Me & Singing...!!!

It goes way back...!!!
I still remember those time where my sister and I were fighting over "who's can sing better..." :-) we would sing our favorite songs and decided among ourselves whether we are good enough to be a singer or not? but my lil sis always says that she is (but apparently she's not...) haha :-p

Michael Buble is my favorite english singer of all time

My late-father on the other hand were very inspirational...i mean...that old man can sing..!!! haha
I guess i pick up where he left it...and kept it to myself...he would sing songs from his "golden times" like Elvis Preisley's...Jonny Cash's...and Frank Sinatra's...and we were all like so impressed with his voice.... (but now it seems like his old cracked voice does serve him well when he sings those songs...) haha :-p
My mom is not much of a singer...but she does listens to my dad's every time he does it...either at the kicthen's...the living room's...or in bed...haha It was like and old records that never stops playing all over again and again :-) sometimes we even have to ask him to "stop singing..!!!!"
But now since his gone...i kinda miss his voice :-( i really do....!!!

My First Open Session...!!!
During my high-school's day, i always have this urge to sing in front of a large crowd...!!! gracefully showing off my vocal is what i was hoping for but i never could actually get the chance...!!! I mean, i have the will to do it, but it seems that every time i see a large crowds, i would get terrified and nervous for no reasons (even though when other people are performing...) haha :-)

Always admire Anuar Zain for his superb vocal control

So, when the time comes (my school suddenly hold this open session for all students) i just grab it without any holding back...i was like "this is it...!!! maybe this is my time to shine...) then i registered as a participant and wait for the day to arrive...but in the mean time, i was like trying so hard to fight this "butterflies" in my stomach...i do a lot of secret training in the shower (and my dorm-mate was like "he's crazy...") haha
When the day arrives, i'm so confident that i can woe the crowd with my so-called "beautiful" voice...i choose my all time favorite tracks which is the Westlife's greatest hits....and confidently stand on the stage...i can clearly see my teachers sitting down...and some clapping from those who knows me...not to mention those "hater" which never knew that i could "sing" :-p
So, when the tracks starts to play, i was like "this is it wan...this is what you always wanted..." and starts to sing...at the first two verse i think i did great...all the melody rhymes well...but when the chorus starts to kick in..my voice were like off the rails...and when i starts to put a high pitch tone, i can see the judges were like "covering their ears...and do this "i can't stand his voice-face expression"...haha and guess what...i lost :-(
Going back empty handed doesn't seems to bother me much..but having the idea that "I suck..." is the hardest part...

I Didn't Stop...I Never Stop...!!!

This new singer (Afgan) will be the next big thing

Up until now, those "first" always teaches me on how far that I've come and how long does the journey takes me...I can finally understand what people's see in "singing" and how the vocalic piece can actually impacted one soul...because it does impacted mine...and i'm pretty sure that the other also been effected for the same cause...
After that session ended...i did try to enter a couple of open mic session but it seems that fate doesn't wanted me to be in those event much...I did however try to apply for participation in this one national singing competition, but my dad didn't allow it...(i did sulk for a week because of what he did) but i guess in the end, i can't run away from it because now...i'm doing it...and i'm doing it in front of a quite a huge crowd like i always wanted...for me..its good enough to be thankful for...its worth every seconds of the waiting's...and it most definitely good enough for all those countless time standing in front of the television and admiring those singer that i admire...!!!
I am happy with this...I truly do...!!!

   

Please Be With Me...!!!

The Teh Tarik Break...!!!

A couple of days before, i just had an afternoon "teh tarik" break with my good friend...we just finish our class and suddenly the urge to have some time off appears...We had a laugh on how long it has been since we first enter the university...and how gruesome the "fight" to finish it...and when you've already at your final hurdle like mine...those memory become sweeter every minutes it passes away...haha
Well, we did enjoy those moment which i know that i will remembered it on the next ten of fifteen year later...
Even though it just a short four years of our meeting...but i think me and my other classmate has gain a more cherish-able moment then we think we have :-)
Being with all of them makes me realize how important friends is...and how lucky you are to have them besides you...i didn't mean that every road is smooth..we did accouter some hurdle along the way...but i guess we manage to overcome it one by one..."Rome isn't build in a day" right? haha  

The Advice...!!!
Some of my friend already married by this time around..and that somehow makes me be kind of jealous a bit by their so-called "achievement" in life...some appear to have saggy faces after the marriage..and some just give a plain "i don't care" facial expressions...i guess they have it either tough or just something so great to even be talking about when we are hanging out...haha but it does show on your faces tweerks... :-p
This one friend of mine (which also share the same face expression of a tired old grand dad) once give me an advice about "marriage" which make me thinking a lot about how it suppose to go about...
He says "Love is not the interpretation of "marriage"...its a commitment that you've made to that special someone in your life...marriage is just simply tying the knot..no more..or no less..."
He, (which already receive his first baby born almost two months ago) got a little bit tired from all this commitment thingy but doesn't seems to have even a slightest doubts of his decision on marrying someone so early...he said "god has given me His blessing to do this earlier than everybody else for a reason..." and trust me..he did stand on his ground when he say "I love her..." :-)

I Want That...!!!
Seeing him (which I've known before as a little bit of a playboy-reincarnation) make this oath on "commitment" does impact me in the sense of building my own...hearing him saying how those sleepless night and greens-get-burn doesn't even bother him really makes me wonder how much "loving" someone changes you in a way which you never imagine yourself to be...
"Yes...we fights...we argue...we dissatisfied with each other doings sometimes...but it doesn't mean that i hate her...its just a process of me knowing her...because when you married to someone...that persons "true color" will appear....it doesn't mean that they stop caring how you care about their attitudes or bad habits...it just simply means that they feel really comfortable being around you to the extend of being their true self is what's left to do...."
I guess that is love in its truest form for him...seeing his baby growing right in front of his eyes and watching over his wife smiles day by day is the greatest things that's ever happen to him...
I want that....i really do :-) 

    

Say Something...!!!

Before its too late...!!!
Some of us most probably experience something like this...those awful times when you've lost someone that you cherish and adore...someone whom means everything to you...someone whom you look up for the most...someone whom you want to impress...someone whom you want to spend the rest of your life together with....someone whom makes you feel alive...someone whom makes you see the world differently...someone whom gives you hopes and dreams...someone whom felt everything too you...those "someone" which you think will always stay forever in your life...but sadly disappear...maybe because of your own fault...or maybe its just fate...But those "someone" will always stay inside your heart...just to be love...and cherish..like how they suppose to be...before :-)
I have regrets...regrets that will never go away...simply because i want to forget about them...because deep down inside...i know that i should have done better...I should have said "I love you..." or "Please forgive me..." when i still have the chance...but now i guess its too late...

We don't know...!!!
Yes...!!! its a good argument to say "we'll never know what's gonna happen...." but will you take the risk? Will you let your time spend together fade away just because your negligence of putting those "someone" first on your list?
Be it, "secret admirer" whom often seeking for the right moment to tell that they like that "someone"....or "dying father" whom waiting for the right moment to tell his son how much he misses him...we will always wonder when will that "right moment" gonna come...right?
We are the ones whom suppose to create those "openings" instead of waiting for it...fate will decide but clearly the end prove to be determine by ones heart...not others...
If only I've been given a chance to turn back time...i would say that there is a bundle of things that i wanted to say too my dad...before he's gone...gone forever to the place where i can never reach him any more...or those times where my first "crush" is still around...i might get a second chance :-p
But what's the used of regretting the things in the past right? but i always wonder.."what if..."

The heart that listens...!!!
Have you ever feel something which you felt real but turns out to be just a dream? Someone that you like suddenly appears in your dream and it felt like it was "heaven" even just for a second.....and you've put all your hopes that the next time you met that person, she will act like those in your dream...!!!
Or maybe you felt that even for a glance from that person is enough to make your day? I have those things...and i wish that I've listen to my heart more closely when it says "that's her....go get her...." :-)
because if i did....maybe I wouldn't been wondering around like this...searching for something that has already been found....
I wish i could have said something then...it might change something...something that could mean everything to me....and now...I can only wish for it :-(


 

The Beauty Of Love...!!!

No boundaries...!!!
I've been walking at the street one day and suddenly i stumble into this weird looking couple...the girl is beautiful and her face is just so refine which makes me glance at her face a couple of times just to be "honest-to-god" calm...but when i look at her partner...it was like "what daaaa....." haha :-p
Just right afterwards that...the reality starts to open itself to me...my eyes just can't help to keep on searching for the truth...the truth about "love" in its own definition :-)
I can see that sometimes we are blinded by the ideas of a "happy" relationship must be based upon looks...and wealth...it sucks because i have been blinded by such predicament for quite a while since...and when i saw this couple having theirs easily...makes me feel kind of jealous a bit :-p haha
Fat girl with hunks guys...skinny women with handsome dudes...i mean, where are the boundaries that I've seen before? Are those just my imagination? or that is just what i wanted the most which suddenly turns into reality in my own imaginary world? The logic is still vague but i'll try to catch up :-)

The true face of L.O.V.E...!!!
Personally i think that the true face of love really stands on the emotional grounds....the way he or she talks, walks, smiles, or maybe even "eat" does impact your emotions straight to your heart....sometimes i wonder, what if someone as beautiful as "Julia Roberts" or "Jennifer Garner" walks through the door and says "will you be my boyfriend...?" will make me say "yes...!!!" :-/
Love suppose yo make you feel comfortable...safe...secure...warm...and happy...but what if you already reach to the point where you already have the "person" that you've "admire" besides you but didn't get those feelings that you're suppose to get? will you have second thoughts? I think that this is the stage where those so-called "jerks of a man..." or "bitch-by definitions" comes into the picture....
Those type of a person is the ones whom already feel the wrath of being in the wrong relationships...and when the times flows....the feeling becomes unbearable and it hurts more than being happy with that person...so, some tries to take an early exit by seeking for "options" or worst...commit the "white lies" paradigm just to "save" the relationship....but for me its more like lying to yourself...and the partner will feel the difference someday soon...

A happy relationship need to be worst...!!!
I often wonder why most people keep on repeating "if you never had a fight with your partner, then you're not in a relationship" i mean, why the bother if you are happy with someone which makes you have the urge to pick a fight when they are not suppose to be in the "option list" right?
But, their argument were always the same...when you fight, the true nature of your partner will reveal themselves...and you need to really understand them and make your own decision on how to manage them...because you will have them besides you for a long time...and the idea of revealing that much of your "true" self to another person means that person really feel comfortable with you...so you better not take it for granted and do what you're suppose to do :-)

Love Anatomy...!!!
I guess, in the end...love does not choose its own definition for a reason...it always make itself a puzzle which requires those soul that crave for it to seek it in its truest form....not blinded by the worlds chronology of "love" and not distracted by the temptations...always see the possibilities in the hardships because to build a strong relationship need both of heart combined...not one souls journey...or the attempt which doomed to fail...
Aren't love beautiful...? 
  

I'm Yours...!!!

Stop Searching for Options....!!!
I really don't get it....those whom i think already have a perfect life...have a good partner....clearly been blessed with a happy family, still have the decencies to look for other "enjoyment" besides what they already have...
Nevertheless, their argument were always be like "you're not good enough for me..." is somewhat disturbed me quite a bit...when you think that your life is all figured out, this type of a person comes inn and ruined it for you....hmmm
Being an "options" is really depressing for someone like me (especially)...because in this game of "who's more popular..." I'm the type of a guy whom didn't have any back up plans :-p Well, you can't blame me in this...for me, it is a courtesy of a "gentlemen" when approaching a potential "partner" to discard themselves from any unnecessary commitment...am I right?
I applause those whom have this so-called "back up plan" or "escape plan" before approaching a more pleasant partner because for me, they have the upper hand in saying stuff like "i don't really care much if you are not interested in me...because I have tons of guys swarming all over me...." haha :-p
But please be assure that guys really don't appreciate being another gateway for some other guys...so please be careful ladies :-/

Why accept them in the first place...?
I know that for most girl, they always feel insecure of the guys that they a currently with...maybe because some of them are hot-headed...or too stiff....or not romantic enough....but the real question here is, why do you accept them in the first place if you already know how they were before....? or maybe you already try to change them to suit your interest and it failed badly?....but isn't the key in a long lasting relationship is to accept their good and their bad...?
Not everyone are fortunate to find their "prince charming" that have everything that they desired in a man...but it doesn't mean that your life would never be like those "fairy tales"....isn't in every ending there are always a "happily ever after..."? why do you stop believing in those if you always looking for it in the first place?
Sometimes, those "happy ending" are not given easily...some fought for it...some die trying...and what makes you so sure that you deserve those "happiness" so easily?
Think about it....!!!




The Phase of Relationships...!!!
I have a theory....in any relationships, there are always this three phases which define whether you and your partner can last in your current relationship or not...and it goes something like this "in relationship, you meet, falls in love and get married, right?.....but in between those phases there are this stages which in lined with it....the first is "preparation" before you enter this game of "meet and greet" you must have a basic understanding of how "love" works.....secondly is "understanding" after you find your partner and able to gain their trust, you need to really understand their "likes and dislikes" and also know them inside out....thirdly is "sacrifices" when both of you decided to walk on each other path, you must make some sacrifices in order to meet each other expectations....you can't be your usual mode anymore...because now, the commitment falls onto both of your shoulders to raise your own family....
But sadly, not many have the time to really think about this stuff and always wait until the damage has been done before taking any action to prevent it...

#i guess i myself need to take my own advice this time...hehe :-p
    

The Difference In Gender...!!!!

The Jokes...!!!
Have you ever experience this awkward silence when you tell a joke (to a girl) that usually meant for us, guys..? Well, i did it a couple of times before realizing the fact that "girls" are not being in the same frame as us....and the funny things that went overboard afterwards are the wrinkle-wish expression made by them...and it sucks....haha

You are expecting this loud laughing plus additional clapping's that follows through...but instead you get this cricket sound that bother you to pits....haha you should have see those girls expression's...it was undoubtedly scares you...."did i do something wrong...?" suddenly appears in your thoughts right after they showed you those faces....I guess, there are some things that only meant for guys...which are never gonna be suitable for the opposite sex of ours....
But ironically, even though those so called "ladies" knows that those jokes of ours (guys) are not gonna please them as much...they still wanted to know about it...personally, i think that they are trying to spy on us more often then we think they were...because it was like they are trying to suck everything that we know and leave no trails of them....haha I guess it does goes both ways...don't you think?

The Emotional Fractions....!!!
Maybe a lot us already knows that girls are not capable of doing most of the stuff that us (guys) can do...but it doesn't mean that they are weak....trust me....they like us to think like that, but the truth unspoken is, they are actually have more stuff hidden under their sleeves than we think....haha :-p   
From what I've seen over these past years, girls tend to have more emotional-disturbance than us (men), but they able to cope with those phenomenon more efficiently than us...i mean, how on earth that they able to do so? Isn't their heart suppose to be super soft....and easily cry at almost every sad situations imaginable....right?
Not to mention their seductive measurement which count at 100% effective towards those desperate kind of men (such as myself) haha I think that they already know their capability of seducing men which are often work when they are in their desperate form...but those girl still maintain their composure and always seems able to put a smile in their faces more often than us...
Talking about who's having the upper hand is no longer valid guys...!!!

The Level of Thinking...!!!
I have a theory, in which i don't know whether it can be implemented in any situations or not...but i just bluntly share it with all of you...how about that...?
I think that the level of thinking which the human race obtain up until now works differently towards the difference in gender...how's that possible?
Well, if you look at men, the higher the level obtain by them always make them more "permissive" or "understanding" of the overall situations rather then those girls....
I reckon that the higher the thinking level of a girl, usually ended up making them more "aggressive" in having what they want...and this make them "harder" to negotiate with other people...
I know that i might get shot in the head after making such statement...but i think that we really need to uncover this enigma...(before I'm dead..of course...haha)

Solute To Those Patriots...!!!
I guess in the end...I still pledge my respect towards those girls...and for a good reason :-) Even though they are not really capable of doing the stuff that we did...but i can see that they are trying their best to at least be at par....(and sometimes goes ahead from the guys in some pointers...) Even though their physical is not as "build" as ours...but they still wanted to be besides us...cheering from the sides...and even though their are blessed with capability to absorb more information (through reading and stuff...) but when it comes to someone that they love...they willing to step down and humbly accept their responsibility as a housewife and taking care of chores and everything....
A lot of people like to play this gender issues to their benefit...but for me...I only seek for an answer which may lead me to better understanding myself and the people around me.... 

P/s: My mom is a girl...so i guess by appreciating those girl..will make me appreciate her more of the things that she has done for me.....Thank you mom...you are always be my number one in my heart....



   

The Idealist....!!!

Don't fix something that wasn't broken...!!!
Sometimes i feel that I've misjudge my own feelings...maybe the cause of its own salvation were not actually depending on how i found myself, but rather for me to make amends of the things that I've should've done in the past...i guess I am at the stage where I finally realize that the answer which drives me around this whirlwind were actually lies in front of me all this time...

"I should change..." is what lingering inside my head countless time....and to tell you the truth, it does drive me crazy sometimes :-p
Looking back at those memory of mine which been reveal from time to time makes me wonder, will this effort make any difference in my own world's domination? or this is just a waste of time which like most of the stupid things that I've done in the past, i guess this is the longest that I've held on too so far....haha
Frankly speaking, "i'm tired..." tired of guessing...tired of trying to uncover who am I...!!! The answer always be this vague apparition which comes and goes anytime that it wanted too :-(
Maybe i just imagining things that is not there in the first place....!!! But it does feel true...and real....
#not really in the mood for crazy talk...but the craziness does shows...haha

Did I think wrongly of myself...?
I tend to think that I've over exaggerating myself a bit :-p As far as i concern, I am not perfect...I'm not really this gusshie and musshie type of a person...I certainly not the romantic type...but why does this feelings of mine create this another person which totally different than who am i previously...? What does it tries to tell me? I really need an answer because people all around me are getting curious of the things that I've done so far...and that is not the attention that I seek when felling vulnerable....
Did all those road of mine which I've choose to believe so much of are just the apparent of me in a form of someone else? If it is...i guess I am crazy...!!!
Clinging onto some shadow of the underhand which makes me downgrade myself to this bitterness of my own self...and letting me drown in my own world which not precisely true....why do i did this things to myself...? why did I let it happen? Why I didn't stop it in the first place...?
Because if i just move on with my life, i won't have this awfully realization of my own self...I won't seek this person within me....and i most certainly won't chase this shadow of my so called "ideal girl" of mine....
Why can't i just follow the flow like everyone else...? why...?

The Great Story-Teller...!!!
I guess i'm more of a story teller than telling the truth....adding up a point or two "here and there" in between of my stories just to sugar cult it...make it good in sound...make it attractive enough for ones to read...in the end, I lost myself in this game which I created myself...and it lead me to nowhere....!!! Having people to read your story does has it perks...and having this kind of "open diary" was not always pleasant...at first you are trying to express yourself in the way that you wanted it to be...but suddenly you shift your preferences towards "how many people will ready my blog"...!!! I guess this popularity contest does make a torn out of me this time....
So i need to clearly set my intention from now on...in which to always be truthful in my writings....and always be lenient so that people can relate more towards theirs.....
I don't know why i feel like this so suddenly, but i think it does burden me with the responsibility of spreading my story more genuinely to all the people who read this blog....i just wanted to let all of them know that my intention are only to seek for self retribution and self belief...and by that oath, I hope that it will inspire people that have the same experience as me to stand tall in front of everyone and live their life as what god intended....