Me and My Family...!!!

The Chronology of my life...!!!
I still remember when the first song I've ever listens too was Michael Jackson's Doubled Platinum Cassettes (which my dad bought me...) and my favorite tracks is "You're Not Alone"
I could rewind that track (because it was a cassettes) for hundred of times a day just so that i can perfectly mimicking michael's voice and trademarks'....
I love his voice so much that i would constantly shut the door of my bedroom close so that i could do a little bit of "dancing" whilst singing it (never get a hang of it) :-p
My sis is ahead of me when she bought those Dangduts' greatest hits CD and constantly hit "Play" for almost everyday...(it really pisses me off that time)...
For me, it was the battle of "East and West" and I think i'm fighting a losing battle then...haha :-)
I hated those song so much that i would consider all Malay song is a s bad as those type of a songs (sorry for those whom like Dangduts') :-p
I guess that's the reason why i never listen to Malay song (until recently) (*-*)
~pfttt...my old "me"...right...~

My Sis...!!!

This two really make my life worth a while

I have two sister which i hate and loves...because they always drive me crazy with their impudence and childish act.... :-(
As the eldest in the runt...i always been taught how to "manage" those girls...and believe me... I'd rather have a calf tied to a cliff than having those two running around making my life miserable for the last two decades.....
But i guess, being a brother to a sister does have its moment...seeing them really makes me realize how soft and gentle girls are even though they try to act all tough and independent....

My Mom and Dads...!!!
My Dad is my Hero (yet..he's my public enemy number one...) I never get him up until now...He always stubborn...and secretive...and always try to make people think his own ways...Pftttt Dads...!!!!!!..am I right?
My mom is the closest of them all to me...because she is the only girl in my life that seems encouraging and supportive to everything that i do....
I remember this one time when I was a kid...and my dad use to say "Abah tak kisah kalau Baie dapat keputusan apa pon...janji Baie usaha..."~right before the result of UPSR is coming out....~ and when it did...my dad was like "haaaa...tu la....sebab apa tak baca buku banyak-banyak...? " and I was like Whaaaaaa....!!!!!

He always been like that...saying stuff which in the end..turns into something as opposite as what he says....and it bugs me every time he does that...there is this one point in my life which I decided that I will take all those compliment that I deserved from him and and make he acknowledge my success in which he can't take it back...but i guess i will never be able to do it anymore... :-(
Since he passed away...my life seems pointless somehow...because even though i hated that guy so much...it turns out that in reality...i love him the most... :-)
My mom is the backbone of the family since my dad fell through...she constantly working her ass off just to ensure that me and my sis's continue to move forward...
She is an incredible women..i ca tell you that...
I admire her as a son..and also i respect her as a women with responsibility...i mean, really....she knows whats' her duty right after my dad pass away...and not even a single time she "sigh" :-)
I love you mom... :-)

My family...!!!
When i see my family in this state...i can't be playful anymore because as for them...I'm their only "Man" in the family...
Which is suck..because i haven't even started having my life build up yet..but since everything is going the other way around...all those burden falls onto me.... :-(
I guess, I'm older than i think I am....and i suppose to be "wiser" than i should have had....
~this is where i suppose to say "I hate my dad for leaving us"...right..~ hahaha

Plan for me...???
I think God has already make plans to me in which the reason of my life to be like this...I know that my life isn't as bad as those whom didn't even have any support at all...or loss all of their family members in an accident...but i guess everyone have their own problem to solves...and for them..their problem is the worst of them all...hahaha :-p







         




 

Conversation...!!!

Title: Conversation

Chorus:
Hot...top...waiting back...
Breaking neck is all that lack...
compilation is denied...
conversation....

Verse 1:
Do you know something...
It was a great thing...
Been forgotten as one of the old things...
How do we react....nothing...
We just look back and give some snickering...

Mom and pops always say (look to left...and to the right)
When you step in...(there's no way to turn it back)
When there is a calamity (God please save us)
Away....(away)

Bridge:
In the big city (i never get enough, coz i really want to see it more...and i say)
In the big city (everything is hot, not to mention the price suck...now you say)
In the big city (your cries been heard...your heart been put...to the height you ever could)
And I'll come back to you again...
Tonight...

Verse II:
When there is nothing...there's always something...
Try to change the diaper...I beg the differ...
Wanna get away...when things get tough (I don't wanna go back)
I know your feel (but i don't know which side)
I know your goal (but i don't know which mine)
I don't know it....
we alike...you dislike...
on my own...and away....

About the song:
Well, as the title aforementioned, this song is about "conversation" literally. I wrote this when i pay a little visit at my friends' and afterward we have this walk in the city...(literally as mention in the song)
and i see a lot of people going on and on non-stop...rushing to somewhere...and buying stuff...eating at the park...laughing with their friends at a restaurant...and it  make me realize some familiarity among them...which is "they don't pay attention to the things that's happening around them" and only cares about the stuff concerning them :-(
This one time, there is this bro walk in a fast pace motion and suddenly bumped into this kids shoulders...and guess what...he didn't even have the decencies to apologies properly...(just smile and move on) i mean whaaaa...!!!

My realization...!!!
We need to communicate verbally....because only then, our true intention can be heard...and yes..!!! maybe (sometimes) it's enough to just read their body language or wrote them a letter...but will it be sufficient?
Just a simple "Hi" and "hello" is enough to start the conversation...some does it whilst smoking at the back alley with some strangers....why can't we?

The message...!!!
Read closely at the lyric and see what can you decipher from it..!!!
As far as i can remember, i love to watch people's behavior and most of them are involving the way they communicate with each other....
and from all of those observation, i can conclude that if you do not deliver it verbally...people will often miss-leaded and sometimes it can lead to a worst relationships scenario.... :-(

That happens to me...!!!
This is also one of the reason why i created this blog in the first place...i feel the need to communicate with others...try to explain who am I in a manner in which they can choose either to accept or neglect...
Yes...!!! this is not be done "verbally" but at least  its a start...right?
People often misled me as someone whom hard to be approach "thoroughly" through my character and attitude...(if you known me personally...then you'll think otherwise) :-p
I want to explain all of this to them...but as you can see...i have a lot of "explaining" to do since i have a lot of stuff been going on in my head right now (and i think no one will have interest of my sayings) haha :-p
I wish someone would just bear with me through all of this and just "try" to listen to what I'm trying to say..because if I kept on keeping all of this "stuff" inside my head...I'm afraid it will explode and turns me into a freaking zombie.... "ootaaakkkkkkkkkk...!!!! " hahaha :-p

        

Make It meaningful...!!!

  
Put more meaning into it...!!!

Even kids drawing have a meaning to themselves

People keep telling me that i need to stop thinking too much about "whats gonna happen" and start "do" those stuff that i need to do...(literally)
But i guess i can't unless i put some meaning into it...like i always does...!!! :-p
I admit that i kind of slow when it comes to relationship and stuff (let along marriage) :-p~btw, my mom is giving me "the look" now...~ hahaha
And my age is not really helping...because every time i check my identification card, the number keeps going further and further....(I'm scared) :-p
I remember this one guy that i meet at a "bus stand" a few years back...out of nowhere, he jumps right into a conversation with me and start talking some really personal stuff in which (if i was me) i wont even tell my mom about it...hahaha :-p ~i can't state the stuff that we talk coz most of it were guys stuff~if you know what i mean :-p
This is what i concern off lately...and hence my whole life...I'm afraid that i would do something in which have no meaning at all....
I didn't mean that those people (whom i assume) that do or does the stuff meaningless (in my sense) is doing it wrongly...i just think that they should put some weight into it...not just let it slide through :-( coz it will be pointless...right?

My dilemma...!!!
I've meet with a lot of people during my days...and most of them (let just say) are delinquent in which their brain is a size of a peanut and (i think) they use their "man-part" more frequently then they use their brain to think....~no offense guys~ :-p
But i guess, it's kind of a bless that I've been introduce to them because it has shown me what "meaning in life" is all about...
Trust me when i say this "there are a lot of freaks out there...that talks like us...eat likes us...but definitely not live like us..." :-( i pity them in the sense of lacking of common sense and their mutual interest in delinquencies...

I'm not perfect myself...!!!
Everyone has flaws right? same as me...right now I've been struggling with my own retribution in which my intervention has deluded my present from my past...I constantly trying to forget those bad things that ever happen to me and push myself way too hard to move on...(i feel sorry to myself) :-(
But, what is "perfection" to me? i acknowledge that "perfect" is overrated...but why do i still clinging towards it?
~not really ready to let go am I~ haha :-p

A promise to myself...!!!
I will try my hardest to make everything counts where it suppose to be counts...cherish what supposed to be cherish...and will not let any bouquet of stringent "Chinese democracy" to enter my private zone where my sanctuary lies....
I will put more meaning into my "sex-life" to begin with...because i have seen too much of those "honka honka" group plays with innocent heart with no intention whatsoever to hook-up with them :-( ~having two younger sister really make me sensitive about these things~
I will put more effort in "learning" what I've leaned because

those knowledge that I've receive is the only shield for me to go against the world in the future...
I will cherish my families and friends more because that is where my true happiness blossoms from...
~from all of these promises, you can see that I'm trying to set a meaning in my life...not just living it~

Don't Just live...!!!
Don't afraid to dream...because a person without a dream is not living his "dreams"...and if those dream do not scares you...means that the dream is not big enough...(so always dream big)...
I've done this countless time and trust me...we need to have something to look up for in life...because that is where our "true meaning" of living lies...

I am getting older...!!!

My age...!!!
Don't let me start on my age...coz it ain't gonna be pretty... :-) haha
"I'm old...my back started to hurt...it sucks..." :-p I wish i have more youth in me when i quote this phrase because i have to face the fact that I'll never gonna get back those time...huhu
I have so many things to do with so little time to spend...
God...i miss the time when the only thing i care about is how fun it was to running around the house and break stuff...
Physical is secondary to "Fun land" and waking up early in the morning is a terrible idea...(unless for watching Barney & Friends or Sesame Street)...
Do the "fountain of youth" still a myth...? coz i need it baddddd....haha :-p

The Boon and Bane of adulthood...!!!
I must say, being an adult is not so bad...(well minus the responsibility of course) :-(
I can do whatever that i want...eat what i want...spend onto whatever things that i want (if i have the money)...
I can speak whatever that i want...watch whatever that i want...and a lot more things to mention.... (*-*) :-p
But from all of those "freedom" so-called, i have a huge limit where i need to take responsible of all my actions (and it sucks) haha
NO breaking stuff which cost for nothing anymore...no eating free at the canteen or restaurant...no "happy meals" (coz it is so embarrassing to order one...) :-p
I'm stressed out sometimes because my good old days usually involve those...well..."era" :-)
 
NO wonder all the grown ups says "i miss my childhood" when they are old...!!!
I guess i'm among those people whom realize how great it was to be a kid...and regret all those time where i should be doing more when i've been doing less....
I should sleep more (coz it's so hard to get enough sleep nowadays...)
I should play more (coz it's hard to spend time on yourself anymore...)
I should make more friends (coz a good friend is so hard to find...)
but, i'm glad for all of those things that i do in my good old days...
you want to know why?
because if it weren't because of them...i wouldn't be "me" right now...
and i would not change it for the world... :-)

Happy Birthday...!!!

Happy Birthday...

(Verse 1)
Entertaining...I know all the way...
Sadness came true, but i know that it fades...
They call you lucky but i, know that you do...
(I know)...

(Verse 2)
People say that you're boring, but I don't think that you do...
Be brave darling, coz i know how do you do...
Let your fears away, I'm here for you...
This feeling never fades, coz...

(Chorus)
I love you (i know you know this)
I love you (fake feelings never sell)
I know that you know, you know that I know...
We'll always be together...
I love you and...
Happy Birthday to you...

~Happy Birthday Lyrics~


About the song:
This is the first song I've ever written in which I push myself to write, compose and record in just three (3) hours....(well, most of my song take almost about the same time-length) :-p
The reason of me starting this crazy hobby is because during that time, I've been listening to this Japanese female singer named "Yui" (she's good) and one of her song is entitled "Happy Birthday" :-)
At first I thought that It will be just like a normal happy birthday song like "happy birthday to you...happy birthday to you...happy birthday to ________....happy birthday to you....." :-p
The most that she can do maybe put a more harmonic background music for a change...(I'm such a naive person am I?) But what this girl do is that, she just create a new twist in which the song that used to be such a simple tone to be able to have a more deeper meaning inside the song itself...
Well, i don't know much until I see the translations (the song is written in Japanese) :-)
Then, "The Click Five" came out with their version of "Happy Birthday" in which have a more sense to me (because it's written in English)...

So, I was thinking...!!!
Can i do the same? can I have my own version of "Happy birthday"?
It's funny because just a few minutes later, I reach for my guitar, get my pens and paper and start composing.... :-)

What is it all about...?
Well, it's about a guy whom try to send a message to his girlfriend that she is so special...even though the  other people saw a lot of flaw and try to make the girls' life hard...
What this song try to emphasize is that how the guy see the girls' beauty in which others' didn't see and how the guy accepted the girls' weaknesses and try to make the girl feel secure of herself...
The guy keep telling the girl that no one knows her best like he does and how he and she would always be together regardless of the others' opinions...
Kind of lame right (me back then...) hahaha To be honest, I did watch a lot of love story during that time...so it does make it a more dramatic twist in the storyline... :-p

I wrote this almost three years ago, and i did upload it on my Facebook account and get a lot of credits from some of my friends...but i guess, no one knows the real story behind the songs up until now, right?
 
~Like I said, all my songs try to reflect my feelings...and this is just one of it...there's a lot more to come...~  

My Ideal Girl...!!!

From experience...!!!
I must say, from all the women that i have met so far...only a few that make the cut (not that I entitle to make the choice or anything) :-p
Some are funky, mature, smart, stylish, and oddly childish :-p To be honest, i did not have a specific preferences in a girl so far...
What that I've learn in girls is that they really wanted attention even though they say "no"and scarcely addicted to anonymous thing simultaneously...
Always be at the center of the crowd and likes greeting people...their eyes tend to lurks at the hunks and hulks in the party...and then acted like they didn't even "looking" (i must learn their tricks sometimes) :-p
Correct me if I'm wrong, but i did sense that girls usually assume that "us" guys will always make the first move :-) ~hmmmm...better think again~

Respective and Loyal...!!!
I always admire those girl that still hold on to their previous relationship which already ended...it's kind of reminding me of how loyal a girls can be towards their partner (but there is a  limit...always remember that) :-(
Some are so liberate in which there is not even a single boundary between her and the other man (not his partner)...just imagine the partner's feeling with that type of a girl....:-(
Some are so stringent, in which case, always ensure that everything is perfect...(I'm not a fan of these type)
So, what a girls attitude in a women's body which will transpire a heart of the likes of me? (Still figuring it out)...

The difference between a girl and a women...!!!  
From my point of a view, a girl is consider as sweet, funny, and dependent...whereas a women is consider as elegant, mature and responsible....
Not many whom able to transcend this element all together...but i did see some which did... :-)
I must confess that i kind of envy those guys whom being together with that type of a girl because for me, they are really being blessed with a gift that wonderful....i wish i have those :-p

My Ideal dream girl...!!!

I know I've been back and forth about the whole "my dream girl" theory...but get this, for me, the ideal partner for me is the one whom accept me of who I am, regardless of my weaknesses and flaws...because that's the first thing i would do to her...
Not just having me as a trophy which she would brag to her other girlfriend or being the statue which only exist as a filler in her empty spot :-(
When you accept someone in your life, cherish them, never let them feel insecure of the relationships, and further more, do not upset them due to your own congeniality-syndrome, because that person worth a lot more than what you give them :-)   

~respect if you want to be respected~
  
      

Me and Music...!!!!

My expression of life and everything around it...!!!

my old time favorite: Kenny G

I never actually good in expressing my own feelings...because most of the time, when i wanted to go a bit far (especially in front of a girl), i usually went saying the opposite or worst...awkward silence.... :-(
So, this is when "Music" came in to the rescue...i don't know how many of you do the things that I do...but i use music as my medium of me breaking the ice....or confessing my heart content...without being embarrass or sweating my nose whilst doing it :-p
I know that this is a lame excuse for a man....I'm not running away from doing what I'm suppose to do (duuuhhhhh) , It's just that I think I'm that kind of a person whom his heart is more sensitive than other people in which I need to slowly building up the mood and setting up the scene before actually "do it" :-)

My Melodic Diary...!!!

Ryan Cabrera

For those whom actually have been listening to one or two of my songs, you will found out that the words used in those songs are actually reflecting my thoughts, sadness, deepest regrets, hopes, and many more...
I use my music as a diary and its melody as the expression of my feeling during that time :-(
Most of them are sad and flat...because I'm kind of depress during that time...not that i wanted to be all chaotic or saggy :-(
I remember this one song entitle "My Song" which i wrote to honor my late father after he past away three years ago...i just felt so sad and I cried for quite sometimes....(don't tell my mom..she will be sad if she knows i do)...and my head is just all over the place...I'm not thinking straight all the time and suddenly the flashes of his words keeps coming back....!!! (how bout that...)
Those fatherly, warm, caring (but a bit proud and egoist) words from his living times keep on chanting as if he still here watching my every move...and reminding me of my place... :-( I miss him so much that i decided to wrote a song about him...(and his words)~i bet most of you think that the song is another love songs...right?...~ :-p

"when i was a little boy, i don't know what to say, don't know what to do, don't know what to think, don't know what everyone says....don't care where i put my mind, a dollar or a dime...coz i know each time i fall, you'll be there to held me on...i need you, i need you, by my side...just to give me strength, just to give me hope...coz I really need it all, like you used to do..."
~some of the lyrics from "My Song" ~

I'm not a singer...!!!
I receive a lot of complain about how my songs is so "flat", "plain", "not creative enough", "average", "don't have enough instruments", and many more :-/

My Iconic Boy Band up until now: Westlife

Well, here's the truth, I'm not a singer, I'm not a musician, and I'm not a composer (not a good one perhaps) :-p
I just want to let it all out...out so that everyone can see...and feel...and maybe understand the reason of me being "me" right now...
and hopefully someone whom has the same "chemistry" with me would figure who am I as a person...so, i don't really bother much about those people whom think either i can go far in the "Bizz" or "I need to train my vocal chords" :-p (btw, i appreciate all the complement and critics that i get so far...its kind of nice knowing that people actually care) :-)

Music is wonderful...!!!

Il Divo: Voice like an angel

I think whoever that have the same hearing as i am would consider the same idea...I "love" music...not just "liking" it....so my preferences in music maybe a bit higher than others (not to shabby) :-p
The reason maybe lies back to me needing music to communicate...I am just like those disadvantage group whom need a hearing devices, or mechanized legs, or maybe those electronic vocal chords...my heart just wont deliver as what it intended and I need music to help me :-( sad isn't it....



 

Culture Differences...!!! Is it contageous?~from movie perspectives~

Highlights...!!!!

Have you ever wonder why Korean's drama are so full of smiling people whereas Indian movies' are pack with sadness and cries?
I'm not a fan of these movies and drama's but sometimes i do enjoy watching it (not occasionally) :-p
Malay's movie is quite complicated (they try to make it complicated) by adding all of this emotions and conflicts (not really my thing) :-p
Indonesians' and Thais' are stuck with their "ghost" stories (as if their country is full of those things) and Singaporeans still making sitcom in studios and their drama seems a bit dull (i think they are improving now) :-)
Don't let me start on those Filipinos' because their story-line are still the same for the past 10 years (same with Indonesians' drama)...
Arabians' is among those which i don't even understand what they are trying to figure out (maybe due to language barrier and stuff)...Russian movie is always about teenagers conflicts (i don't know why) and war... (no surprise there...)
From all of this traits, you can see that most of these country try to brought up a trademark which (maybe) reflecting their country's enigmas', problems' or maybe pride and glory's :-p but does it effecting the other country that receive those inputs?

It does on me...!!!
For someone that (most of his time) sitting in front of his "magic box", learning other culture is somehow dull in the sense of the culture ingenuity itself. How am i suppose to clarify those things that i see? Is it real? Do Japan is full of monsters???? OMG...!!! :-p
Somehow, when we watch those pictures...we tend to "think" that we already know that particular part of the world and it's a greatest mistake when we approach them and say "hey nigga...! what's cookin homie...?"
~you can get kill~ haha :-)



Versatile & Traditional...!!!
I always have a favor towards those American's and Japanese movies and drama (with a good reasons)...because for me personally, they not only create those story-lines for the sake of sugar cult it, they also consider the social interaction and also some improvement in quality of life...
Take Japaneses' movie and drama for example, it's always full of good human morality and goodwill in a person...I did not mean that other country's didn't try to insert this element in their screen, but i am suggesting that only a few that actually highlighted it (and make it obvious)...


How does it relate with one cultures?
Well, to be honest, since I've learned other cultures through movies and dramas', it seems that their ways has effecting my thinking, verbals, styles, accents, perspectives, social interactions', and many more (as if i am not myself at all~let along a true Malaysians)...well, aren't we all the same (don't tipu lah...!!! )
My ways of living is my culture, and when it has been effected through this inputs, indirectly, it does effect my culture...and when i socialized, it will drag those people around me (if they accept) and this cycle will get bigger and bigger....(scary doesn't it) :-(

~better start choosing your viewings before actually clicking the remote buttons next time~  :-)
            

Do "Falls" in Love is the correct words?

I would never know?
I never been in any kind of relationship before :-( i know that somehow this is hard to accept (or believe) due to my age and everything...but for the love of God...it's the honest-to-God truth :-/
For me (all this time)...finding your soul-mate is inevitably equals to finding your "future-wife" so, it's not an easy task for me with all this expectation been put onto my shoulders and everything :-( I don't appreciate flinging')
So, do "Falls" in love really suits me? because as far as i know, I'm constantly running back and forth searching for "her" and there is not even a single sign that says "Please Jump Here...!!!" and hopefully you'll hit a "love" sign before reaching the ground :-p (because I'll take that risk if it was that easy I tell you)...

My Niece and Nephew weren't any help?
I would say I blame all of this at my niece and nephews...!!! because ironically speaking, most of them have a bad relationships experience and some of them even effect their studies and all... :-(
Why the hell am I been drag into this matter?
I constantly asked this question to myself :-/ It's practically their life, not mine...right? but all my relatives keep on reminding me of my responsibility as the eldest and only son in my family...and how i need to ensure that I brought back a nice gal into my family..."Baie kena tunjuk contoh kat adik-adik...Baie kan abang sulong..." is my uncles' speech every time he comes to visits.
I understand their intention, and i pray that I would meet their expectations too...but I'm tired of listening...tired of following...and only God know...I'm tired of trying to be the perfect son :-(

The experience is the greatest teachers of all...!!!
That's the reason I am an imitation of "Dumb and Dumber" for all this time...I don't have any teachings in this matter...I wish i excel in this subject of "finding your true love" because i think i already get an 'A' in my "How to be a perfect guy" subject (self-proclaimed) :-p

Girls Expectations...!!!

I wish i have that answer (so i could score this subject as well) :-p but i guess it will remain a mystery until I met with "her" :-)
I always imagine her to tell me stuff that only I can hear...teaches me how to love her...learn what she likes and dislikes...because the "Girl" that i want is the one whom teaches me all of this...and I want her to know that i did all of that is because of her :-) and not anyone else...
I can easily hear what girls' want in a guy from other girls (sisters, friends, nieces) but will it be the same with what she wants?

I Wish and I Hope...!!!

Wait for me

I use a lot of that phrase in this writings (if you noticed)...Why? because that is as far as i could go...as for now, I'm that kid whom look at the sky at night and pray to the "wishing star" to grant all my desire :-p
Sometimes I did wonder, if "she" also do the same :-)  


  

Walk The Talk...!!!

 

 I have a problem...!!!
Sometimes when i talk, i tend to exaggerating things a bit (way off the charts)...and i know people around me would most probably think that i am crazy or "all talk but no action" kind of a person :-p
Well, here's the truth...!!!
I "let" myself be that way because I feel the need to motivate myself in that manner :-)
You want to know why? because i found that only a few people in my life (accept my family) would actually find me "serious" about the things that I do :-/ The way i think maybe different than those people, but like everyone else...I want to be found for once :-( and the only way for me to achieve that goal is for me to be at a certain level where people can actually see me :-)
What i usually get is the usual crap which i sometimes think "offensive" and "De-motivated" (*-*)
Instead of a complement, i get a sarcasm...
Instead of a smile, i get a mocking...
Instead of a warm welcome, i get a rejection...
Instead of the truth, i get a lie...
For someone like me, moving forward is everything...because only then, i could forget those things would actually ever happened....i would consider myself as "opening a new leaf"...(only God know how many leaf i have opened) :-p

I am not a natural born leader...!!!
Most of the people find me intimidating due to my "character" and my ways of saying stuff...(almost as if i know everything right?)
The way i explain things really make people believe as if i put a lot of effort in those stuff :-p (It was a bluff)
I must say, experience does give me a lot of advantages in a certain situation and i thank Allah S.W.T for those bless of knowledge :-) but seriously guys, i just like everyone else...so don't think that i am way above all of you (i would also appreciate for you don't think me as the other way around)
But honestly speaking, i think the traits that segregating me from others are my willingness to make mistakes and not ashamed to have my countless time correcting it :-)
I have a theory...I believe that everyone can be a leader, but not many can actually admit that they did wrongs when they actually did it...for me, a strong leader is the one whom can actually say "sorry" when apologizing...and always be humble all the time :-)
"Perfect is overrated" remember?

I never have an easy life...!!!       
For those who think that i have my way "easy"...you better revise that statement again (please...) :-(
The reason of me being at the place i am right now is because i have a lot of credits to some of my friends whom believe in me and my journey... :-) they are the ones whom help me through my thick and thin...motivate me whenever i desperately need some guidance...offer a lot of encouragement emotionally and spiritually :-) Never tired of hearing me bragging about my dreams because for them, that is my "do'a" to myself...not something that provoke ill attentions...I would already lost my mind if it weren't because of those "few" people...

I need encouragement...!!!
I'm a weak person unlike what most of my friends thought i am (i appreciate their complement though...)
That's why i provoke myself in making me (and probably people around me) to believe that I can do more than what people sees' because that is the only way i could make myself to go beyond my capabilities :-(....and its hard as hell :-(
But what I'm trying to state here is that, I will do those stuff I've said I would...(at least try to do it) and not be those thugs that only "Talk big" but have no idea of what they want to do with those powers...!!! Words are powerful, why use it for lying...right? :-p

Noted....!!!

I always reply "noted" every time i understand something and the other person didn't have to go to a lot of trouble to explain the details (assuming i already know their intentions are)... Sometimes i wronged in the sense of interpreting their intention by reading the "signs" in a different manner :-p
But usually even though i mistook their inputs (body language, appearances, social interactions, etc) the outcome mostly as what i figured...so, i don't bother much about the "means" :-/

I understand, but do i accept?

An old lady once told me; "there is a huge difference between understanding and accepting" i mean really? during that time, i was green and the world seems so bright to live inn. I see a positiveness in every single details that this world has to offer (not a single negative bleachers crossed my mind), but as i grow matured, i constantly arguing the things that i see in front of me and saying stuff like "posers", "douche-bag", and "plastics"Why?
It seems that my "acceptances" level has became thinner day by day. "Compromise" is the words that notable as a "No No" in the sense of me being "Too nice" :-(
But i do "understand"...!!!
Maybe because i care so much about that persons' problems and situations that makes me acknowledge it as a valid point, but now i fear that those setbacks has backfired me from time to time :-(

People constantly seek for my understanding of their problems, but do they even try to understand mines'?   
This is a rough question (even for me) to answer myself. A friend of mine once told me that "we probably the last of our kind...!!!" i asked why? he replied "because when we hear others' problems, they would go all the way expressing their heart content, but when we seek for their hearings' they just left us stranded and not even care about ours'...."
I found that to be true...i mean, not all people like to hear about other peoples' problem right? but mannerly speaking, those people should do what is in need to level back with what that other person has given towards them (time, comfort and warmness)
I meet a lot of those people lately...and it makes me realize something, will they ever give me a chance like what i gave them? :-(