For as long as I can remember, I always have this strong feeling that I meant to do something...not just for myself, but also to the good of others...but what is it? I just can't accept that my life is just for work my butt off and pay bills until I die..for me that is not even an option...none at all...!!! I was amaze that most of the people I know have that sort of thoughts which only think about their own selfishness and always ask "what can I benefit from this...?" every time anyone seek for their help...It makes me sad..because they always admire those people who succeed in life but never actually seek on the means of them getting there...
However, slowly I get the chance to understand them...I guess Allah want me to experience it for myself before I make those judgement onto them...clearly what they are fighting are not "selfishness" but rather "survival" for their own continuation...I guess the word "We maybe can't win today's battle, but we can always live to survive and fight another day..." does prolong this settlement...I just can't believe how stupid I am to ever think that only my "fight" are the truth...whereas the truth lies in many forms...even at it slowest peak...I'm just plain idiot...!!!Every person have their own battle to fight..regardless whether it is for others, or just for themselves, fight is a fight...and no amount of denial can bring it down to its knees...but i guess for the rest, only those whom effected others significantly counts...and small justice is just not good enough...but seriously if you look closely, those small justice is what makes the world spinning...and the people at bay...not those big and majestic ones...but still, in the end...only that was counted...sad really...!!!!
A Fateful Meeting...!!!
I've happen to met with this strange "Englishmen" during my walking towards the car-park the other day...I found it strange because he is quite "crazy" to be honest..by the looks of it...He keeps on mumbling all the time...doing this weird "movement" as if he is chanting for something...sometime he stare at the sky at nothing...and sometime he just make this hand "dancing-like" gesture and for a split second he just turn back to normal and resume walking...I was fascinated by his so-called "character, so give him this "stare" as if I wanted his attention...and fair enough, a few moment after I reach the car-park, that fellow followed me and give me a warm hello....I was stunned at that moment but I do keep my cool and answer him politely...suddenly he ask "can I have a look there at the main entrance gate...?"
For him wanted to seek my permission to look around at this restricted area nearby...so I reply "I'm sorry, but I'm not the authority to give you that permission sir..." He then said "Really? then what is your authority then...?" I replied "I'm no one sir...just nobody..." He said "What is your purpose in life...? What is the reason for you to be born...?" I just mumbling then without any clue on how to answer that question...I mean, I could answer his question with any sort of reply right? but for that very moment, I felt like my heart wanted me to answer his question honestly...but deep down I know that I don't have any answer for that..so I replied "I never ask that question to myself sir...so I don't know how to reply to it..." He then just give me a small but meaningful smile and then ask me to give me a reply when I ready with it...then he left...Starting that moment, I kept asking myself "what is the purpose of me being born?" and it hunt me ever since...I mean, form religious perspective, it does make sense right? but specifically what are the things that I'm destined for? I simply don't know it yet...
My Mission...!!!
It's hard to determine that when your goal is to make things better for everyone, right? Nothing specific, but does it really need to be? Do I need to have a specific goal for that specific dream? Can't I just bluntly do good things and hope that my course of action will lead me to somewhere? or simply just keep on hoping for miracle....I guess as I'm getting older, the more question comes into the picture which need me to find it answer with full conscious..and not just throw some dart and hoping I get the "bull-eyes" anymore....It just won't work now...I think It is wise for us to really carefully think about what we need to do...not just for a person, but also as a son...daughter...wife...husband...leaders...Ulama'...politicians...teachers...or whomever that we are...because someday we will be ask this question...maybe not from that "Englishmen" that I've met, but more or less by our children..or other people that depend on us to make that difference in life...and how would you response to that sort of question when you yourself did not have the answer...I'm grateful that I able to receive such blows at my early stage of my life, but what If the question only comes later (when I'm 50 or something) wouldn't it already been too late? Think about it...
