The Inner Voice Is Calling...!!!

Silent but Deadly...!!!
Do you have an inner voice that keeps on telling you what to do...and what not too...? Well, i have it...and it sucks...!!! Its like having your mother stuck inside your head everyday...and she keeps on mumbling about the stuff that you need to do..what to wear...or just simply "when to wake up" :-p
I mean, it doesn't meant that i hate it that much...its just that, when the times come for you to wanted to be "free" from those "telling" from others...it just doesn't budge inn...and these voices always say the contrast of what you wanted to do...and it makes you hesitate..even for a glance, the uneasiness tormented your movement to bits....(seriously I don't like that pretty much...)
As far as i know...these so-called "inner voices" has stuck inside my head since god knows when...and up until now, both of "us" seems to not really be able to cooperate together that much to begin with... :-p
(sigh....!!!)

Truth or Dare...!!!
The most challenging games that I've ever played with myself is whether i want to tell myself the truth..or just simply dare myself to do stuff to compensate those telling...haha up until now i always choose "dare" because of my fear from myself on knowing the stuff that only my senses could feel (but not reach the brain to act yet...) haha  I always see myself as a two person combined....one is the "physical" which do the walking..talking...eating...(basically make myself present in this world....) and the other one is the "spiritual" which do all the thinking...feeling...(basically all the emotions and mushy stuff that human does...) and sometimes these two collide for special occasions which needed them to express themselves more enthusiastically....but that's the challenging part of it..."me" knows myself way too much....and it's always an awkward silence when it comes to "hiding" something from each of these two...!!! I know you might think that it is stupid to even "think" that you yourself can hide anything from "yourself"...but i guess that's the game that I've been playing with myself from time to time all this time...haha
~and guess what...? I always loose to myself...Duhhhh...~

Mr Heart and Mr Soul...!!!
These two big person in my life has never waver their deeds on me even when the tides is high...because every time the times get rough..they always be there for me...always tell me that everything gonna be okay...and keeps on giving me the support I need to stand up high in front of the crowd even to just say "Hi" or "Hello's" once in a while....I don't know when to begin when it comes to "thanking" them...and I don't know whether "thanking" is good enough to begin with....
I guess having you "yourself" as your own guardian is not that bad...i mean, there will be ups' and downs' sometimes...but the road is always open for you to go back to your innocence....i think, those "inner voices" of ours is just simple our past memory which we once experience...and it just replayed for the sake of letting us know that "we've done this before..and it's a bad idea to do it again..." :-)
So, having them inside is not really a total mess after all don't you think?


            
 

Lovey Dovey Is Humpty Dumpty...!!!

Weird isn't it...?
Love is something that's (for me) is fragile and easily hurt....it doesn't really matter whether by harsh words, or your action...it will create a scar that degrade the perspective towards you afterwards...in the end, what glued it back together is the trust build beforehand....
For the two "love birds" to be able to withstand all these boundaries in their relationships, they need to gain those trust as strong as possible on their pre-relationship status before taking the next big step...it is not easy when we are talking about letting your other half to "know" you that much..... (i guess that's the reason why most lovers tell their every doings to their partner....just to gain those trust...)
It is weird for a single person such as myself to interpret this much of knowledge about "relationship" when me myself didn't have it...(i sounded more like a theories right..?) haha :-p Despite all of those so-called "tormented soul" of mine...i think I've discover more about "love" than i used too....and I don't know whether i should be thankful of the "time" given for me to "think" about these stuff..or to just cry my heart out because I'm such a lame guy..!!! I guess it could only be decide when I meet with "her"....only she could approve of all my doings... :-)

Humpty Dumpty Sat On The Wall...Humpty Dumpty Had A Great Fall...!!!
Truthfully speaking, i think my so-called "emotions" is just like an egg shells....if its not handle carefully, it will crack to pieces...and it will take "forever" to heal...and those "wall" could be referred to as my "try-outs" which its certainty of becoming successful is like equally the same as failure...(but most of it are not pleasantly carried out when the times in need...)  and those "short" stopping were both memorable and hurtful at the same time....
And the act of "humpty Dumpty" which stubbornly goes up on those "wall" over and over again even though he's been "fall" so many times before could be referred to as my "stupidity" of falling for someone which will never have feelings towards me....
I guess, the similarity of me and humpty's is that we both are searching for something that have values in our lives more than anything else...for humpty's, his reasons are to see the view which said to be more beautiful than he's ever seen...so he climbs the tall wall even though he knows that he is incapable of doing so...but deep down inside..he knows that if he not doing so, he will regret it for the rest of his life... 
For me....well, i'm searching for the one that suppose to be "the one" for me and that's drive me to do all these "things" which I know that i couldn't do before these...sometimes it makes me wonder if it's worth the effort to sacrifice so much for someone that isn't even there....but deep down inside, i know that if i don't...I will regret it for the rest of my life...

In the end...!!!
Well, for my friends' Humpty Dumpty....he finally able to be on top of the wall...and the view could not be more better...I think he enjoy the scenery more than anyone else....even though for most people, the view that humpty's seen on those wall is not that great...but for him, it worth his life to begin with...and for sure he enjoy it to bits....
And for me...well, i'm not at the end of my search yet, so i can't even say whether i will be happy or not with the "ending"....but for sure i will cherish "her" more than anyone else..because she worth my life to begin with..and for sure in my eyes...she is the most perfect girl that i've ever see...and for that, I will keep on moving towards her...and pray for an happy ending for both of our life :-)    


 

Boyish Girlish Activist...!!!

Man are stupid...!!!
I think this are one of many words said by women every time when their expectation is not met (usually they blame it all to us men)...i mean, what are girls nowadays been thinking? haha :-)
Don't get me wrong ladies, i am not implying anything, its just that i feel kinda sad when most girl bluntly assume that all guys are stupid, dumb or worst...."not a ladies man..." :-( I mean, yes...!!! not all guys knows how to treat a lady as they suppose too...(no arguments there...) but always remember that out of those bundle of so-called "stupidity" lies someone that does...so look carefully before "assuming" as such....
Its funny to hear girls comment about guys that doesn't know how to take a "hint"....because as i recall, i do receive a lot of "hint" but i choose to not take it as a "sign" of communication...and i think i speak on behalf of most men such as myself that...we (guys) don't want to be such a clown every time a girl winked their eyes at us...or smiles politely when our eyes meet across the corner...because if we did that (on regular basis) we will be in trouble (literally).... :-p haha

Is it common...?
Maybe my statement here sounded more like I'm defending my gender (it does look like it...) but please look it on us "guys" perspective for a change...we do despise those "most men" addendum which give you (girls) reason to say "guys are stupid" but we also expect that you seek out for those whom aren't....
Some of us does tries to impress that special someone with everything that we've got...sacrifice our time and effort for the "love" that might not happen...stay up late at night thinking about her...care about her...sees if she could use a shoulder to cried onto...believe in her doings....cheer for her...and everything else...
But at the end...what we receive as credit were "all guys are the same...." haha :-p kinda bummer to receive such complement when the credits goes to other jerks.... :-(
I guess, if all girls think alike...then us men might have to just lay back and just do what everyone else are doing...that might make things easier with you girls agenda...will it? :-p

My Reason...!!!
Well, my personal reason on this topic might be "i want to protect my heart..." as you can see, i've been let down a couple of times...and most of those "times" correlated with me being "stupid" enough to fall so easily for those so-called "hint"...i admit that this might be a stupid things to hold grudges too, but at least this is the only things left that i can do to protect these "broken" part...
Maybe it would be much easier for me to just scorching for chicks bluntly without thinking...but i just think that if I do so, it won't be that much "special" when I meet with "her"...
In my mind, she will always be the one whom find me even when she's not looking...always held her hand for mine and smiles every time she sees me across the hall...always tell me that she loves me...and not afraid to let others know about it...that is the girl for me...the one whom "tells" that she wanted me..not those whom gives insignificant "hint" or 'sign"....

                                                                    


                                                                  ~Where are you....~       

The Art of War...!!!

Life is a war...!!!
Each and every second of our life is like a battlefield...you don't know which direction will the enemy emerge...and you don't know whether today is your last day or not...!!! Even there is no machinery and artillery were involves, but the cause are almost the same...
Human were meant to struggle in order to survive...even in the very beginning of our lives...since we were born..till the end of our time, those struggling never stops...not even for a little...
the fear of loosing the battle always triggers each and everyone of us to do more when the "next" arrives...and the cycle goes on and on....Some wins, and most of us loose...i guess that is the nature of our existences..we are all fighting to reach somewhere...somewhere in the middle...and that middle is going nowhere...in the end, those effort might seems hopeless because the truth always let you down...the hatred always worn you off...and the sadness always holds you back...sad isn't it? :-(

The Virtue of Winning the Battle...!!!
Most of us seems happy just to taste the very tip of those so-called "victory"...but what does it holds to in the sense of your own salvation? Correct me if I'm wrong, but those countless victory that you and I gained is not really meant for ourselves...even the "hot seats" are singles...but the chain runs through miles apart...we don't win for ourselves...we win for others....always remember that...!!!
Personally, it sadden me to see most of us cries over a defeat...and some cheer for the lost of others...but what those people don't see is that they are killing each other...friends, relatives, even their love ones just for the sake of having those "small but meaningful" victory...and for what reason?
Fame and glory is one of it (most definitely) but does it really bring much of a happiness to you? not to mention those people whom followed you in the very beginning of your existences as a "dictator".....
What does this victory meant for them? What ground does it holds you to follow such leader? It is a puzzle that oneself can define...and those descriptive measurement only can determine the level of your "trust"...but not reasoning....better remember that...!!! :-(

The Real Art of War...!!!
I guess, when it comes to the real war...or just those "war" that you fight in your everyday life...it need to have some valid truth about the reason of you doing it....many have fallen for the wrong reasons...not to mention many have won for the wrong reasons...and this what makes the essence of our lives seems not moving towards the "right" direction in the first place...living or dying is not the issue when it comes to the virtue of your own salvation...but the question lies in the meaning of your sacrifice in believing that those effort that you make will make you going somewhere..have a daring gesture of marching towards the war zone is plausible...but if you have even a slightest "hesitation" will make a difference...a difference on whether you will succeed with the real war..or just loose the chance for those whom have better reasons too...
There are many reason for fighting the war..just make sure that yours are better.... :-)


                                                          ~That is the real Art of War~

The Cost Of Life...!!!

How much is it...?

Honestly, people keep on juggling back and forth with this matter...some claims that their live is worth much more than others...and some willing to give it all just to have others to begin theirs...what an odd spectrum wasn't it? Believe it or not, but most of us seems to neglect the value of our own live which matter the most...because if you have time to console it to others, then you better think on how it would repent towards yours...
It sad sometimes thinking about this plague of ours which seems to let our own self to destroy the very nature of our own existences by inheriting this negative posture of our own sarcasm...your life is worth more than you think they are...so be  gentle with it...

How cool was it to have priceless tag on our own self to begin with...!!!    
As far as I've known myself, God has given me something which is inseparable but yet unworthy of me to have in the very beginning of my existence..which is "myself"....i don't have to prove much in order for me to have "it" but yet it gives me a lot of openings and wonderment that i could never seek for more...but still i think i take it for granted countless time and keep making as if I deserve it rather than I receive it...
Bold and inhabitant is what I stood by towards this predicament but i don't think I am much of a warrior in either determine the fate of my own salvation or less..my own downturn.... :-(

The Dedication...!!!
Well, the reason for this short but meaningful writings is to be as a remembrance to my beloved friends brother which lost his life during an accident recently...and this make me realize how important life is towards yourself...not to mention, others that feel the presence of our life in theirs...
Hopefully, by adding up this point in my life..I could gain more for others...and those whom take pertinent concern on this matter...

~May your soul rest in peace and blessed by Him...Only through Him we're all created, and only through Him we we're send back...~   Insyallah...amen :-)

Time Heals Everything...!!!

Is it true...?
Well, judging by my own experience...its either can be true or false...not that "it" applies to everything, but it seems that these matter depends on how you make the difference yourself :-(
Try putting yourself in a situation where you feel mad, or sad about something and it drains your emotion to bits...and the only thing left for you to do is to just hope that when the time flies, those sorrowful thing will fade away...but later you discover that it is not happening...and you still feel those emotions lingering inside your head...why?
From what I've experienced, those stuff is still wondering inside your mind because you yourself failed to let it go...time does play its role by giving you some personal space to "let go" but if you're not...then it just seems useless to even clinch to "time" in the first place...

My Bad Experience...!!!
Girls...!!! what do you expect...? Haha :-p i don't know why, but it seems that my luck with girls is just unimaginably the worst part of my traits...
Even though I never have a formal relationship with any girls yet, but I must admit that "I've tried" couples of times before saying this devastating statement of myself :-(
I just don't get them...(i can tell you that...) but thanks to them, I've learned something that I wouldn't have if It weren't because of me "trying" to woe them in the first place...and it makes me feel confident the next "try-out" came into the picture :-p
But, even though the "next" is always right at the next door...but it seems those "past" still hunts me down and it just won't leave me soundly... :-(
I mean, i know that I suppose to let go...but it just not easy as "forgetting" if you know what i mean...
"I like them for a reason..." is what lingers inside my head all the time...and "what if" has always been the question marks that's playing over and over again...and it's not pleasant guys :-( if you've experience the same thing...you would understand...

Mr. Time...!!!
Me and mr. time goes way back since my first attempt (read the previous post for more detail) and up until now, he has serves me well by giving me an ample time for myself to "forget"...but i guess when the moment seems right, those memory just rushes inn and drown me again and again...I hate that pretty much :-(
"The next one is the one..." is what i kept saying to myself every time my attempt fails but it just get me nowhere...I blame everything to myself and the reason of me not able to forget is because i keep on having some sort of faith that someday, those girl will realize that I'm the one for them....but i guess it just prove how an idiot i am to myself :-(
Even though Mr. Time has done a lot to help me throughout this past years...but it won't do much until I prove to him that I willingly taking the next bold step to just "erase" those memory out of my head...
                                     

    ~"Time will heal..." but only to those whom let it too....~

 
 

A Tale About A Man Who's Dreaming About A Girl...!!!

Once upon a time,
In a castle, far far away live a beautiful princess named "Heather" and her kingdom spreads to countless miles across the land and the sea. The King of that land was "Richard" and his queen were long gone after she has given birth to Heather almost twenty years ago.
The Kingdom was so peaceful and the commoner were living in prosperity without any fear of going into a war by the great ruling of Richard...he was the greatest ruler by that time...
The country's fame and fortune spreads onto the winds of sounds and the words seems to be heard by every ears of other countrymen across the kingdom...
Heather's beauty is said to be so refine in which makes the birds sing upon her glides whilst the sun's light reflected her face so perfectly in the ponds which makes the fish circle her shadows endlessly...
Many prince across the kingdom tries to take her hand in marriage after hearing about her magical beauty but none prevail after get rejected by Richard himself...The Great King always said to thee "he whom put his lust over his heart shall never be the perfect groom and he whom put her beauty above all will not be happy when the time fades..."
So, many have fail and because of that, Richard feels that there is no one that deserve his princesses hands and this make him sad...
"Why none of these perfect gentlemen be perfect for my beloved daughter?...."
Among those patriots were Prince Brandon...said to be the bravest prince of all time....Prince Shannon...said to be the most handsome bachelor of all time...and Prince Greagor...said to be the wealthiest of them all...
but none of them were chosen and this strikes curiosity among the people in the lands....many claims that the Great king is crazy for wanting more than plenty...and dream of something that doesn't exist...
Even getting a lot of rumors, Richard strongly holds his ground and keep on searching for the shadow of his imagination...this also make Heather feels sad seeing her father wondering around day and night and traveling from countries to countries..
However, in a one fine evening, upon his journey to the west port of the country, in his sleeps...Richard dreams of a river flowing gracefully complementing the scenery of a green woods around it...the birds chirping and the animals were playing among themselves peacefully...and suddenly came an old man holding a wooden stick which looks like a cane and his face were friendly and full of smiles...
The King approaches him and greet the old man humbly...and he said "what a fine day today is...doesn't it?..." The old man just nodded his head without replying a single word and suddenly he starts walking towards a wooden house near the river banks...the king followed that old man till he saw a person...a normal man with his normal face...nothing is fancy about the person...
The old man raises his hand to that person and starts walking towards him...the king followed him too...and when their eyes meet...the guy starts to speak "Today i dream about her again...but this time she's looking sad...i don't know why...?" Richard's feel confuse for a moment..."what is this dream this person were talking about?..." and the conversation flows inn as the person keeps on describing the "girl" in his dream...
Slowly, the picture of the girl in that person's dream became apparent to the king...The girls smiles..the girls voice...and the girls doings..."this girl of his are Heather...!!!"
The king's thoughts bundled with question..."what is the meaning of this...?" why this person talks about Heather like he knows her...? not even a single persona of Heather is wrongly describe by him...as if he has been living with her for a long time...
As the face of Richards appears concern about the topic of that person, the old man then suddenly face his body to the king and hold the king's hand....the person suddenly stops talking as he sees the doing of that old man...that person also look confuse for a moment...as the same thing happen to him...
Without a single voice, the old man put both of their hands together..."what this old man tries to do to us?..." said the king....the person just wave his head showing that he also doesn't have any clue...
Just as the moment become more and more confusing..the old man suddenly open up his mouth and starts to speak.... "find him....find him...find each each other....and you will meet with the one you are searching for..." The king just stare at the old man with a thousand of questions lingering in his head...the person also did the same thing and as both of them wanted to seek for an explanation from the old man, suddenly the king hear a gentle voice calling for him...and when he gazing for the source...he woke up from his sleeps...
"It's morning already sire..." said his maiden....Richard seems puzzled by the dream that he just had and he seems to not able to forget the face of that person that talks about her Heather truthfully unlike anyone else...
"I must find this person..." said the king to himself....

~To be continued~

p/s: haha...actually, i didn't have any clue of what's happening next...i guess we all not able to do so until i figure out what the next chapter is all about...for me..this story represent much about me and my dreams...i guess "the person" could be perfectly describe as me...and my quest to find the one for me...sometimes i dream about the girl of my dream..and wish that she is doing the same thing about me...thinking about how i would look-a-like..and how awesome i would be to her...hopefully this dream is not just a dream...because every fairy tale has a happy ending right...? "Happily Ever After..." is what i searching for... :-)      
       
#This is what i do when i get bored.... :-p