Am I Doing It Right
Now…?
I guess for the past
years, all my action has always been a cry for help…those stupid jokes I've
made…those crazy outfit that I've wore…those relentless hours that I've spend
in front of the mirror trying to see something which doesn't exist…those fake
smiles which I've put just so that people won’t see my tears…I think it is true
of which “you think you wanted yourself to disappear, but the truth is that you
just wanted to be found”
But for most of my part
(besides my family…) none of those people stood up and give me the answer of
who I am…!!! Beat it friends or foes…to be honest, I just don’t know who am I
in their eyes….and this strikes me for quite a bit of a shocker because mostly
when you live your life along the way…you’ll get to know yourself better…(at
least that’s what people told me…) but it just didn't happen to me…
I'm Not Perfect…!!!
Even a stupid person can
justify this statement of mine…everyone is born with flaws…and so do I…I know
that sometimes I can be a little bit cranky when people tries to justify my
“doings” as if I knows everything…but the truth is…I just wanted to be
guided…and truth be told…I am stupid as hell-from some perspectives…haha
Just because people feel
intimidated by me...doesn't mean that I am better than them…those are just my
self-defence mechanism that tells those “jerks” out there to bug-off and stop
messing around with me…but not a “wall” which prevent people to tell me what I
did was wrong…or stupid…If they were…then I'm apologizing from the very depth
of my heart :-p
Personally, I think that
it’s cruel to let someone clueless of his doings…I know that most of us tries
to cope that phenomenon by being “truthful” about it…and the result sometimes
aren't as what you've hoped for…am I right? But the Idea of “helping” them are
already there…what you need to do is just to know the best possible way to
touch their heart rather than ignite their anger…!!! It can get ugly sometimes
:-p
Justification….!!!
If you saw me lingering
my ass off by faking myself being busy as hell in front of you means that I
just want you to see me working hard and hopefully you would take me seriously
when giving me a chores…If you saw me singing a bit loud so that people on the
other room can hear my voice means that I want them to listen to my vocal
(doesn't matter whether it is good or not) so don’t go and make negative
comments on that….If you saw me wearing tight jeans or shirts…It just means
that I want to show you how many weight I've lost…so don’t be all sceptic about
how I look like (because It is not easy to came out of the closet…) If you saw
me looking at the mirror for too long is because I just concern of my hair or
how my buttocks still big...so don’t go and say stuff like “whatever reason you
look at the mirror won’t change anything….” Kind of crap…because you never know
how those words can ruin a person’s life or self-motivation…try to be
respectful and understand their doings…because from my experience being within
those group…all of those doings are my way of “crying for help…” and only those
who listens and sees me thoroughly can capture that J