For some reason, i felt lost and hopeless again...being in the midst of transition does torn me up pretty badly this time...not just the normal ripping, but i think the damage has incurred more than what I've bargained for...all my juice simply dried up and my motivation has faded away...Gosh, what a tremendous figures to tell right? My life were a mess and the stress level has burst to the top of the roof...i just don't know what to do...and what to think...i just live my life...nothing more, and nothing less....
This is not what I wanted in life, and yet this is the only option that I have left...I envy those whom already in their comfort seats and living their dreams because that is the only thing that is missing inside me right now...crying helps sometimes, but it is just something that is not cool for someone at my age to carelessly do...plus telling stories to other also not getting me anywhere...at least to that special calmness place of my heart...Everyday is a nightmare...and I don't really know how many million times I kept telling myself those positive stuff, but it seems not gonna cut it this time...What to expect...what to uphold...and how to react, is the pry of my mind currently, and thinking about my family and their hopes towards me add another extra weight into my baggage...and my luggage has become more that what i can carry...
Who Am I...?
I start to question back to myself of my self belief...and its relevant towards my predicament right now...and the answer comes close to nothing...it was like I'm a whole new person and the previous me just waived...without a trace...Tracking back of all those memories seems hard due to my lack of motivation, and it drives me crazy almost everyday..."What do I really wanted in life..?" is what I kept on asking myself...nothing can compared to a soul with no direction...I felt like a ghost that wondering around without a clue...and no one is there to give the answer that I need...
I guess the impact has effected me more than I imagine..trust me, if you are playing with fire, you'll get burn...and in my case, the pain is just unbearable...
Respect To Those Survivors...!!!
I have found another respect to those people whom survive this transitions which I'm having a hard time dealing with right now
...It is not easy to deal with your predicament when the weight is put solely onto your shoulder without any damper...and the best part of it all is, due to your pride, sharing is not something that is in the picture...not even something to be discuss with...so you just keep everything inside and tell others what they wanted to hear instead of telling them the truth...I just wish that this dry-season will be over soon because who knows what will happen next...I guess when it comes to your turn to take the weight onto your shoulder, your mouth suddenly shut off immediately because the pain is so unspeakable which no words can describe or calm you down...
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