Getting Nearer To The Truth...!!!

Knowing About Myself...!!!

I want to be able to smile like this :-)

Since I started this crazy idea of publishing about the things that's going on inside my head, I somehow feel relief and getting all better... :-)
Even though there is a lot of other stuff that I wanted to tell the world...I must be certain that the world is ready for those things...
I know that I'm not someone important (let along a celebrity), but at least I wanted to be apart of those people whom have enough space to tell their stories....
I just wanted to be found and to be appreciated for once....

The World seems a Bit Different Now...!!!
I think I got a hang of how the world's work now a bit... :-p
Let along how they think...how they feel...and how they see other stuff that's happening around them...
My
conscious is getting wider and broader...my wisdom is getting merrier...and I think my self esteem is getting higher... :-) (you be the judge)
I guess..doing this activity somehow paid me off by giving me a certain necessities in which I really needed the most...

But There Is More To Discover...!!!

I need to dig more into my past...seek for the truth that hidden within me...and found back the person that I used to be...(sorry..because lately most of my post is about my past...)
I just feel that I have missed something before in which makes me who am i right now...Its not that I don't like the person that I am right now...It's just that I feel this "emptiness" inside which can't be cover by just any "normal" caps.... :-(

I Need To Be Ready...!!!
Entering a new chapter in my life did scared me a lot....being somebody to someone is not an easy task for me...
I don't want her to think that I'm not ready when I meet her...I just wanted her to know that when the time comes, I won't bring any "baggage" that could make her feel uncomfortable or insecure of the relationship...
I just want to be able to say "I'm Ready..."~at least to myself~ :-p

Adulthood Is Scary When You Are Alone...!!!

I need to be strong for my family...and I have to do this alone... :-(
Since I don't have any other options left (since my dad passed away), I need to take the "walk" on my own and seek for ways to better my family's life...bring back the proud and glory...put back the faith within myself...and other stuff that I have lost since I don't know when :-(


~I need to do this...I need to find myself...before she found me...because if she did it first...that person that she love is not the real me~  

Missing you

Title: Missing You

Verse 1
When I was waking up this morning...
Coz I can't fall asleep...
I see your face around the wall....
The rain outside didn't help to wash it all...

I don't know what to do...
don't know what to think ahead...
seing your shadows...
playing in the deem light...

Bridge
I want to feel your warm body...
But end up hugging myself up...
Coz I just want to know how its feel...
My mind keeps flashing back about the possibility....
When...

Chorus
You tell you love me ( I smiling right at you)
I tell  I love you (you smiling back at me)
We walk together (and have us a tea for two)
It can't be better than this...lets make the best of this...
Today....

Verse 2
Each time I miss your face...and can't control myself...
I'll look at the star and the moon....
Hope and wish to see you soon...
I  don't think I could hold it much longer...
and I missing you so...
never could imagine...It ties me to a heaven...

Repeat Bridge & Chorus till the end

~Missing You lyrics~


About the song:
Have you ever miss someone so much that in one point, it feels like its gonna kill you? This song is actually try to convey those feeling in which I once have....
The constant heartbeat which you suppress within yourself because there is nothing much you can do about it...(and it sucks) :-(
You feel like crying...and you keep on focusing your mind and soul towards that "someone"...and suddenly the world seem to stop for a while...
The time somehow seems slowly passing by...and you can hear your own heartbeat...
During those moment, you realize how important that "someone" in your life..and how miserable you are without that person....
It kind of reminding me of the time where I got rejected a few years back...and the awkwardness of your action plus the constant fear of "bumping" into her whilst going around the place that she used to go is driving me nuts...
But I miss her...I really do... :-( ~if only I'm not so lame back then~ :-p

I Miss the "miss" :-)
Only god knows how much I miss to "miss" that someone...I envy those whom has that someone special that they can "miss" so much :-)
Makes me wonder..out of all this time...could it be possible that someone is missing me too?
I wish I have that kind of a person in my life... :-p
  
    

 

The Stupidest Things I've Ever Done...!!!

There are a lot of them...!!!
During my childhood days, i reckon to be a bit "spoiled" and "stupid"....Always follow wherever new adventure leads me...and in the end, suffer the ineffable doom.... :-(
I was like those city kids whom has moved to the suburbs and experienced cultural shift...but i like it...hahaha :-p
"This is not the same from where I used to live..." I moan to myself...and during those "turning point" in my  life, I've discover that...when you're a city kid in the suburbs, your life "change" :-)
I think, that's the reason why...even though I have lived in many places around the country....staying in many different of houses...and meeting a lot of different types of people...I never feels alienated, because I have seen the "best and worst of both worlds" :-p
~black people don't scare me....~
Because I am some sort of a "hybrid", my mind work a little bit different than the other suburban's kids around the block...(they don't really like me that much) :-(
I laugh at their jokes, but they don't really get mine....
I joined their playground...but they seems to pick me last....(
I follow them catching fishes in the paddy field...but they have to do it for me (because I'm afraid of the leeches) :-p
So, you can see the irony of be friend-ed with "me" back then...haha
But, above all those differences in our life, they still wanted to hang out with me...because I somehow holds the title of a "spoiled city brat" :-p

Life Changes but I'm Not...!!! 
Even in the suburbs, I still wanted to have my "old-city life" back...I mean, the lifestyles is not really that much of a different during those days, but there is this inner voice inside of me that says "I'm better than anyone else in this village..." keeps on repeating itself and I guess my pride is acting all weird that time :-(
But, during those moment, I've realize that there is so many stupid things that I have done in which only a "hybrid" brat like me could do....self-proclaimed :-p

Praying for a Kamen Rider Car

Dammit...Why do i see this thing cool back then?

Since my primary school, I've always addicted to Kamen Rider series (well, who doesn't) and there is this one period in my life, that i would pray to God for this one special request...hence the "Kamen Rider Car" :-p
I would pray so hard...and if i remembered, I did shed a tears once...just hoping that God would listen to my pray and see my sincerity :-) Hahaha I am sooooo stupidddd :-p
But i never got it...Duhhhh :-p 


 Put A Cape Around My Neck Whilst Running

The feeling is undeniable :-p

Pretending that you are flying..when you're not is the greatest feeling of all time...running around as fast as you can, whilst making your "cape" to expand and flagged :-p
The idea is to make the cape flagged through the winds created whilst you're running and the higher the cape flagged, the louder the cheer needs to be....hahaha
I don't even remember how many times I've falls down and get myself hurt when doing it...but trust me, it is fun....!!!! :-p

Make A hellish Kite-Design
Have you ever play a kite before? If you do, you'll know that the most common design was those diamond shaped kite with some drawings on it....right?
Some kid did make it more extreme by adding those "cassettes taping nylon" to make the kites "sings" in the skies...its kind of fascinating to see how creative those suburbs kid are....
But for a proud brat like me, "loosing" is not an option...so, what i do is I do some writings and a bit of drawings on my kite (which I think is the coolest design of all time then) and like a stupid buffoon...I brag to all of my friend about how my kite will be the pretties in the sky that day...
What happen in the end was, those writing and drawing doesn't even give a slightest contribution towards the name "pretty" that day...because once the kite is airborne...you won't see a dam thing on your kite (especially the picture of me, my mom and my dad which i draw) hahaha :-p
I get a pretty good laugh from everyone that day..I'm so stupid....Right :-)

It is A Good Memory...!!!
I think I've been blessed from doing all those "stupid" things because in the end, it changes me bits by bits...
All of those stuff I've done (mention or not mentioned) sometimes marks my effort to adapt towards my surroundings...and it is not easy to just "change" in one night...right?
Both of my mom and dad keeps on telling me that "sometimes people appreciate those whom wanted to blend rather than those whose wanted to influence...so, be wise..." ~thanks mom and dad~ :-)
As far as I've known myself..I always thankful of the things that happen in my life..regardless of those thing which makes me feel good or bad...(we all have that...am I right?...)
but cherish them...for them are worthy to be cherish :-) respect them as for they are your teacher..and treasure them..because they are now a part of your life :-)
My action might be something stupid or careless back in the days..but I'm thankful to all those people who still believe in me even they know my weaknesses...and not taken it as a wall which separate us from finding each other...

~you'll never know a person until you know them..and you'll never change a person, until you change them...accept them of what they are, because that is what God has created them for...everyone is unique in their own way...don't justify them for their uniqueness...~  :-)



 
 

Why Do I Wear Glasses?

Do you even need to ask?
"Because I have problems with my vision...Duhhhhhh" :-p
But, to tell you the truth..there is a reason behind it (and it is stupid) :-p
I remember this one time when I was in my secondary school, and there were this new television series has come out on the screen....
Hence "Stargate SG-1"....have you seen it? :-p
I love that show so much by then, and I would try my hardest to not miss even a single show...and it is worth it :-)
All the character in that show was like super amazing..with their ray-gun, and their intergalactic democracy, and their connection with other life-forms at the other dimension...OMG..!!! I miss that show so much :-p
Then, the problem starts too kick in...
Do you know, that if you let a 10 years old kid to watch that kind of a show without any parents supervision at all...the result will be "me"..!! hahaha :-p


My Childish Act...!!!
I really into that show so much which i already consider myself as part of "The Team" of those "Stargaters" :-) and unlucky for me..during that time, the coolest member in that show was "Professor Daniel" played by Michael Shanks...and he is so cool :-p
His appearances is so skeptical with his intelligence to operate the gate...and knowing different types of alien languages...and not forgetting his "glasses" :-)
I wouldn't even start with his glasses..because in that show, those thing makes him "cool" and i love it :-p
So, guess what that i do guys?
Like a stupid brad, I try to ruin my own eyes just so that I could wear those glasses :-p
~Arghhh...i wish i could travel back the time and hit myself in the nuts~ :-p

How do I do it?
Well, never tell a 10 years old kids on "how watching too close to your television can make your eyes ruin..." because that brad will do it...(especially when he like Professor Daniel like I do) :-p
So, for almost all the time...I watch television program as close as a feet from the screen...and my mom was like "are you high?..." haha :-p
Unfortunately, my eyesight has never waver...(I think somehow it became more focused than before) and believe it or not...I practice that "suicide mission" for almost 3 month....I am so stupid..right?

When It Did Happen...!!!
It took almost three years after that stupid act of me to take its effect....and it was on the very critical stage of my life...(high school) :-(
Trust me..chicks don't want a nerd...and with those glasses...I think I may have became one...haha :-p
With my short hair (carefully combed in a side way manner) and the way I speak in front of the girl...Gosh...I'm so lame :-p hahaha

Lucky Me...!!!
At least my childhood icon is not some man in a rubber suit..running around half naked...but still have the daring decencies to save people...I mean, I respect him as a superheroes, but please wear some pants will you? :-p
I didn't mean that every superheroes in their underwear are bad...take Dean Cain for instance, he really makes me wanted to soar the skies...(but thank god he didn't show up earlier in my childhood dreams because I swear to god..I might jumps from the rooftop it he is.... :-p
Hahaha ~Lucky Me~ Right :-)

The Promise...!!!

How many promises have you kept?
Gosh...this topic really brings out memory of all the stuff I've said and done back in the days :-)
Saying those inspirational and truthful "promises" just to get by once in a while sometimes comes in handy...when you know how to use it :-p
From all the big and grand promises such as "what I'm gonna become when i grow up?" to those smaller ones like "i promise to give your notes back once i finish copy it..." make a huge difference to those whom receive it :-p
I remember this one time, when i borrow my friends book during "science lab" session and i promised him that I'll bring his book to tomorrow's session once I finish copy all his notes and exercises (what a lazy brad I am...right?) :-p
It turns out that somehow, I've misplace his book inside another subject's text book and didn't bring it to class the next day :-p and guess what? both of us get a punishment which up until now, when we talk about it..we laugh our ass out of it :-) ~he still not forgive me about that thing~ :-p sorry dude....

Is it bad to break a promise...?
Hmmm.....Girls usually would say something pretentious like "Of course...!!! If you do not mean it, why make it in the first place?...." :-p am i right? hahaha
Well, if you ask me, my answer would be "it depends" :-)
As I recall, I did break one too many promises to begin with :-( I know its bad...but sometimes things happen...
But, if occasionally done too many times, people will question your words and the result is not so great :-(
"Liar" is not a title that i want to engrave in my headstone (because its not rhyme well with my name...) :-p


Promise that can't be taken back...!!!
Do you have those? I have one...hahaha Unlucky me...right? :-p
Mine was a promise which I've made to my dad when he still....well...alive :-p and now since he passed away, i don't think "letting go" or "forget about it" is viable since he can't personally agree on that terms... :-(
I can't write what I promised in this column...but those whom known me personally would have a clue of what it is...since I constantly talk about it (as if it was my Idea) :-p
I don't plan on backing up on my words also because...when you have made something like that to someone that you've love and admire as a person...(and in my case, someone whom I will never be able to talk to again)...those promises has become the only things left that connects you and him... :-(
I feel that, every time when I've reach one step closer towards keeping those promise...I'd understand him more...and the reason of him being himself when he still alive...(because i never get him) :-p
Every time when I tell him about how hard it was to keep my promise...he would just smile and say "I'm happy for the things that you've done...I don't expect more...what I want is you to be happy..." but what he didn't know is that....his happiness is mine to be :-)
~I miss you dad...wish you were here...~

A "Promise" To All My Promises...!!!
I know I've been a bit soar about keeping all of you...I know my lips sometimes runs freely with words of you which most of the time I can't keep...I know I've letting a lot of people down when they expect me to deliver what I've said to them...I know that I sometimes being a jerk whom just walk away from keeping you when it is not in favor of me....I know that I've lost count on how many of you that I've given birth too without any intention to keep...I know all of that :-(
But, if you still remember me...still believe in me...still want me to keep you....please let me know..because I don't want to die in regrets...knowing that so many of you still run freely without a place called home...
If you just give me a chance..i'll prove it to you..that I'm not what I used to be...
~Insyallah~ :-)



 
     

Regrets...!!!!

I'm Full of it...!!!
Do you have one? have you ever have something that you wish you'd do..but in the end, you don't? and after quite sometime...you realize that not doing it is the greatest mistake you've ever done :-p
This enigma bugs me a lot...I have a lot of crazy ideas, dreams, and stuff that I should do in the past which I don't...and now I realize that I should have done it before...because the constant guilt hunts me till this very day and it is not pretty guys :-(

Neil Armstrong: "If you never try, you'll never know..."
I always admire those whom able to break the ice and came out from their closet...because it is not easy to do the stuff that you're not usually do :-(
The constant fear of people judging you...discriminate you...or maybe just laugh out loud at all of your effort may effect those interface and from where i standing, those people are just jealous of your confident rather than searching for your weaknesses.... :-)

Why Do I Keep On Trying? 
Do you even want to ask? I just want to live my life to the fullest....do the stuff that no one dares to do...and try to see how far i can go...
We all have limits, but get this....It is not permanent...!!!
Limit only applies for a certain period..when you grow stronger, your limit became wider and broader...its like a bubble...the harder you blow...the bigger it gets :-)
So try harder...!!!

Living On The Edge...!!!  
I don't understand why some people stop trying to "live" and just let all the "fun" slips away...I mean yes, marriage, kids, and work does play a huge impact on how your life would become in the future...but hey..!!! don't stop living.... :-p
I want to travel the world someday...going places is what I wanted....and I will try my hardest to stay all "dreamy" even when I get married and have kids...(I hope my future wife likes traveling) :-)
Work my ass off..get a promotion..learn new stuff...meet new people...try a lot of different food...do something daring and bold like sky-diving (OMG....!!! am I crazyyyyy....) :-p
I just wanted to be able to say to my kids someday that "I've done everything....see everything...feel almost everything...but there is no way that I'm gonna change those stuff for you...because the moment when I stop doing all of those crazy stuff is the moment when I have you..." :-)

So, No More Regrets...!!!
I don't want to grow old...and seat on a chair all day long..regretting those stuff that suppose ably I should have done..but i didn't...
I want to grow old...and seat on a chair..."smiling" all day long...remembering how crazy I was back in the days...and telling my epic tales to my grandsons...and not be all saggy and sad :-p
For me...life is priceless...so don't put a price on it...do what you want....as long as it makes you happy (and not bother anyone..of course)...
because you'll never know...when the time comes...you'll realize that there is no way that you can turn back the times....live in the moment...and the moment will free you from your regrets... :-)



   

By Your Side

Title: By Your Side

Verse 1
I won't go back...I won't go down again....
Coz I want to be by your side...I wanna be by your side (come on)
I won't let you go...won't let you walk away....
I want to be by your side...I wanna be by your side...
I know your feelings I do...
I want to be by your side...I wanna be by your side...
To the whole world I want to tell you...
I want to be by your side...I wanna be by your side...
I want to be breath again...
I want to be by your side...I wanna be by your side...
Of all the angel I've meet...
I want to be by your side...I wanna be by your side...

Bridge:
I know you are (angel to me)...

Chorus:
I know you are (you are the life)
I know you are (you are my life)
I know you are (you are my soul)
I know you are (you are my goal)
I know you are (you are my life)
I know you are (you are my mind)
I know you are (you are my heart)
I know you are (you are my love)
I know you are (you were my soul)
I know you are (you were my goal)
I know you are (you were my heart)
I know you are (I wanna be)
I know you are (you were my soul)
I know you are (you were my mind)
I know you are (you were my love)

Repeat: 
Verse + Chorus

~By Your Side Lyrics~

About the song:
Sometimes, i wrote songs about other peoples experience...for those whom ever have even a slightest hint of sharing their experience with me...this is for all of you.... :-)
Regardless whether it is love, family or friends...this song says its all :-p
The quote that i used in this song is actually represent what their heart tries to tell that other person...
Showing the real reason of them being together...sharing their life with someone...or just a simple "i love you" is captured during the making of this song...
I plainly leave it open so that more people could related with it and not just those whom are madly in love with someone... :-p
I hope it would suffice your feelings guys :-)

The Sponsor :-)
wow...where do I begin? There are so many people involves, but none of them even realize that there are... hahaha :-p
Some of the quotes comes from those whom I known way back in the days...and some were my current attendant :-) and trust me when i say this, we are all in this together :-p

The unwritten agenda...
I just wanted to highlight those whom really tries to be with someone in which they really care about...It is not easy to find someone that "special"...and now I know the reason why?
When you already known someone that close, it is hard to just "let go" and move away from them :-(
Sometimes, that person is meant for you but there is obstacle along the way that needed you to put faith on their hearts....or someone whom already been there for you for the good and worst but you didn't seems to be able to see it until the very end...
Blindness is a valid sickness in every heart...the cure? is just a plain simple "love" pills which requires you to consume every now and then...

~Love the way you speak my name..It makes me feel beautiful...~ by anonymous :-p

Mr Smiley :-)

Not what it seems...!!!

Morning view during my travel to Penang

Not everyone can decipher my "smiles" correctly accept "me" and "myself" :-p
I doubt there is no human being left that can do that besides my mom and my dad :-) because those whom being with you...is that much close to "knowing" you.... :-)
I know that everyone thinks that they know who am I judging by my attitudes...my appearances...and the way I "walk the talk"....honestly...you know nothing about me :-(
A lot of people might think that this statement is an act of me being a bit denial of any social interaction with others and afraid for people that "knows" me that much would have a huge chance to "hurt" me emotionally...well, i don't :-(
I just wanted people to know me..but how can I do that if they wont listen? I sometimes talk a lot, but i guess only some whom seems care about the stuff that come out from my mouth...sad isn't it :-(

So...I Smiles :-)

In a cable car, camewhoring :-p

Smiling is good...it makes you an approachable person, and lovable in any sense...haha :-p
Personally i found that smiles can be use for other purposes too...do you know?
For a "lunatic" person such as myself...i found that a "smile" can be use to hide your true feelings...either you are sad, mad, or depress....it all can stay hidden when you move those two end of your lips towards your ears in a horizontal direction... :-p
Human expression for me is a really powerful tool...wasn't it?

My Smiles :-)

The delicious Penang Cuisine Ever..!!!

I smiles a lot...but it didn't make me a happy person...always remember that...
I always see people like this; the person whom laugh the loudest, is the loneliest....people that cares about others the most, is the saddest...the people whom smiles the most, is the most damage of them all :-(
I mean, we think we know all of this person by their nature, but their true self is buried deep down inside their heart...where no normal person can touch, see, or feel...only those few whom their trust can enter and see how much damage has been made...and if you're among those trusted people, please make sure you do the right thing...will you?

Put Yourself In Their Shoes for A Moment...!!!

My partner in crime

Try to understand people more when you meet them...because you'll never know..it might be you in the other end...
Being judge is one thing..but being unknown is another thing to be concern off...People usually hate to be criticize and being misled...but what they most afraid off is being neglect and have no one cares for them :-(
That's the reason why, we all keep on searching for that one thing called "Love" :-)

My Dinner before heading back

Love really is a complete sentence in our life..it completes everything...!!!
It makes you care for the stuff that you'd never even think of caring...it makes you vulnerable just so that you can be that much of close to another person and not solely depend on yourself...It makes you have decencies to be apart of something else and let you see the world in a different angle...
 

  
My Wish...!!!
I just wish that i could not try so hard just to put up a smile...I envy those whom have a beautiful smiles..because it shows that they really have a fulfilling life behind them (even if that's not true) :-p
I have to bend over backwards just to smile in front of a crowd...stretch my lips from both ends just to say "I'm happy person" :-( but the truth prove otherwise....
What I'm looking forward is to say "Hey..!!! I'm smiling......" because only then i know...that my heart is actually trying to say that now "you are finally happy...." (*_^) 

 

Gone

Title: Gone

Verse 1
Late at night I see you...
You looked so pretty, like you've always do...
The moon shining bright tonight...
Showing all the beauty lies inside...
I want you and I...
I need you and...
Now you've gone....

Verse 2
Understand the meaning...
believing that somehow i used to know...
The way you move so tender...
Makes me glad that I was born a man...
I knew it somehow...I can't reach you...
But now you're gone...

Verse 3
Out of desperation, i hold to whatever that i can reach...
Believing that the sun will rise...
And holding to that thought,I keep on living...
But now..i can see..that clearly...
now you're gone...

(you'll understand)

Chorus
Love (you're leaving...why wont you come to me?)
Please come to me...now (Love please come to me)

~Gone Lyrics~

About the song:
Well, i must confess something about this song, Its actually about my first attempt to actually "confess" to a girl that "I like her".
It happens way back (i guess almost four years ago) :-p and guess what...I got rejected..!!! haha :-p
That is the only time i have a courage to stand up and says "I like you"... :-p
Not many people know about this (until today) and it's kind of a sad story for me back then.
It took me almost three years to recover and it change my perspective on "girls" for good :-(
"Me" back then is much much more worst then what i am right now (don't judge me)...
My shape is a figure of a watermelon and I smelled terrible (coz the only perfume that i know back then was baby powder poured at my fat belly melly and my wobbly armpit)~OMG~ hahaha
I would wear almost anything that i can grasp (luckily i don't own a sack) and my fashion is as good as a monkey in a birthday suits :-p
I don't blame her to reject me at that time (because I'm super lame back then) and I'm afraid that I can't give her what she deserves if we were actually together :-(
Like i said, I have a lot of flaw, and that is one of them (back then) :-p
If my memory serves me correctly, it was on this one party and all my friend present at that place...and as the lyrics mentioned, she looks really beautiful that night (owh...i forgot to mention, she's Chinese) :-p
When the night is getting darker, i ask her out and like a true gentlemen i said "can we talk?" :-p
She was like "yeah..." and we went outside...
What i didn't know is that, my friend already give her a hint about my feelings towards her earlier and I did text her a couple of pre-confession~i am such an idiot~ :-(
So, when we are alone, i tell her about those text...and how i feel~not jumping right into conclusion~
I was pretty sure that she will accept me (f.y.i. i bought this nice Ferrero Rocher specially wrap in a love theme wrapper...just in case)  because she is so caring...and friendly...and like an idiot, i accept those gesture as a "hint"...
It turns out, she just look away and reply "I will pretend that this conversation never happen..." and left :-(
I was shocked and stunt for like five minutes...the world suddenly stops and my hearing somehow focusing on my heartbeat which running faster than it was minutes ago :-/
Then, flashes of memory rushes through my head and all the memory of me and her suddenly seems darker :-( ~it did happen~
Just like that, i realize something...that things "end" :-(

I'm also a human being...!!!
Been treated like that makes me realize that all of us can be either somebody in someone else life or just a fragment of their memory...
But gosh...It takes me THREE years just to realize that and i feel like i became a bit phobic about "confessing" right now :-p

Promise to treat like I've never been treated...!!!
I make a vow years before that if someone confess to me, i wont be that much of a jerk to just "left" and make that person "stoned" her life's off :-(
It's cruel to do something like that even if you're not accepting him/her...just be sensible and appreciate their feelings...explain to them about your situation until they understand and be mature enough to thank them of their effort (it is not easy to pull off something like that) :-p ~kind of proud of myself back then~

The Song
Like I said, my music is my diary, and this proof to be one of them :-p I never mad at her for the things that she has done to me, in fact right now i understand more of the reason "why"?
I guess, maturity does play a major role in any relationships...some are good, and some are bad :-)
Its just Life :-)
  

The Happiest Day In My Life...!!!

Do I Have One...?

The best blueberry Tart I've ever tasted

Of course I do...everyone has it right? Either it is small or big...it doesn't matter because if that things make you happy...then it is worth to remember...
People say, that the happiest time in our life is when we were born....then when we meet our love ones...when we get married...and lastly when our child is born (the cycle continues) :-)
So, i must say that I've passed those period when i was born (of course)...and now, i'm seeking for that second happiness (meeting my love ones)....and believe me...even though I haven't met her yet (or more specific, she haven't reveal herself yet) :-p I already feel the chills and constantly visualize what's her look-a-like :-)
Marriage is the next big step in any relationships....and I don't know why, but lately, some of my friend keeps telling me their "Big News" and it makes my heart throbs in happiness and also sadness at the same time...
I mean...i happy for them....for what God has given them...but it makes me sad because when i see them making those big steps...I felt that my life is going nowhere since... :-(

What Did I Do...?

Me & My Friend Camwhoring before walking at the beach

Well, as for now...i just grasp any tiny puny little happiness that i can get just to get by...anything that can make me smile even for a second is sufficient enough (i don't think I'm entitle to ask for more) :-p
I try to make myself to be grateful and to be more appreciative towards anything that happened to me and not taking for granted for any deeds that I've done to others...
It's kind of sad when I think back at all those time when I just pools at someone else happiness rather than finding my own...but what can i possibly do...I just don't have that much of a courage to stand for what I want back then...~sigh~

Live Your Life To Be Happy...!!!

A snap before breakfast :-)

I want my own happiness to be real...not just some momentary gesture that passes by in an instant :-(
That's the reason I want everything to be meaningful...not just some hoax or lies...!!!
I want to be able to smile till the end of my life (wow...you are asking for the impossible now) and not cry my way through...~I had enough of that~ :-(
As if for now...I already experienced "heartbroken", "Loss of someone you've love", "poverty", "Idiocy", and many more....and from what I've lived through..i can tell that "when you're in vein, good people will come...when you're in pain, true friends will come...and when you're lonely, someone true will come...." but not all of them "stays"........

I Guess Happiness Are Meant To Be Just A Fragment Of your Memory...!!!

Sunrise at Kijal, Terengganu

People comes and people goes....People live and people dies....I guess it applies to everything, right? But it is up to you whether you want to engrave it in your memory or not and how you treat that memory as your treasure....
I'm glad for everything that happened in my life...and I always pray that anything that i do today will reflect what I will get for tomorrow...
Not all memory are good...mostly it marks the lowest point in your life...all your mistakes...all your regrets...but for me, those are my teachers....and (as an old sayings said) "respect your teacher because they give you direction in the dark...."
Just be happy for what you have now...and don't expect too much of the things that you don't have...because who knows...maybe those happiness that you seek...is just right under your nose all this time :-)