The Inner Voice Is Calling...!!!

Silent but Deadly...!!!
Do you have an inner voice that keeps on telling you what to do...and what not too...? Well, i have it...and it sucks...!!! Its like having your mother stuck inside your head everyday...and she keeps on mumbling about the stuff that you need to do..what to wear...or just simply "when to wake up" :-p
I mean, it doesn't meant that i hate it that much...its just that, when the times come for you to wanted to be "free" from those "telling" from others...it just doesn't budge inn...and these voices always say the contrast of what you wanted to do...and it makes you hesitate..even for a glance, the uneasiness tormented your movement to bits....(seriously I don't like that pretty much...)
As far as i know...these so-called "inner voices" has stuck inside my head since god knows when...and up until now, both of "us" seems to not really be able to cooperate together that much to begin with... :-p
(sigh....!!!)

Truth or Dare...!!!
The most challenging games that I've ever played with myself is whether i want to tell myself the truth..or just simply dare myself to do stuff to compensate those telling...haha up until now i always choose "dare" because of my fear from myself on knowing the stuff that only my senses could feel (but not reach the brain to act yet...) haha  I always see myself as a two person combined....one is the "physical" which do the walking..talking...eating...(basically make myself present in this world....) and the other one is the "spiritual" which do all the thinking...feeling...(basically all the emotions and mushy stuff that human does...) and sometimes these two collide for special occasions which needed them to express themselves more enthusiastically....but that's the challenging part of it..."me" knows myself way too much....and it's always an awkward silence when it comes to "hiding" something from each of these two...!!! I know you might think that it is stupid to even "think" that you yourself can hide anything from "yourself"...but i guess that's the game that I've been playing with myself from time to time all this time...haha
~and guess what...? I always loose to myself...Duhhhh...~

Mr Heart and Mr Soul...!!!
These two big person in my life has never waver their deeds on me even when the tides is high...because every time the times get rough..they always be there for me...always tell me that everything gonna be okay...and keeps on giving me the support I need to stand up high in front of the crowd even to just say "Hi" or "Hello's" once in a while....I don't know when to begin when it comes to "thanking" them...and I don't know whether "thanking" is good enough to begin with....
I guess having you "yourself" as your own guardian is not that bad...i mean, there will be ups' and downs' sometimes...but the road is always open for you to go back to your innocence....i think, those "inner voices" of ours is just simple our past memory which we once experience...and it just replayed for the sake of letting us know that "we've done this before..and it's a bad idea to do it again..." :-)
So, having them inside is not really a total mess after all don't you think?


            
 

Lovey Dovey Is Humpty Dumpty...!!!

Weird isn't it...?
Love is something that's (for me) is fragile and easily hurt....it doesn't really matter whether by harsh words, or your action...it will create a scar that degrade the perspective towards you afterwards...in the end, what glued it back together is the trust build beforehand....
For the two "love birds" to be able to withstand all these boundaries in their relationships, they need to gain those trust as strong as possible on their pre-relationship status before taking the next big step...it is not easy when we are talking about letting your other half to "know" you that much..... (i guess that's the reason why most lovers tell their every doings to their partner....just to gain those trust...)
It is weird for a single person such as myself to interpret this much of knowledge about "relationship" when me myself didn't have it...(i sounded more like a theories right..?) haha :-p Despite all of those so-called "tormented soul" of mine...i think I've discover more about "love" than i used too....and I don't know whether i should be thankful of the "time" given for me to "think" about these stuff..or to just cry my heart out because I'm such a lame guy..!!! I guess it could only be decide when I meet with "her"....only she could approve of all my doings... :-)

Humpty Dumpty Sat On The Wall...Humpty Dumpty Had A Great Fall...!!!
Truthfully speaking, i think my so-called "emotions" is just like an egg shells....if its not handle carefully, it will crack to pieces...and it will take "forever" to heal...and those "wall" could be referred to as my "try-outs" which its certainty of becoming successful is like equally the same as failure...(but most of it are not pleasantly carried out when the times in need...)  and those "short" stopping were both memorable and hurtful at the same time....
And the act of "humpty Dumpty" which stubbornly goes up on those "wall" over and over again even though he's been "fall" so many times before could be referred to as my "stupidity" of falling for someone which will never have feelings towards me....
I guess, the similarity of me and humpty's is that we both are searching for something that have values in our lives more than anything else...for humpty's, his reasons are to see the view which said to be more beautiful than he's ever seen...so he climbs the tall wall even though he knows that he is incapable of doing so...but deep down inside..he knows that if he not doing so, he will regret it for the rest of his life... 
For me....well, i'm searching for the one that suppose to be "the one" for me and that's drive me to do all these "things" which I know that i couldn't do before these...sometimes it makes me wonder if it's worth the effort to sacrifice so much for someone that isn't even there....but deep down inside, i know that if i don't...I will regret it for the rest of my life...

In the end...!!!
Well, for my friends' Humpty Dumpty....he finally able to be on top of the wall...and the view could not be more better...I think he enjoy the scenery more than anyone else....even though for most people, the view that humpty's seen on those wall is not that great...but for him, it worth his life to begin with...and for sure he enjoy it to bits....
And for me...well, i'm not at the end of my search yet, so i can't even say whether i will be happy or not with the "ending"....but for sure i will cherish "her" more than anyone else..because she worth my life to begin with..and for sure in my eyes...she is the most perfect girl that i've ever see...and for that, I will keep on moving towards her...and pray for an happy ending for both of our life :-)    


 

Boyish Girlish Activist...!!!

Man are stupid...!!!
I think this are one of many words said by women every time when their expectation is not met (usually they blame it all to us men)...i mean, what are girls nowadays been thinking? haha :-)
Don't get me wrong ladies, i am not implying anything, its just that i feel kinda sad when most girl bluntly assume that all guys are stupid, dumb or worst...."not a ladies man..." :-( I mean, yes...!!! not all guys knows how to treat a lady as they suppose too...(no arguments there...) but always remember that out of those bundle of so-called "stupidity" lies someone that does...so look carefully before "assuming" as such....
Its funny to hear girls comment about guys that doesn't know how to take a "hint"....because as i recall, i do receive a lot of "hint" but i choose to not take it as a "sign" of communication...and i think i speak on behalf of most men such as myself that...we (guys) don't want to be such a clown every time a girl winked their eyes at us...or smiles politely when our eyes meet across the corner...because if we did that (on regular basis) we will be in trouble (literally).... :-p haha

Is it common...?
Maybe my statement here sounded more like I'm defending my gender (it does look like it...) but please look it on us "guys" perspective for a change...we do despise those "most men" addendum which give you (girls) reason to say "guys are stupid" but we also expect that you seek out for those whom aren't....
Some of us does tries to impress that special someone with everything that we've got...sacrifice our time and effort for the "love" that might not happen...stay up late at night thinking about her...care about her...sees if she could use a shoulder to cried onto...believe in her doings....cheer for her...and everything else...
But at the end...what we receive as credit were "all guys are the same...." haha :-p kinda bummer to receive such complement when the credits goes to other jerks.... :-(
I guess, if all girls think alike...then us men might have to just lay back and just do what everyone else are doing...that might make things easier with you girls agenda...will it? :-p

My Reason...!!!
Well, my personal reason on this topic might be "i want to protect my heart..." as you can see, i've been let down a couple of times...and most of those "times" correlated with me being "stupid" enough to fall so easily for those so-called "hint"...i admit that this might be a stupid things to hold grudges too, but at least this is the only things left that i can do to protect these "broken" part...
Maybe it would be much easier for me to just scorching for chicks bluntly without thinking...but i just think that if I do so, it won't be that much "special" when I meet with "her"...
In my mind, she will always be the one whom find me even when she's not looking...always held her hand for mine and smiles every time she sees me across the hall...always tell me that she loves me...and not afraid to let others know about it...that is the girl for me...the one whom "tells" that she wanted me..not those whom gives insignificant "hint" or 'sign"....

                                                                    


                                                                  ~Where are you....~