Sometimes i feel that I've misjudge my own feelings...maybe the cause of its own salvation were not actually depending on how i found myself, but rather for me to make amends of the things that I've should've done in the past...i guess I am at the stage where I finally realize that the answer which drives me around this whirlwind were actually lies in front of me all this time...
Looking back at those memory of mine which been reveal from time to time makes me wonder, will this effort make any difference in my own world's domination? or this is just a waste of time which like most of the stupid things that I've done in the past, i guess this is the longest that I've held on too so far....haha
Frankly speaking, "i'm tired..." tired of guessing...tired of trying to uncover who am I...!!! The answer always be this vague apparition which comes and goes anytime that it wanted too :-(
Maybe i just imagining things that is not there in the first place....!!! But it does feel true...and real....
#not really in the mood for crazy talk...but the craziness does shows...haha
Did I think wrongly of myself...?
I tend to think that I've over exaggerating myself a bit :-p As far as i concern, I am not perfect...I'm not really this gusshie and musshie type of a person...I certainly not the romantic type...but why does this feelings of mine create this another person which totally different than who am i previously...? What does it tries to tell me? I really need an answer because people all around me are getting curious of the things that I've done so far...and that is not the attention that I seek when felling vulnerable....
Did all those road of mine which I've choose to believe so much of are just the apparent of me in a form of someone else? If it is...i guess I am crazy...!!!Clinging onto some shadow of the underhand which makes me downgrade myself to this bitterness of my own self...and letting me drown in my own world which not precisely true....why do i did this things to myself...? why did I let it happen? Why I didn't stop it in the first place...?
Because if i just move on with my life, i won't have this awfully realization of my own self...I won't seek this person within me....and i most certainly won't chase this shadow of my so called "ideal girl" of mine....
Why can't i just follow the flow like everyone else...? why...?
The Great Story-Teller...!!!
I guess i'm more of a story teller than telling the truth....adding up a point or two "here and there" in between of my stories just to sugar cult it...make it good in sound...make it attractive enough for ones to read...in the end, I lost myself in this game which I created myself...and it lead me to nowhere....!!! Having people to read your story does has it perks...and having this kind of "open diary" was not always pleasant...at first you are trying to express yourself in the way that you wanted it to be...but suddenly you shift your preferences towards "how many people will ready my blog"...!!! I guess this popularity contest does make a torn out of me this time....
So i need to clearly set my intention from now on...in which to always be truthful in my writings....and always be lenient so that people can relate more towards theirs.....I don't know why i feel like this so suddenly, but i think it does burden me with the responsibility of spreading my story more genuinely to all the people who read this blog....i just wanted to let all of them know that my intention are only to seek for self retribution and self belief...and by that oath, I hope that it will inspire people that have the same experience as me to stand tall in front of everyone and live their life as what god intended....
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