What Have I Learned...?

It's Been 5 Years Since I First Started This Blog...!!!
How long does five year serves? Well, honestly, not that long if you ask me...slowly i realized the true meaning of the time factor against your wisdom...no wonder people keep on emphasizing that time is short...i can see it now...It's not so much about what you've achieve within this short period of time, but more towards how much you are living it...looking back at all the crazy stuff I've done so far, i realized that i able to live my life the way i wanted it to be...i mean, free is one thing, but able to make a difference in your own way of life is remarkably an achievement on itself...
Don't get me wrong, the system does have its benefits....but having it your own way have its strolls too...not able to have steady income...don't know when your next paycheck's gonna come also some of its traits...but for some reason, i still feel that i'm moving towards the right direction...why? I don't even have an ounce of fear within me...why? am i blinded by my goal? or i'm just plain stupid? Even i can't tell the difference, but people keeps on making their judgement...so yeah...its for me to know, and for them to figure it out...!!!

Love Life...!!!
It's been a roller-coaster ride so far...i mean, every time when i "think" i've met with "the one", then something else kicks in...suddenly the relationship got sour...or dry...as if they are judging me throughout the periods of getting to know each other...i totally understand the fact that you have doubts about who you be with...and how you always visualized how your life would be together...but from what i can see in my case was, it's more towards how you present yourself rather how you commit yourself...i guess women nowadays are more interested on what they see, rather then what they felt...honestly, in the "looks" department, i think i'm miles away from those other guys so to speak...but in terms of being an affectionate partner, i dint think that i'm far off from their scale...but again, that's its my own judgment...not them...

So, i've been wondering...if i were able to get those "good looks" and those "wealth", would i want to go and chase back those ladies? will it change things? will it define who i am? Will it make the whole definition of loving someone played differently? Would it set another scene for someone like me? Would it mean that i able to finally broke the barrier? or being successful?
If that's the case, then the world is sad...it's not the world that i dreamed when i was a child...i still remember during those days, i never think about all this nonsense...everyone is equal on their ground...everyone is smiling to each other...no one ever talks about how rich their family is...or where did they go for their holidays....the worst would be how big is your lunchbox...and that's it...nothing more..and nothing less...its all about your heart...and how honest you are...i really miss those days...

Friends & Family...!!!
Well, so far i consider myself as lucky...i still got my family to cheer for me...friends to accompany me...some comes...and some goes...i guess that were meant to be...sad, but i have to face the fact that not everyone can ride along with what you rode...nevertheless, i am thankful that those people existed...even their role either to just to have a normal chats...or helping me to be at where i am right now...both are equally important...i can only wish the best for them and their life in the future...and apologies for not being a good friend...
One thing that i've learned about this matter is that you can only bring a certain group with you at one period of time...there will come to the times where they feel unhappy, or stressed out with what you do...those people that once were your backbone can be your own enemy when the times hit south...its nothing personal i guess, its just preferences has changed...either they are not the same person that they used to be before...or you are not the same person you used too...but one things are clear...you are not seeing eye to eye anymore...so separation is the best choice for me so far...not forever though...i still believe that someday in some faithful day, we will meet again..and hopefully in a different circumstances...

~A journey is not a journey unless you step both foot outside and run towards the horizon~

Relationship Problems...!!!

What Does It Mean...?
Relationship is not something that you "declare" or "write-inn" in some papers...relationship is a sacred bond between two person's heart which only can be felt by non-other than both of them...so even though you say that you are in a relationship, you are not truly inn if you do not felt it to your core...from what i've seen, a lot of "couple" nowadays like to "declare" their co-existence with their partner as somewhat a relationship, but the truth is, they are not together spiritually...and most of them co-habit-ed just for the sake of fulfilling each other personal needs...does that is what "relationship" meaning has come too...?
Ideally, if you "in love" with someone...you should felt empty inside every time when that person is not around...your laughter seems dull when they are not around...when you are together, all the joy suddenly doubled...all the lame jokes seems on point...those awful restaurant now felt like an expensive dining hall when that person seat in front of you on the table...the night seems so fast...and the day seems longer...
Waking up seeing her face is the most exciting feeling of all...knowing that you have someone is there when you are down...and all your problem doesn't seems that awful when she's around...their clumsiness and their cheekiness are not all annoying...until you reach to these point, than just consider yourself as "not really in a relationship"...but more or less just being together with someone that you "like" instead of "love"...

Un-appreciative Gesture...!!!
Most of the time when i passed by on a restaurant or a coffee shops, i can see a lot of "love-birds" hanging and chilling out on a date and it seems nice at first...but as time passes, i can see that both of them are not really dating each other, and it bugs me every time as i genuinely identified these small un-appreciative gesture made by them during dating...phones consistently on their hands...looking at other peoples profiling or texting other people during dating seems not something that could be pass on as "having a good time" with your partner...dating used to be the time where you fully utilize your presence with your partner..sharing stories...exchange feelings and emotions...tell jokes...eating and drinking is just an excuse to be together really...but now, dating has become an obligation as a partner to meet once in awhile...and seriously, it does look bad...really bad...!!!
I think partner need to start to be more appreciative of their other half...because if not, the effort of "being together" will only just be a word that people talk about, and not a word that carved in your heart...The same goes for marriages and how many failed marriage starts with these gestures? lack of communication and lack of trust is the catalyst of unsuccessful marriage...and to think that those add commercial about having material as signs of happiness seems true in nowadays scene...but it not suppose to be real in the first place...!!!

Repair The Damage...!!!
The most complex puzzle to be put together is the women's mind and a heart that has been broken...and it's the most curious but true epidemic salvation of truce whereby one mistakes found some halo to try and make things work again..but trust me, the "trust" is so valuable in which when it cracked (even just a little), it takes thousands of good-will just to cover it up...and most of us always take granted for the trust we get...which beg the question whether we are worthy of such responsibility or not?...
But trust me, preventing is less headache than trying to fix it...because once the heart is broken, the work that need to be put...and the effort to make it lively again will be immense...and still, it wont be the same...not anymore...so whatever that you do..do it with cautions and know your game before you start them...!!!

Goodbye 2016...Hello 2017...!!!

The New Beginning To My Ending...!!!

Well..i started my year with bits of sourness since i got sick for quite number of days...and here i am thought that this year could be lenient...i guess i was wrong in that department...but i'm recovering (and guess what?) i will start back my journey with new spirit...new resolutions...and new and improve "Me" (self-proclaimed)....hahaha Generally new year is the time when all of us move on to the next stages in life right? but for me, half of it will be use to scrape those tiny leads of my past...not to cling, but more to understand who am i, and what is the reason of my existence in this world...

The new me will be different this year...i can be sure of that...because if 2016 ever teaches me anything, it would be that "life goes on"...trust me when i say this, these phrase seems easy to say, but a hell of pain to swallow...I still go with my guts in this...but i am pretty sure i've become a bit wiser and a better person than i am before...the people i've met, the places i've been...the experience that i've gain will not be in veil...because i got big plans for myself this year (just wait and see) :-)

The Conjuring Of My Soul...!!!

What i can expect for myself this year is that "This is it..." this is the year of wealth...for almost two years of scrapping for bits of money to survive and clinging onto people's mercy for opportunity has made me stronger (in a hypothetical way)...and this year will be the platform of me to show and tell...trust me, if you are in my shoes right now, you will be really thrilled to start something too...i think from this small gap of bravery (but most people say "idiocracy") that i've taken, i have able to separate myself from the rest of my peers and throw away my skeptical on "how life should work" and start a new...  

Since early 2014 to 2016, i have endure so much negativeness from a lot of people (sadly some of them comes from those i trust the most)...but as i go along this road, i realized that their skeptics has fueled me countless time and for that i can't really channel my anger to them...(not even worthy of my time really...) :-p I don't really believes in miracle since i'm the type that always push my way through hard work and persistence...but every ounce of cells in my body tells me that this year one will happen...and hopefully Allah will be kind enough to allow such a person such as myself to try his luck...fingers cross :-) Aminnn

Baggage's And Crossroads...!!!

I have decided to empty my baggage this year...So no more unprecedented liability...no more unworthy companions...no more hollow feelings....no more clinging to my old self...Its all about me and my family...because i have done trying to act cool...i've done trying to care so much about people that never actually give a damn about me...and also done trying to be this "perfect" figure which plays no role in my current journey...I've done doing all those stuff...so no more "Mr. Nice Guy" after this guys...sorry...!!!

In fact, how about we play this game which i like to call "Crossroads" (I invented myself)...the rule is simple...If at any point during my life journey, either you or any other person which knew me kinda bumped into me accidentally during any time onward, then it means you have a role in my life and we are meant to stay with each other (until either of us separate of course)...if not, then let just say "It was meant to be..." How about that? No heart feelings...!!!

During this stage of myself, I can't be bothered to worry about other stuff besides my family and my goal..it has to be done and i hope all of you understand (if you read this note means you have at least a decency to get a hold of my life story..)Nothing personal...just me trying to jump-start my life over-here...

~Wishing All A Happy New Year And Hopefully This Year Would Bring Something New In Your Life~