieve before I close my eyes for good...before I breathe my last breath...before I can't say any words at all...I really want to see that someday, my children's smile...and their laughter...that very special look on their face as if they are saying "I am proud of you..." Because that is the face I should have done to my dad...the one that he didn't really get the chance to see (because I keep on hiding it...) I wish that I've done that...and I'm really wish that he realize how proud I am for him...the things that he have done..the suffering and hardship...It does put a tears every time i think about it...

~A true man doesn't show his tears in front of their love ones...because if he did, then they will start to cry too...and of all the horrible things that he has seen, that is the only thing he wishes not too...~  

A Man With A Mission...!!!

Are You...?
For as long as I can remember, I always have this strong feeling that I meant to do something...not just for myself, but also to the good of others...but what is it? I just can't accept that my life is just for work my butt off and pay bills until I die..for me that is not even an option...none at all...!!! I was amaze that most of the people I know have that sort of thoughts which only think about their own selfishness and always ask "what can I benefit from this...?" every time anyone seek for their help...It makes me sad..because they always admire those people who succeed in life but never actually seek on the means of them getting there...
However, slowly I get the chance to understand them...I guess Allah want me to experience it for myself before I make those judgement onto them...clearly what they are fighting are not "selfishness" but rather "survival" for their own continuation...I guess the word "We maybe can't win today's battle, but we can always live to survive and fight another day..." does prolong this settlement...I just can't believe how stupid I am to ever think that only my "fight" are the truth...whereas the truth lies in many forms...even at it slowest peak...I'm just plain idiot...!!!
Every person have their own battle to fight..regardless whether it is for others, or just for themselves, fight is a fight...and no amount of denial can bring it down to its knees...but i guess for the rest, only those whom effected others significantly counts...and small justice is just not good enough...but seriously if you look closely, those small justice is what makes the world spinning...and the people at bay...not those big and majestic ones...but still, in the end...only that was counted...sad really...!!!!

A Fateful Meeting...!!!
I've happen to met with this strange "Englishmen" during my walking towards the car-park the other day...I found it strange  because he is quite "crazy" to be honest..by the looks of it...He keeps on mumbling all the time...doing this weird "movement" as if he is chanting for something...sometime he stare at the sky at nothing...and sometime he just make this hand "dancing-like" gesture and for a split second he just turn back to normal and resume walking...I was fascinated by his so-called "character, so give him this "stare" as if I wanted his attention...and fair enough, a few moment after I reach the car-park, that fellow followed me and give me a warm hello....I was stunned at that moment but I do keep my cool and answer him politely...suddenly he ask "can I have a look there at the main entrance gate...?"
For him wanted to seek my permission to look around at this restricted area nearby...so I reply "I'm sorry, but I'm not the authority to give you that permission sir..." He then said "Really? then what is your authority then...?" I replied "I'm no one sir...just nobody..." He said "What is your purpose in life...? What is the reason for you to be born...?" I just mumbling then without any clue on how to answer that question...I mean, I could answer his question with any sort of reply right? but for that very moment, I felt like my heart wanted me to answer his question honestly...but deep down I know that I don't have any answer for that..so I replied "I never ask that question to myself sir...so I don't know how to reply to it..." He then just give me a small but meaningful smile and then ask me to give me a reply when I ready with it...then he left...
Starting that moment, I kept asking myself "what is the purpose of me being born?" and it hunt me ever since...I mean, form religious perspective, it does make sense right? but specifically what are the things that I'm destined for? I simply don't know it yet...

My Mission...!!!
It's hard to determine that when your goal is to make things better for everyone, right? Nothing specific, but does it really need to be? Do I need to have a specific goal for that specific dream? Can't I just bluntly do good things and hope that my course of action will lead me to somewhere? or simply just keep on hoping for miracle....I guess as I'm getting older, the more question comes into the picture which need me to find it answer with full conscious..and not just throw some dart and hoping I get the "bull-eyes" anymore....It just won't work now...
I think It is wise for us to really carefully think about what we need to do...not just for a person, but also as a son...daughter...wife...husband...leaders...Ulama'...politicians...teachers...or whomever that we are...because someday we will be ask this question...maybe not from that "Englishmen" that I've met, but more or less by our children..or other people that depend on us to make that difference in life...and how would you response to that sort of question when you yourself did not have the answer...I'm grateful that I able to receive such blows at my early stage of my life, but what If the question only comes later (when I'm 50 or something) wouldn't it already been too late? Think about it...


      

The Third Wheel...!!!

The Zombie In Flesh...!!!
I guess most of us have been in this sort of situation right? when you really like someone, and you try hard as hell to win her/his heart, but in the end, he/she just went with someone else...and the silly part is, that person has done nothing to deserve her/his love....nothing...!!!!
Some people call it chemistry...some call it love at first sight...but how do you justify those whom struggling day and night to deserve those love from you? how would you compensate them? by saying hurtful stuff like "we can just be friends..." are you kidding me? Will you settle with that if you are in their shoes? certainly not wouldn't you? :-(
I know exactly how it feels...because I've been there a couples of times already...the feeling of not knowing where this relationship is going keeps on bugging you day and night...and consistently you keep asking yourself "What if...." is not a good thing...trust me...!!!
Sad...every time i think about the last time...when I was in that place where the sky seems dark and your emotions are not always neutral...the anger when she is being with other guys...every time she picks up a phone from that someone that you don't  know and laugh casually....when she constantly texting even when you are in front of her...it hurts...because then you know that you are not the one she looking forward to meet when you met...and you are not the person she eager to be with when you sits next too....but since you felt that your love is real...and you felt that when she is in a trouble she will realize that you are always be there when she needed you the most (like in the movies) you still be there...to comfort her when she felt like she needed someone...but in the end, she goes to another person which she think is her second best choice...and only then you realize that you have no chance from her long list of choices...I laughed more than I should inside when that happen...and you know what? It sucks....it really does...!!!

The Friend-zone Fright...!!!
Since I've been in those situation more than once, I decided to not make the first move to anyone...because my heart has suffered more than it should and someone need to compensate for it...someone that really deserve it...
I remember this one time when I'm at this party, and I've met this really cute girl...and from afar I try to see whether she comes with anyone (or partner) or not...when I notice that she comes there with her girlfriends, I felt relief and I start walking my way to meet her at close...suddenly she picks up her phone and start to smile and then she went to the corner to have that phone call...I just divert myself from her and go straight to elsewhere....I was like "that maybe he family....or maybe her boyfriend..." and this kind of feeling really hurt because you're not even at the introductory phase yet, but you seems to demotivated yourself and have this doubts all over your head....at least I don't see any rings on her finger...(but nowadays girl really like to wear rings...so it make me harder to determine it...) hahaha
I blame my personality for not being too easy going since the first time I've been in the train-wreck because if I did, I wont be as pathetic as I'm now...!!! Gosh...do anyone have drugs for this sort of stuff? Have anyone invented some sort of pills that could make you be brave and all casual when you are getting to know a girl? because I would really need to use some...

Hope It Will End Soon...!!!
Well, the third wheel is use to train you when you ride the bicycle for the first time right? So i guess someday I will be brave enough to pull off that third wheel and ride on only two wheels...just me and her...to somewhere new...somewhere only we know...without any of those additional or spare wheels holding us back...just swarm all over the places...feel the breeze...savor the moment..wont you agree?
There are saying that says, "We love the ones that hate us...hate the one that love us...leaves the one that stays...and stays with someone whom will leaves us...:" Ironic doesn't it?
The heart is really fascinating thing to explore...and I'm grateful actually for the pain I've suffered before because It has teaches me a lot of things that I wouldn't dream I knew if it weren't because of it...the pain is real, but it only makes me stronger...and wiser...just can't wait to be with that someone special...just imagine a world of fun when we are together someday...someday seems quite a long shot...but I'll take it :-)

The Lesson Learned From The Dining Table...!!!

Have You Ever Be At The Dining Table?
I'm not mentioning those everyday dining table that we use to dine...but more or less those dining hall which you have those full course meal...complete with a dedicated waiter or waitress...been greet with a big smile across the hall...been presented with a thick-but-thin menu...have a dress-codes before entering...been surrounded by many wealthy people that can afford to have this expensive experience on their daily basis...have you?
To have a single plate of meal that could cover up almost half of an ordinary person's paychecks...to sip a glass of red-wine that have a vintage for over a decade (which cost a fortune to get your hands onto)...to eat slowly, just so you could feel and experience every details of the taste of the plates...to have ethics for dine...to give tips upon paying...all of those irregular activities just so you can eat...have you?
Personally for me, eating is not the issue here at the dining table...more or less, the experience counts...the way you serve the cuisines...the type of food cooked...the selection of alcohol beverages...the brands that been served....the chef's reputations...the people that comes to dine there...this is the real deal of a dining table at one restaurant....not so much of the rest logical topics which "us" ordinary people been thinking...
I used to think that with that much money thrown could feed the whole village...the portion must be significantly huge...but i guess I was wrong..totally wrong...haha Because the portion presented are like those "canope" sized which i could easily finish it in one bite...which really not serving my needs for a barbarian-like eating cuisines....the ethics are one to die for (literally) hahaha the way you choose your spoons and forks...the sequences must be correct...if not the person next to you will be like "these people have not manner and knowledge at the dining table..." which could give me some stressful cliche'.

The Arrogant Province...!!!
I've been a part time waiter for some time now....and what I can experience during my serving are just rich with rich people arrogance and prideful needs...not many gives you a "humble" stare every time you take their order at their table...
"This is rubbish...", "Are you stupid...", and not to mention those long lingering stare of hatred as if you've "disgusts " them so badly....haha I was talking to my mind at one time "how on earth makes you this arrogant?" Is it because you have money? or is it because you are really particular about those small details which makes you felt that it does not worth your money? If you ask me, you should spend your money on other stuff instead of dining at this expensive places...would you agree?
I mean, most of my customer have a monthly salary that worth a year of ordinary working people...so just imagine the "characteristic richie rich" that I need to dealt with every single day....the tantrum are seriously terrifying....hahaha
But all in all, it was a good experience for me since I can get a chance to see how those "exclusive" type in action...not all are bad....some does give me a warm gesture...advice in life...some even trust me enough to tell their whole family tree and their life back at home (which I was really blessed to hear)...not to mention those whom give me "the look" since I address him as "Sir" instead of "Dato" or "Dato Sri"....you are always in my debt...literally...hahaha

I Want To Be There Someday...!!!
Despite of me spitting out anger and hatred to those rich people for their prideful gesture, I've instill a wish and notion within me that "I will be like them someday....I really want to..." Not as arrogant and bitchiness clogs, but to be able to experience the world at its best....to have the ability to afford anything...to go places...and experience everything that the world could offer...
Slowly those respect turns into a wishing flames...and hopefully this flames could burn my motivation continuously until the end...driving a Ferrari might not be a bad idea after all...would you agree? Hahahaha
But I promise to myself that If I ever able to reach those places...I will be hostile as I could be...because I know that if I don't, then I will only create another "me" in the future...don't get me wrong, i love myself...but to think that that person have to endure the pain that I felt...I'd rather let him be...and try to make his life as easy as it could...besides...his life is not stop at this platform only...because for me, this is just one of those transit point in life which I need to make before I could stretch my leg to another height...!!!

~Life goes on...life never dies...because human is just the thing that living the life...not the one whom create the life...~    

Footnotes To My Header...!!!

The Zig Zag Turnaround...!!!
People used to ask me "what you want to be when you grow up...?"...then the question got more specific as time goes by like "What you are doing right now...?" or "How many salary that you got...?"...i mean, since i was little, my family has given me the pleasure of "choosing" my own destiny...but as time crosses over, i can see that a lot of people are trying to influence my decision and wanna control my life....which is contradict with what I've been raised as...a lot of people with their own inhabitants and their problems tries to tell others "what to do" is quite funny (if you ask me)...because i know for the fact that all of us has our own issues to control...so it's better for us to focus on our own calamity instead of meddling with others affair...
Don't get me wrong...the reason of me writing this phrases is not because I despise them...looking at the bright side of this, those critics can be quite useful...if you know what to do with them of course... :-p Somehow, their existences has show me the way that I should look forward too...stuff like how you should behave...your cultural defects...and social traits can be easily highlighted once those people show you some eyebrows shades...haha
If you look at the fact that what you really want in life is not going to be such a good thing, then the next stage is to follow the other's steps...and usually it sucks because those bushes are flatten by those people that wanted to go to that direction, but once you follow their lead, the destination is not where you wanted yourself to be...what follows next are not happiness...but more like regrets and depressions...but life goes on...and you need to live with the path that you "decided" to choose...but for how long you wanted to keep on lying to yourself?

The Check And Balance...!!!
If you got a high-payed job, then you need to sacrifice your time and effort...but if you got a low basic salary, then you bargaining power is low as well which lessen your options in life...Some people want the best traits of both world...and it does not come easily...getting into business seems the only way out, but not many are willing to take the risk, plus the capital required are also hard to get...Getting a job which suited your preferences seems plausible, but how many actually have the opportunity to be in the lane which they wanted the most? Life does play tricks and it keeps on rolling the dice until you yourself decided to stop and stare at your own trails and say to yourself "this is going nowhere..."
Funny right? how you are told that life is full of wonders, but in the end, you are force to take the road that already taken and been praise by copying other people instead of being who you truly are...since i was a kid, my teacher told me that everyone is unique in their own way, but what she never tell me is that "people don't like other people that are different than them..." hence the race to be on top blinded many of us...in so many ways....sad isn't it?

The Lesson...!!!
Often people says that our young generation are the next to take over, and the truth is, will those veteran let us be? Words can easily compensate your judgment but often lies in the situation and reflection of the reaction towards anything that happen in front of us....the same goes to your surrounding and your judgment...i just hope that I can still be able to live in those fantasy world where good triumph and bad looses...everyone have enough to get by...no hunger or poverty...people always smile...and the happily ever after seems real enough to be trusted....
Choices is what we have...and its the only ticket that Allah gives as a blessing to us...so we need to cherish it and use it carefully...many will judge us...critically criticize us...but they will never able to cloud our decision if we do not let them to be inside our head...that's the reason I choose to stick with whatever strength that I have left to protect my salvation and faith...for my sake, and others that tag alongside with me...

~We are who we are...no one else similar to us...and us is not similar to them...~  

 

My Mom’s Chronicle: My Past Used To Be Simple…!!!

The Childhood…!!!

Days used to be simple…yes! We have less money back then, but the value were more compare to nowadays…we can buy a kilogram of fish with just five cents…and a complete meal with a cost of additional five more…my parents own a paddy field (everyone does)…and getting a bowl of rice is just a piece of cake…we got tons of rice for the whole village to feed...I still remember back in the days where the dry season is on, and the paddy field has ended (because the paddy only sprout once a year back then), we would build a small ranch nearby the paddy field and eat there….all of my siblings and nieces will bring their mom’s specialty and eat together there…sometimes my dad (my grandfather) would bring a cane and chase us all because we stay there too long and shout “have you forget the way back to your house…?” Hahaha

Every morning, we would get up as early as five in the morning and gathered at the well nearby…the water is cold as ice and it is pure and clean (which you can drink directly from the well itself)…If the drought season is around, the well would dried up, and everyone would go to the river-side and take a bath, clean our clothes, and play around…we were never scare during that time because almost all the river-side is packed with the villagers…and they are doing the same thing…

Your granddad is a policeman…and he is a well-respected person in the village (because people see policeman differently back in the days compare to nowadays)…and he got a handsome salary compare to other villagers (I think around RM 40 or so a month)…even though the value is not that much now, but back then, that figure can feed the whole family, plus he can still save half of them each month…

How I wish those time to never end…!!!

I’m A Little Bit Badass Myself…!!!

I must admit, I’m a little bit boyish back then…climbing trees…swimming in the river…collecting fruit in the jungle…were my pricks and parcel back then…even my brothers are not as active as me…I remember this one time when I was little, and I saw all my siblings and nieces were heavenly swimming at the river-side…for some reason I take my dad’s clothes and wear them (as If I were him)…and then I walk towards those pricks…suddenly one of them shout “Pak Hamid Dah mai Oiiii…Lariiii…!!!) hahaha All of them run like crazy and when they realize that I were the one whom act like my dad, they would chase me back (but no one dares to hit me…)hahaha

Going to school is more fun back then…even though the school is quite far, but we were happily walk there by ourselves…sometimes you granddad would sent us using his bicycle (this is considered as rich during those times)…and everyone would awe us…your aunt zaitun would sit at the front, your aunt zahara would sit at the back, and me would sit at the middle…we were like those circus clown on a bicycle…

Things That I’ve Learned…!!!

From this conversation with my mom, I’ve learned a lot about my family history…plus my dad’s…since both of my parent comes from a same clan (Both of my parents are from the “Wan” clan), means that their storyline is not that far off…I just realize that Wan Mat Saman is my ancestor…I mean, I only know him from the history book for digging a river across Kedah to enable everyone to stock their water drainage for agriculture purposes…I just know that Wan Sulaiman is my great grandfather (from my dad’s bloodline)…she told me that he is the first Kedah’s Mufti…and has serve the palace for quite some time…I just know that my great grandfather Wan An’ (from my Mom’s side) is a village chief during the Japanese raid in Malaya before the independence day…and my mom said that he is big…and his size is just like those Englishman that first came to our country…(big and tall)…haha

Hearing these story makes me feel glad that I’m a part of them…listening to my mom’s story make me realize how proud she is being one of the members too…those people has done a lot of good deeds and were praise by many during their time…so it occurs to me that I need to do something of my own to balance the trade J

Just Imagine that one fine day you are a nobody, but suddenly the next day people tell you this big and amazing tale of your bloodline which make you felt that “I need to be somebody too…” Haha I know that for some people this statement could be considered as a brag…(but that is what I was aiming too exactly)… but I don’t care…I want to brag…because at least once in my life, I have a chance too…

~My Family Are Awesome~

My Mom’s Chronicle: The Imperfect Perfection…!!!

The Build Up…!!!

I was back at my home town and were looking forward for a dine with my mom…she’s been waiting for me for quite some time now…I arrive quite early considering the traffic condition during this festive season…once arrive, my mom is not around (because she was out buying some groceries) and it left me with my aunt and my sister…we talk…have a laugh…then a few hours later my mom arrive home with groceries bag…I hug her…kiss her…and hug her again as if we were years apart…it was a bit emotional for me because I haven’t have the chance to hug her for quite a while…

We talk for hours at the dinner table…telling how much stuff has happen during this separation period and laugh about my mom’s teeth (she just pull off her front-end teeth which make her look older then she should have)…hahaha :-p From her eyes I can see that she’s really looking forward to see me…and for me, the things that I dream about is coming to live now…the conversation seems endless for some reasons…I think either both of us did not want the conversation to end since we know that it’s hardly to get a chance like this that often…

The Untold Love Stories…!!!

It started with my sister’s crush stories which lead to my mom’s love story with my dad…I don’t know how it started (because we are so occupied with my sister’s crush) but since the truth has come out, then we might as well just listen to what my moms’ wanted to say…

“He is not perfect….no one told me about his attitude…his bad habits…his gambling problem…no one did…but I accepted him because it was fated…” That is her first statement…and she further explain that during her younger days, life is just a wonderful feeling…she take care of her mom…her siblings…her nieces…even though the standard of living is not that permissive, but she’s glad that with all her limitations, she still be able to provide such a contribution towards her family…

“Being single is just heaven…I feel free up until the age of 27…I travel here and there…seeing the world…working…but everything must have some stopping point where I need to start to think about my future…as a wife….” Taking care of her nieces is not enough anymore, when she started to crave for her own children…and with some luck from my aunt’s, she has been married to my dad (through an arrange-marriage)…At first, she is reluctant to accept the offer since my dad is not as attractive as “Shah Rukh Khan” with his belly stuck out…and his skin is a bit dark…haha But considering her age and her lack in social life, she accepted the offer and embrace herself with any obstacle that comes into her life after the marriage…and it did happen…

She pointed out that her life is not as what she expected them to be, the countless debt is just a scary things to experience (which I did somehow experience this during my childhood days…It was awful)…but she keeps on setting her mind positive and always hope that there will be some miracle after all of this drought passes…the gambling issue is the result of his friends…he have some bad acquaintances during his time and it dragged up until his after-marriage life…and it is something that my mom need to bear until a certain period of time…plus his addiction to smoking is also something that could not been taken lightly since it has causes my family quite a debt (this is why I hate smokers)…

But I was happy when you (me) first come into the picture…then your sister…and then your youngest sister…it seems like the entire burden faded and life just got better afterwards….

Despite Of All The Bad Things, He Is A Good Person…!!!

“I always love him…until now…even though he is like that, but he never neglect his family…even though we are highly in debt, but we never felt hunger…not even a single time in our life….He is a good man…He is my husband…”  She quoted that he also suffers from depression…and his life is not what everyone sees…he struggling to provide for his family…day and night without complaining…even though the world is against him, but he still walk tall and work his butt off to ensure that all of us have enough food to eat…enough clothes to wear…and enough money to survive the day-to-day life…

Personally, my dad is my greatest enemy because he never change…he always say negative words to me despite all the effort….but on the other hand, he is my hero…because despite his health condition, and his limitations, he never give up…he always give me a chance to explore myself (even though in the end he will ratchet me with his negative encouragements)…and he is an ideal icon as a husband despite his smoking problems and gambling issues….He showed me what it’s like to be such a person and from there, he made me realize how important for a man to be a man of the family despite your condition…because whatever the things that you've done to yourself is yours’ to bear…but never put the baggage to those whom matters the most, because they worth more than that…

~I love you mom and dad…You’ll always be my inspiration…~

The New Beginning...Again...!!!

This is life...!!!
Whenever you felt down...scared...demotivated...relentless...always remember that you have a "choice" to make...and that choice can either save you...or destroys you...I believe that in life, exist a "refresh button" somewhere...and it's up to you whether you want to press it or not...a lot of people (especially those whom lived before me) said that you only have one decision in life, but i really beg the differ...why must you only scope yourself into one simple solution whilst the answer comes in many forms and sizes...? Creation of this figures might resulted one emotions to blend with the tide and only hopes that the odds are moving towards their direction...which is not entirely true the whole time...
For many times I think to myself that the world is more than what meet the eyes...but if the heart is blinded by the sorrowful facts of those shadows, then the naked eyes will never see the truth even if you beg for it...Is is sad to think that most of us is crying over something which is not matters and laugh at the things which did...in the end, the last laugh shall be on the lips of those whom "notice"...so which side are you on?


New Chapter In My Life...!!!
I have open up a new chapter in my book recently, and strive to seek for more challenges in the deep sea...even though the decision has come with a heavy heart, but there are times when you need to make such decision in life right? The mix feeling does have its turns...and to be honest, I do felt a little bit scared of this development...but if I stop and stare at the road taken, it seems that the journey has not diverted that much yet...but who know what will happen along the way...The jitters seems to give me goosebumps and the chills stops me to breath a couple of times...so i guess it is a sign that I have made one of those "big-life decision" which may effect my life in the long run...
Coming to the end is not what I was hoping for...and as I enter the next door, the breeze slowly capture my skins and the lovely sounds starts to go loud...but should I open it? If I did, Should I step in?

The Sirens Whisper...!!!
A lot of people do try to influence me to take a certain "precautions" and the vibes does felt deeper when the group are among your closest...however it seems that my heart already have made up his mind and guided me to take the canal rather than the those high-roads...why?
Why does my heart did not allow me to be like them? talk like them? think like them? this does horn me with doubts and clearly the answer is not going to be serve in a silver platen...but one thing for sure is that I never felt scared to go against the tide...it seems that my faith in myself does proven to built me a shield which strong enough to protect me when the situation demanded it the most...At least I'm not scared..not scared at all :-)

~The broth of success is a mix of multiple small achievements~ 

The Fateful Stranger Within...!!!

I'm Lost...Again...!!!
For some reason, i felt lost and hopeless again...being in the midst of transition does torn me up pretty badly this time...not just the normal ripping, but i think the damage has incurred more than what I've bargained for...all my juice simply dried up and my motivation has faded away...Gosh, what a tremendous figures to tell right? My life were a mess and the stress level has burst to the top of the roof...i just don't know what to do...and what to think...i just live my life...nothing more, and nothing less....
This is not what I wanted in life, and yet this is the only option that I have left...I envy those whom already in their comfort seats and living their dreams because that is the only thing that is missing inside me right now...crying helps sometimes, but it is just something that is not cool for someone at my age to carelessly do...plus telling stories to other also not getting me anywhere...at least to that special calmness place of my heart...Everyday is a nightmare...and I don't really know how many million times I kept telling myself those positive stuff, but it seems not gonna cut it this time...
What to expect...what to uphold...and how to react, is the pry of my mind currently, and thinking about my family and their hopes towards me add another extra weight into my baggage...and my luggage has become more that what i can carry...

Who Am I...?
I start to question back to myself of my self belief...and its relevant towards my predicament right now...and the answer comes close to nothing...it was like I'm a whole new person and the previous me just waived...without a trace...Tracking back of all those memories seems hard due to my lack of motivation, and it drives me crazy almost everyday...
"What do I really wanted in life..?" is what I kept on asking myself...nothing can compared to a soul with no direction...I felt like a ghost that wondering around without a clue...and no one is there to give the answer that I need...
I guess the impact has effected me more than I imagine..trust me, if you are playing with fire, you'll get burn...and in my case, the pain is just unbearable...

Respect To Those Survivors...!!!
I have found another respect to those people whom survive this transitions which I'm having a hard time dealing with right now

...It is not easy to deal with your predicament when the weight is put solely onto your shoulder without any damper...and the best part of it all is, due to your pride, sharing is not something that is in the picture...not even something to be discuss with...so you just keep everything inside and tell others what they wanted to hear instead of telling them the truth...
I just wish that this dry-season will be over soon because who knows what will happen next...I guess when it comes to your turn to take the weight onto your shoulder, your mouth suddenly shut off immediately because the pain is so unspeakable which no words can describe or calm you down...

The Lonely Shadow...!!!

Book One: The Day I Die


In the midst of darkness, you've been left alone...
Clinging to the soul whom bear you, but never once been cherish...
Deemed by the haunted pale faces of those whom look down...but never see you...as you...
Your heart is there...but not even once it beat to bits...never you felt like you are among them...
You try to smile...you try to laugh...but no one seems to care...no one is there...no one...
Suddenly tears starts to fall...but as it touches the ground, it disappear...as if it never shed...
I ask to myself "why?"...then the beholder of the bearer starts to speak....
"You are you...no one is you...and you are no one..."
I reply "If I am I, they are not me, and me are not them...then who exactly am I...?"
He says "You are you...."  and then it echoes to nothing...as the tears are pouring...as the heart starts to beating heavily...
Suddenly the sun rises...slowly but surely it filling all the edges of the room...
Without knowing, it strikes fear to you...you screams for help...you shout your lungs out...but no one seems to care...no one has...and no one will...
The heat then starts to give it away...you felt like this is the end...this is the end for everything...
Flashes of your miserable life starts to make their way...and it has been repeating like forever...
The day you are born...the day when you first know the world as it is...seems not that long...
The fears starts to raise itself...as the flashes started to grow...and the voices starts to echo...
"He who kneel to the sun, will find its way to the light...and he whom hide from it, shall never receive its blessing...
But...knowing the truth been told...you are still swirling in fears...fear of disheartening...fear of not existing...fear of loosing...fear of not knowing...
"How could this be...? am I going to disappear or am I going to live?"
As the light making its way towards you...you try to cling on something which you felt dearly with...
Your grip is as hard as the metal itself...and it hurts you...and it bleeds you...
You cling as if there is no tomorrow...like there will be no one else to save you...like there will not be any pieces of you left...
You closes your eyes...and ready to receive the blows...you felt weak...you felt scared...
Then flashes of the things you've done starts to appear...the do and don'ts which you neglect...and the things which you promised that are kept undone...
"How I wish I could turn back the time..." you said...If only I do this...and I do that...maybe this wont be happening to me...maybe I would die peacefully with no regrets...
But those happening seems too late now, as the light is in front of you...just inches away...and ready to consume your dark...and hollow figures to bits..
Your eyes is filled with the overwhelming shines of the light...the horizontal and vertical membranes of your seems to burst into a maze...
Knowing that this is the end...this is how I ended my life...This is how I die...

~To Be Continued~  

The Girl Conspiracy...!!!

Have You Ever Wonder...?
Why does every time when a sarcastic gesture towards the women's negative habit's has never be appose by them? I've been wondering about this for quite some times now and finally able to make a sarcastic conclusion about it...and you know what? It's sooooo well-planned by them....!!! haha Seriously I never thought of it up until recently and it has created a clearer understanding on women's protective layers which is vague for my "senses" before :-p
Maybe for girls, this is kinda provocative statement made by someone whom didn't actually have much connection with their "kind" but personally, I think that the more they understand what "guys" think about them, the more they can "adapt" or "accept" those skeptics (or the worst case scenarios, I'll be dead before dawn) haha
The realization that I've discover about women towards their acceptance of "women-sarcasm" are "women accept their sarcastic habits because it's benefited them in the long run..." How about that? any objection ladies? haha In contrast of the "guy's-bad traits" which up until now "we" are still defending ourselves from the "accusations" made by the ladies out there...because not only it kills our "mojo" but also it hurts our reputation indefinitely :-(
Stuff like "girls are so talkative...", "girls love shopping...", and "girls are emotionally unstable.." really gives them enough edge to stay one step ahead from "us" in the run for "superiority department"hot-seats :-p Because obviously, even though those statement sounded negative in terms, but no doubt that it gives undeniably advantage whilst making guys felt like they are facing against a "handicapped" opponent (metaphorically speaking) :-p

The Conspiracy...!!!
I don't actually blame them in this...i mean, if guys are built to be more protective towards their so-called "weaknesses" then this realization wont actually be happening for me...but to think that it has been a viral towards all the ladies out there which in the end resulted a psychological impact towards me and make me think that "ladies are so fragile" in the sense of "gender-rated" addendum are soooo wrong all this time :-(
Women are not weak...they are strong...maybe not physically (sometime there are ladies that can beat up guys...) and to think that they are easily worn out by the lads-pheromone is not in the picture nowadays....not any more :-p I think that nowadays guys are facing a more complex relationship then it was ten years ago...and to be able to step up and lead the relationship, "we" need to tackle more ground and covers our weaknesses more wider than before....it can't be just "great body" and "cash" anymore...haha (like I have those stuff to begin with...) :-p
But, if we see in the bigger picture than this, i really (and still) felt that those girls are having it good...i mean, positive as it seems, those "habits" are always been given away as an excuse fr the wrongdoings that they commit...you are really enjoying this aren't you ladies...? haha

The Tributes...!!!
In the end, it relates back towards guys inability to fulfill their duty as the man of the family (or relationship) and this puts a domino's effect towards those girl habits to push "us" towards the "spectator bench" and swirling around our pajamas whilst they take the lead and enjoying the "king's
Thrones"...how could this be happening? and how far that guys has fallen in the sense of finishing their responsibility? You can be the judge of your own traits my fellow lads :-(
For me, i think that guys nowadays a more attracted to "live the dream" and "be all rich and famous" rather than doing what they suppose to do in the first place...I do realize that having those "luxury" does improve your "self-esteem" as a guy...but i think that "we" are missing the real point in living...which is to serve our purpose of living...and carry on the traits of who we truly are...and that is to be "human" and its humanly traits...
Forget the swarming girls...forget those fancy cars...those bungalows...and those banks account...and look deep inside on the real thing that makes you human...because if you're willing to lower your collage of those so-called "dream" of yours, you will see that it will only pointing towards a few goals only..seek it, and only then you can see clearer on what you really want in life :-)

"We can only see what we wanted to see...and we can only hear what we wanted to hear...so if you wanted to see or hear something else, open up your eyes and ears more often...then only your heart can do its work..."

~by One_Love~

     

Creating A History of My Own...!!!

No One Deserves More Than I Do...!!!
I always belief in myself..always clings on the truth that happen in front of me...always find some goodness in every lies within me...seeing me enjoying the blessed life and pray for it to never end...and by giving all those thoughts, i can firmly state that "there is no one better to have myself's intention rather than myself..." won't you agree?
I mean, even though this statement is a little bit cliché in the sense of "bragging about yourself" but in my case...i beg the differ :-p All this time i always seek for others approvals and in the end making myself becoming further away from my own self..so where is the good in this?
The more i try to please people, the more I becoming this "person" which I don't even know him myself...He smiles like I do...he greets like I do...and he sounded like I do...but he is not me...!!! Somehow in this game of leveraging "what people's want" torn me apart from my own self...and making me lost in my own world :-( Who's to seek for help? is always the question mark....but truthfully the answer should lies within me...am I right? No amount of support can go through if you are individually blocked yourself from receiving any of them....Smiles does have a good way of covering your heart content...I don't actually believe it until I use it myself...but I guess it still shows :-(

Moving Ahead....!!!
Those people whom I admire always soar the sky with charisma, intellectual and poise...but I never actually ask myself "How much is their sacrifices taken in order for them to stand tall like that...?" They surely have problems of their own...and their life must be wracking by those bulls and horns of the public...judging and judging all their successes must be tiring...in this case, "pleasing" those voices seems appropriate...but for what cost? and for what benefits? I guess in the real world...the hardest things to do is not "trying" to be someone else...but more or less, it's harder to be "yourself"...I know that some people might say that when you've reach at some levels...or some positions in life, then you can mold whatever things according to what you want...hence you can finally be "you"...but the cycle continues to effect the others which trying to find themselves in the process too...so now you are the "bad guys"...haha :-p
Would I go that far in my own selfishness? would I kills someone else dreams just for the sake of mine? or would I just let go of the things which I dreamed for the sake of others? (but surely this will make me go back at the point where I please other people instead of mine...am I right?) So where is the justice in this? I guess this is what we call "Life"...it has never been equal to anyone...and those people whom triumph is actually the most "selfish" of them all...Should I be the same?

Clearer Vision...!!!
It seems that the more I ask this question, the more confuse I became...and the logic suddenly shifted towards the negative sides of the world...can you blame them (or more importantly, can you blame yourself...?) for all this wrongdoings? and selfishness? because this could be you...!!!
Since I was little, all the grown-ups seems to be talking about "searching for yourself" and now I think I know why...because people are different when you place them in one giant plastic box...am I right? They all wanted to stand out from the rest...thus the competition become fierce and brutal...this make me wish that I'd never wish myself to be a "grown-ups" so fast...because initially those wishes are meant for the "luxury" of decision makings...and money...but now those dreams has turned to an regretful nightmares...!!!
I never wanted to get involve in any of this...but I guess when the time comes, you need to step up and be a real man about it...facing this world of today's seems quite a challenge...especially when you are alone...yes! I do have family to cheer for whatever things that I've done...but If things went out of hand, then I would never wanted them to get involve or play any part of it...

"If I die and go to hell, let me be stay there alone...because one thing that makes me sad the most is seeing the ones that I care following my footsteps...If I meant to be in some other places which is good, then let my journey be a tale to tell...This is my journey...This is my story"  

by: One_Love

  

True Happiness...!!!

Is It For You Or Others...?
Have you ever wondering about it? I mean, have you ever ask yourself "why do I feel happy...?" and "Who makes me happy...?" It's odd to actually stating the fact that "I'm happy because of me..." or "I'm happy for myself..." is it? Usually we feel happy because of those "other" factor which makes us feel good about ourselves...admit it...you are happy for "someone" or "something" else....not because something that happen within you or towards you...It's the fact :-p The real reason of "us" feeling "happy" is because something had been done by someone else or happen to someone else...thus create a chain reaction towards your emotions deeply...I do believe that those reason is because you have some deep feeling towards that "someone"...or "something"...
My theory is that, when you see (or hear) news about that "someone" or "something", which positively triggers your inhibition, those tears will dried..and those smiles will shines...then your "true happiness" will emerge...this so-called "statement" might been put as "cliche'.." but to those whom always think that their "happiness" is based on their own "conquest", this would be something for you lot to be taken seriously....Such as myself, been wondering and searching for my own "little" happiness is somewhat ridiculous if I were to think that I would achieve it by myself...thus, seeing other's journey surely will get me to somewhere which I suppose ably belonged too :-)

How Do We Tell...?
That's is the real question that all of us need to discover...because for me, it has messed up my life for quite some times...the journey that I've taken so far seems so far away because I didn't have any clue of what I should be expecting...I always clinging on something which I see or hear from someone else...and in my own mischievous mind, those were regarded as "Happiness.." but is it true? Does those so-called "happiness" of them can be compare to what I should be getting? or mine is less? or more? how can I measure those?
Seeing people with kids...wife...family...is always be seen as what "we" should be getting...but in the end, how many of us is actually "happy" after getting there? There will always be a problem along the way...but does it solve your "doubts"? will it kills your lust for "more"? Will it stop you from going further? because if it is not, then it means that you are letting go of your "happiness" for someone else? am I right?

The Hole To Be Fill...!!!
Our heart will always have that "one spot" which seems loss or unfulfilled...and we will always searching for those "filler" to mount the gap...but in the end, we are created with a hole...which is destined to be fill only with the right "insert" which the reason of people like me are born...It's sad to be created different than others...but in the end, we are all the same...just the way we see things are different...
No matter how big or small your goals in life are...and no matter how high or low your expectation in life were...the journey only will lead us to one destination...fast or slow is the question...and it depends on you on how you judge those whom been left behind as when you pass them by...will you lend a hand? or just walk away...it's your choice...because in life, the choice that we made is the one whom determine the road we will take...and the people that we will meet...for me< my happiness lies in those road not taken...and I plan to search for it even if it takes me a thousand year :-)

~Please Wait For Me~

 
  

Selfie...The True Iconic Gesture Of Our generation...!!!

The Walk...!!!
Just the other day when i was chilling at this mall...my vision has been captivated by these "mock-building" of a China-town at the center of this place...and whilst i oozing around the view from far above, i see this groupies of girls taking photos which spout funny all over my face...So, i smile...then giggles...and afterwards i didn't realize that I've been laughing my ass off by seeing those girls...(i think one of those girls realize me doing that and tell her friends to stay away...) haha At first i was captivated because one of the girls looks really cute right? so i kept on staring at them...but i didn't realize that by observing them would open up another rationality inside my mind...which is a plus for me...(hence the giggles) :-p
The funny part of this story starts when one of the girls tried to take her picture by asking her friends to help with the camera (it's a smartphone actually)...and whilst she's getting ready, she strike this "Stiff-Pose" which hilariously funny...i think she want the picture to look "natural" but in the end, her awkwardness seems prevailing the idea...But there's more....!!! Then the girl tried to stand at this small stage settings which kinda at the center of the crowd...and she were there like five minutes trying to avoid any unwanted background which seems impossible when you are shooting at a public places right? So there are this "hand signals" which says "wait...wait..." followed by some head gestures of "nodding"...plus the "mime" which i don't think that anyone whose can do "lip-reading" can decipher....haha
Then comes a Chinese couple casually pulls out their phone and start to take a "we-fie"...which for me is the correct way to do it...because you are not suppose to care about what people thinks about your action in public right? people will always judge, so just do your thing and get on with life...haha :-p But i can see why those girls are so scared off...basically the way they take their selfie is by making this so called "cute faces" or "duck-faces" which for me is reallyyyyy funny....and one of the girl is holding her own camera and pose this "worried faces" which for me personally is kinda ridiculous (but still immensely funny)...I really have a good laugh that day...seriously I do...Thank you girls...you've made my day :-)

The Odd Feelings...!!!
I just never get it...why does people would want their picture to be like something else rather than capturing what they truly are? Some people that I've met even tried to take some extra miles to edit their photos which for me is bloody genius (i want to do it too...) Haha I mean, I always take a bad picture, but it doesn't compensate of what I would do if I want to see myself as a perfect being..right?
For me, if your picture make you look fat, then you should loose weight...not crop or spin the dice with the adobe Photoshop's settings...!!! If your picture made you look distress, then you'll need to go out and find something which will make your picture more cheerful the next time you take it...that's my logic...and i think it's a basic of all basics...some people want their fairy tale to live with less effort to be taken care off, which make you a "cheater" rather than living "honestly"...
They say that "a picture can tell a thousand words" right? So why would you go for those happy story only? because the negative ones need to be told too....only then you will have a "balance" life...don't you think? Aside from that, those people whom act "good" or "bad" whilst their picture taken is also falls under my "annoying" list :-p You want to know why? because you're a douche...!!!Pretending to give away donations....holding a baby...even those whom snap their own picture whilst reciting the Quran is also considered as a douche in my list (no disrespect intended)...I mean why? why would you take those picture? what's the logic behind it? to whom you want to show it too? and for what benefits? There are some people that I know that would ask someone else to snap his picture whilst he is praying which make him sooooooo freaking unbelievably douche bags of all time in my list...and it makes me sad...I really do :-(

It Used To Be Simple...!!! 
The old days, picture are taken in a group more often because we can't afford to buy extra "film-negatives"...and we were very careful of what we "snap" because of the limited opportunity...going to the Kodak's store and have the negatives processed already cost us weeks before we can enjoy the pleasure of "seeing" ourselves in those pictures...and guess what? we could not even imagine how the picture looks like until it has readied...sometimes its devastating when all the picture taken are blurred...and we would get mad at the one whom taken it...haha I miss the old days...what a journey it has been...and now, the scene has changed...and people would "snap" almost anything...and don't forget those social media which make this "sickness" spread like butter...hence comes the "selfie" culture...
Don't get me wrong...I have nothing against "selfie"...what I have a "thing" with..is the way "we" do it nowadays...and the intention of doing it pulls the trigger even more smoothly...I really hope that people would "snap" out of this and be who they are suppose to be...(and people keep bashing me and tell me that I'm living in a dream land...how about them?) Think about it will you?




  

The Chronology of "One_Love"...!!!

The Beginning...!!!
Well, i start off since i was 10 years old...i know that some of you might think that i'm telling a lie, but actually i'm not... :-p I used to pick up a use-up books (that still have some leftover pages) and draw anything that comes into my mind (usually cartoon character and such)...and trust me, my drawing is bad...haha I'm so bad, that if i draw a straight line using a ruler, it will still looks like crap :-p but i never actually see it...i don't know why....i kept on drawing and drawing...because it is something that i love...most of the time, my friend (which i hate the most because his drawing is so good) and I would compare our so-called "art"...and it turns out that mine were just an "F" addition...you know what additional is that? mine are the "FART" of his "ART"....haha
He can draw a pair of "eyes" and make it look sooooooo beautiful....but when I did it, it turn out like those Warner Bro's bunnies...yup!!! I suck at it :-p
I think around my "Standard six"period which I totally decided to stop...because the gap between me and that friend of mine is so huge, he been doing those "Murals" and "Portraits" whilst me still struggling on the combination of colors (I'm such a douche right?) - The funny part of this stage of my life is that, the reality just not as fun as what you'd pictured it inside your mind...I learned that even though you suck at something, there is no stopping unless you decided to do it on your own...and being able to stand side by side with that son-of-a-rotten-papaya is always a honor (but i forgot his name already...) :-p

The Mentor...!!!
My dad is always an inspiration when i started to do this gig...he is my "English" teacher...every single day he would torture me with verbs...vocabs...words...tenses...gosh, it was like he is trying to piss me off every time i tried to have a peace moment in front of the telly...he would question me those "lines" of the actors by simple said "what does it mean?" I hated it to bits...There were a lot of times where I'd raise my voice towards him and ask him to "shut up" - In reality, is not that cruel people...because even though I've "tell" him not to...he would just ignore my request, get mad at me for a couple of hours...and start back at point zero...it was like he never listens...I do regret those things that I've done since he is no longer here with me...but if i could change the time back, I would still do the same thing (I guess that is the only moment where I can actually have an actually son-to-dad-conversations...) So yeah...I would love to do it again all over...muahahaha :-p


The Writing...!!!
I still remember in my high school days, i would sit alone in the class room during recess period and write something up...i don't care whether it is a poem...stories...or lyrics...i just keep on writing like crazy....and this one time, one of my closest friend during those days realize what I do...and what he did is, he comes and approach me and said "what are you doing?" I replied "just some lyrics..." He looks kinda impress by it and started to ask me to sing my songs to him...because he wanted to hear...and of course I was shy right? and reluctant to do it...but he keep on insisting me to do so which finally made me give up and just went with it...and he was like "Gosh man...you should record this..." and all other complement...I was like blushing my way through that, and after that day, he would stay with me every now and then just to see how i write those songs...It was good at first...but after quite some times, it gets a little bit annoying...and i just stop to write songs...until recently of course :-) - The best part about this relationship is that, after that year has ended, me and him becomes "pen-pals" and we would write to each other every now and then...but it stops completely when i started to do my diploma :-(

The Music...!!!
It was an accident...I'm not lying when i say this...seriously :-p I met with this friend of mine when i started to stay in the school's hostel. We were really involve in "laziness" during that time :-p It was during SPM period and all the other students were like "study to death" right?....but for us "lazy-bunch"...books is the last thing we wanted to see before bedtime...haha So basically what we do is that, we would just play around during "Prep" time at night...just chilling...drooling...and many other crap-ish activities imaginable (we would also climb the school's water tank at night...)
But on this fateful night (which will change my life until today), this one good friend of mine started to brag about how awesome it is to learn how to play a guitar...and of course for "us"we would "awe" and inspired to do it...but in the end it was me and him whom genuinely stays...and that lesson didn't stops there too...because every now and then, when i have the time during weekends, i would go to his house and play guitar with him...(but he is really skillful which annoys me more...) haha
I don't have my own guitar during those days...so what I did was, I grab this "T-Ruler" which looks like a shape of a guitar "neck" and i would dry-strum it as if it produces a legit sound (it was so stupid...) but, that is how i start...so live with it :-p

Now...!!!
Well...I still living the dream...I not saying that i want to make it as a career indefinitely, but it won't hurt to think about it right? Right now I am writing a blog...which i would never imagine myself doing it (due to my laziness)...and i'm writing songs...which is cool if it was ten years back hahaha :-p
Slowly, but surely..I'm living my childhood dreams...I don't know how many years it will take...but for sure I'm happy with what I have right now...Alhamdulillah :-)